How to get out of a mental spiral...

The Lord and I did an exercise together the other day I thought I would share. Last week I was in AL watching baseball, and I woke up at 4:15 AM with my mind spiraling with all the things I have between now and July 4, SO MUCH! Summer as a children's minister is no joke, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. But mind spiraling. When I wake up like that, I either spiral for a long time, actually come up with creative things, or have a good prayer time which usually puts me back to sleep. So after an hour finally got to the prayer time and went back to sleep. I was thinking as I fell asleep, these are really good things I'm praying for and I need to remember them. But of course, I couldn't remember them three hours later.

On Mother's Day, the kids were all doing their own thing and hubby was watching some sporting event, so I went outside on my porch with my Bible and journal and asked God to remind me of what I prayed about, and He gave it back to me and thought it might help you too.

I prayed very specifically about VBS coming up, and as I prayed, I either reminded myself of who God is in response to that, or He reminded me if it didn't pop in my head. And it was so helpful and comforting.

Help me set priorities and seek you first. He is Lord and wants to be first.

Help me multitask. He is my strength.

Help me not waste time. He is wise.

Help me remember details. He is not a God of chaos.

Help us gather all the people and supplies we need. He is a great provider.

Help us do what we need to do to get kids here. He is a creative God..

Help us see and bind the enemy before he gets in the way. He is the all powerful God.

Help us love people, volunteers, parents and kids. He is a God of love.

Help me not be anxious or stressed. He is a God of peace.

Could go on an on. And throughout the week if I had a spiraling thought pop in, I responded with who God is instead. Very thankful for all the things He is and how he can handle any thought I have.

Random parenting thoughts today

I love it when I read scripture and a short passage or even a word jumps out at me and I have to camp out there awhile. Here's the verse that I read today, and see if you see the same word I did. 

"And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise." Deut. 6:6, 7

DILIGENTLY. I looked it up. Miriam Webster. "characterized by steady, earnest, and energetic effort, painstaking" And it further said, "You're more likely to be diligent about something if you love doing it... affection can lead to energetic effort... it descends from Latin, 'to value or esteem highly' or 'to love'".

I am closer to the end of parenting than the beginning. Yes, I know I will always be a parent, and my kids will always need me. But the time they are at home is running short. So my immediate feeling when I read that was guilt and regret. Was I diligent in teaching my kids about God and his commands? I am a perfectionist in many ways, so I would say no, I did not do enough. But if you have met my kids, you would say they are great, and they are. And they love Jesus. 

Did I and my husband give steady, earnest and energic effort to teaching our kids God's commands? I suppose if I didn't love my kids as much as I do, then I wouldn't feel that regret. But I can't go back and redo it. I have to trust that the time and energy we put in was enough, and trust that they are in the Savior's hands. He doesn't really NEED me to pour into my kids. Its an honor and privilege to partner with God in that job. And I can pray that what has been poured into them will blossom and grow, and their love of Jesus and his word will grow. 

As my kids move up and out of the house, my job changes. I will still need to be diligent, but it will look different. I need to start rethinking what it will look like. It will change from daily conversations with my kids about God, to daily conversations with God about my kids. Energetic effort. 

May we all let go of the guilt of what we think we didn't do, and move forward with energic effort, steady and diligent love for our kids! 

Following a Cloud!

I love reading the book of Exodus! So many amazing stories of God's power and guidance. I was reading the story of the parting of the Red Sea the other day in chapter 14, a story I have read and heard maybe hundreds of times since I was a child, but this time it seemed so fresh and new to me. Can you really imagine what that looked like, smelled like, felt like? 

It says that God took them a round about way because he knew they would be scared of the enemies in the promised land, and he knew that his people were not ready for that yet. So he put them by the sea and then the enemy comes to them. God knew what He was going to do! He wanted to show them His power. He was already leading them as a cloud by day and fire by night. And he stops and here comes Pharaoh's army. And Moses tells his people "Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which He will work for you today... The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent." (13, 14)  How often do try to fight my own battles instead of being silent and letting Him do it. It always works out much better that way!

His pillar of cloud moved from in front of them to behind them to hem them in, protect them as he opened up the sea and they walked through. And when they were all through it, he let the water go and not one of Pharaoh's men survived. So thankful for His protection!

God reminded me with the picture of the cloud by day and fire by night, that He doesn't need a break from leading and protecting me. He doesn't sleep or need a "me day". He is always there leading me. "He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. " Psalm 121;3, 4

Moses sings a song in chapter 15, "The Lord is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation, this is my God and I will praise him, my father's god and I will exalt him. You have led in your steadfast love the people whom you have redeemed; you have guided them by your strength to your holy abode." (15:2, 13) I am guided by HIS STRENGTH, not my own. 

I pray for God to continue to lead me and my family, to  hem us in with His protection, to remind me to be still and wait for his plan to unfold as He opens up the waters in front of us to lead us to a promised land! Amen!

He Changed My Name

I accepted Christ as my Savior when I was 8 years old in church on a Sunday morning. I remember going up during the invitation, and I hadn't asked my parents about it that I can remember. We went back into the choir room with a counselor, and she talked to me about accepting Christ, and I was ready. She prayed a prayer and I repeated her words. I remember weeping, which as an 8 year old I think says something. I knew what I was doing was a big deal. 

I have lived a fairly good, clean life since then. There have been times when I was jealous of people who had a more flashy testimony, God bringing them out of a sinful life and changing their lives in a dramatic way. I have had times when I felt like I needed to do things to prove to God that He made the right decision in saving me. I now know that being saved young was a gift and blessing in that He had a hold of me young and kept me from doing some of those destructive things. I know that I don't have to do anything to prove to him that I'm good enough. He loves me regardless.

I do take for granted though that I am a sinner saved by grace. I don't really feel convicted of my sin often enough. I don't show gratitude enough to God for saving me and what Jesus did on the cross. But there are two songs out right now that when they come on, I get a tear in my eye and praise the Lord for what He has done for me, not just the blessings but for saving me from my sins! I get choked up thinking how I did not deserve what He did for me. We don't deserve Jesus dying on the cross for us. He did it just because He loves us and wanted to be back in communion with us, His creation. So listen to them, and thank Him for dying for us. I have a new name and the enemy can't change it back! I am chosen, loved, and forgiven!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrSh2xtZHdQ  Matthew West "You Changed My Name"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=euUYX-jss5Y Mercy Me "Then Christ Came"

Influence

I have started a new Bible reading plan that will take me through the Bible in two years, but it goes back and forth from the Old to the New Testament. I like that because I don't want to ignore one or the other for a year at a time and its a good pace for me so I can take the time to journal, and sometimes blog, on what I am reading.

Today I read John 1, which I just read back in November, and yet I got something new out of it today. Thank you Lord that your word is living and active. In John 1, John the Baptist is basically introducing Jesus to the people around him. He has been prepping them for a long time that Jesus was coming, and now he's here. I can't imagine how excited John was! At one point, he says in front of two of his own disciples "Look, the lamb of God!" and one of his disciples, who turns out to be Andrew, leaves John to follow Jesus. We have to hope that made John really excited and proud, not jealous or sad to see Andrew leave. 

Andrew goes and tells his brother Simon first about meeting Jesus, and brings Simon to Jesus who immediately names him Peter, and we know that Peter ends up being one of the most influential disciples, and is known as the founder of the Church. So John tells Andrew, Andrew tells Peter, and Peter changes the world. John's influence can still be seen in the church today because he introduced people to Jesus, that was his calling.

The next day Jesus finds Philip and asks him to follow him. Philip gets his friend Nathanael and he follows Jesus too. Philip was from the same town as Andrew and Peter. We don't know that they were friends necessarily, but I think we can at least assume they knew of each other. And I was thinking that Philip and Nathanael's opinions of Andrew and Peter had to have had some influence on their decision to follow Jesus as well. If they had not liked them at all, if they had had a crazy reputation in town or had had a history of bad decisions, they might would have had to question whether or not they were going to join them on this adventure with this teacher. And may have had to think about whether or not Jesus was someone worth following if these other two dudes were going to follow him. I can think of a few people that I would not want to join in their adventures because I have seen choices they have made before. 

Its all about influence. . John influenced so many people, including Andrew. Andrew had an influence over Simon Peter. Philip had an influence over Nathanael. Possibly Andrew and Peter had some influence over Philip and Nathanael, even if they didn't know it. 

The term "influencer" is all over the place now on social media. I don't want to be that kind, but what kind of influence do I have over people? Would they trust me if I told them about Jesus that they would believe me because of what they have seen me say and do, the choices I have made? Who is in my circle of influence? Who sees me and hears me and is in relationship with me enough to be willing to follow me as I follow after Christ? And I have to remember that I am probably influencing people that I don't even know about. And remember that my influence may last long after I am gone. 

Who are you influencing? 

Jesus is our Good Shepherd

Its been awhile! I'm not even sure anyone blogs any more. I love writing shorter devotionals on Facebook for different groups, or just my friends. But today's thoughts were longer than I would want to write on a short Facebook post. 

As a separate point before I get to the devotional, over the last year I have been reading a devotional book by Chris Tiegreen, Praying in Faith. I normally don't like devotional books because they can be shallow but his are so good. And it was just what I needed over the last year that has been difficult (that's for another post another day). But I realized recently that as good as it was, I missed being in the Word of God. I would read a verse here and there, but I missed being all in, in a chapter or book. I've read through the Bible with a group of ladies the last few years, and I realized that I missed hearing God's word directly to me. So I jumped back in, and started with the book of John. Now to today's thoughts.

John 10 today, and the first half is Jesus as the Good Shepherd. He was trying to describe himself to these people in terms they would understand (but they still didn't.) He describes how the shepherd leads his sheep and they know his voice, how the shepherd guards the gate and goes ahead of them to lead them. The good shepherd would lay down his life for his sheep, unlike the hired hand who would run away if a wolf came to attack. 

John 10:10 is right in the middle "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." I memorized that verse in Seminary for a class, and I've turned to it in hard times. But in my head I envisioned a thief coming into my house or my car. I envisioned the devil following me around and taking my joy, comfort, peace. And all of that is a true picture of what the thief does. BUT...

This verse in context is talking about the shepherd and the sheep! The thief sneaks into the pasture to steal and kill the sheep. The good shepherd guards the pasture from the thief, the wolf. Its a metaphor of SHEEP. And when I started thinking of it that way, all the other verses where God's word talks about sheep starting popping in my head. Matthew 18 says the shepherd would leave the 99 to go after the one dumb sheep who wanders away.  Psalm 23 talks beautifully about the shepherd who leads the sheep to green pastures, quiet waters, down the right paths. He comforts the sheep with his rod and staff. He prepares a table for them in the presence of their enemies. And that is what it means to have a full life. Other versions of John 10:10 say abundant life, fullest measure, a life that is full and good. God's Word Translation says "A thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. But I came so that my sheep will have life and so that they will have everything they need."

Jesus came to give us life! To have green pastures, quiet waters, comfort, rest and life to the fullest! The thief will come after us, life will not always be quiet and calm, but Jesus can bring us peace and rest even in the midst of hard times. And He is our shepherd, guarding us from the thief, leading us away from the dangerous places if we will listen to his voice.

While reading that was encouraging, I got more excited about reading that one verse in context and then thinking how other parts of scripture went with it. God's word is living and active. It all goes together. He repeats himself often because we aren't the sharpest. He wants us to read his love letter to us, listen to his voice and live the abundant life he has for us! 

George, the Pandemic, and Easter

I have 7 plants on my back porch. I have had them all for many years. But don't think I have a green thumb, because I do not for sure. Its a lot of luck. If you really care to read about my past experiences with my plants here are the links to three previous posts about them, so yes, this is my 4th blog post about my plants. Ridiculous.

https://gadman4.blogspot.com/2012/04/my-lack-of-green-thumb.html

https://gadman4.blogspot.com/2012/04/update-on-george-and-friends.html

https://gadman4.blogspot.com/2012/10/update-on-my-babies-my-plant-babies.html

That last post was written in 2012. Almost 8 years later most of those plants are still alive and kicking. But this post is about George... and Easter. If you didn't want to read those posts (and I wouldn't blame you) I'll catch you up. I name my plants. The one I have had the longest is George. George was given to me by my husband on my first birthday after we were married, so I have now had him for 23 years. He has been on his death bed a few times, but always rallied and came back. But I really thought I had lost him this last time.

Basically George was dead a few weeks ago. I think I had left my plants outside when it dropped down below freezing one too many times. Or maybe they got rained on during the monsoon season too much. Or maybe it was the gnat infestation that got him. Or possibly the squirrels that thought my potted plants were a garden to dig in. Either way, George seemed to be a gonner. My kids told me to throw him away and have a funeral service. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I didn't want to give up on him.

The other plants were struggling too, but they weren't past the point of no return yet as George seemed to be. So I tried all kinds of things to revive him. I took him out of his pot and gave him fresh soil, that's when I discovered the gnats. No difference. Gave him plant food, nothing changed. I finally took him apart into three pieces. I left one piece in his original pot, and I'm sad to say, I can now throw that away. Another piece I put in a glass of water. While it has not died yet, it is not growing, so I'm not sure how much longer it can hang on. But the third piece I put in a bowl from my kitchen in fresh soil and decided to put all my attention on it. Every day I check it, water it, move it inside or outside depending on weather. And for weeks I saw no change. The one piece left was still green, but it wasn't growing. I was just about to give up, and have that funeral service when I walked outside and saw this.

There, in the middle, George is growing again. I almost cried.

Its very symbolic of everything going on right now. With this pandemic, everything seems sad and lost and dying. We drove by the baseball fields today and I cried. And I know my boys not playing baseball is nothing compared to people losing their businesses, or being separated from their families, or being sick and actually dying. The past few weeks at work have been so stressful and sad and dark. But we know that eventually, we will come back to life. And I promise I will never again complain about too many baseball games!

We listened to Max Lucado last night on TV. He talked about Good Friday, Silent Saturday and Celebration Sunday. Watching George reminded me of Silent Saturday. We can't see what's going on in the dark. We think all hope is dead. We think we might as well give up, walk away and have a funeral service. We think we might live in this sad time forever. But God wants to remind us that we are in the waiting time. We might be in the dark, not seeing that seed that is coming back to life. We might not know when this time will end, but it will end. The light will come back. Our hope is in our Savior, who defeated death, won victory over sickness, and will give us strength and endurance during the waiting, during the silence. And just when we think its time to give up, life will come bursting forth! Tomorrow is Celebration Sunday, and it will be different as far as Easters go. But soon, when all of this is over, we will have an indescribable Celebration as we gather together again, loving our friends and community face to face, and celebrating the goodness of God.

My plant wasn't dead, just overwhelmed with his surroundings. Patience, care, love, endurance and LIGHT is bringing him back. May we rest in God's light this Easter and as we endure and wait during this time. Can't wait to see how we all grow and thrive when this is over. Happy Easter!

Covid Update #2

Covid update: As of tonight, our Children's Center is now closed, so all five of us will be home together. I'm kind of looking forward to it. I have a to do list for myself, but I also want to play games with the kids, or bake together, or walk together. I'm hoping to find something I can do with each son just the two of us. And I am ready to rest! The past few weeks have been some of the most stressful of my life. When I left tonight, I cried a few tears. I do have a peace about the decision, and pray that we are only closed a few weeks, but its emotional to walk away from it.

On the home front, I have been really impressed with how the boys have been handling their at home time. They really crave their school work, and are keeping up. Campbell is in band and is practicing as I type this, and sending videos to his band teacher. We have a new drum set and he's been spending lots of time in the garage. He's also found a game on the computer where he writes songs with different sounds. Cade has been spending time in the kitchen baking. And he's made dad go buy wood and has built some apparatus to use in the garage for baseball. Coop has painted a beautiful picture, has led an online FCA meeting, has had zoom calls with his fellow incoming MC freshmen, and still has legit dual credit college classes he's finishing up. And all three of them go outside everyday and hit or throw. We don't talk about baseball much though. We would probably all cry if we think too much about it. And Jason has been helping them all where he can while having church zoom meetings all day.

Easter is Sunday. It came fast. It will be different and quiet. I haven't had a lot of time this week to think about it, but I was in a zoom call tonight with my life group and we read Luke 24. When we read verses 5 & 6 "Why do you seek the living among the dead? He is not here, but he has risen," I got a little choked up and probably would have fallen apart had there not been 12 other squares of people who could see me. It just was overwhelming to think of that. He was dead and came back to life. I was dead and he brought me back to life. I didn't go from bad to good, I went from dead to alive. More on that another day.

Covid-19 Gadman Family Update

Four out of the five of us are hunkered down at home during this lovely virus crisis. The one who is still out and about, that would be me. I'm still working because our daycare is still open, and will remain open as long as we can to help our families who need to work at their essential jobs. It has been incredibly stressful balancing the safety of our children and staff with the help we want to give to the community. Many daycares in the area have closed. We only have about 1/4 of our kids, but that's still 75 kids coming. We are staggering our staff, cleaning like mad people, and checking temperatures at the door. And we just keep going, reminding ourselves of God's goodness.

On the home front, kids are doing online school stuff, and luckily I have older kids who are self starters who love school so we haven't had any issues. Hubby is working from home helping the church come up with ways to minister to the community. I have cooked more and we have sat at the table more in the past two weeks, well I just can't remember how long its been. So I'm treasuring these moments, especially with my senior.

That's been the hardest part of this. We were in Biloxi for a baseball tournament when the world came to a stop and the NBA suspended their season. We couldn't believe it and thought everyone was over reacting. But by Saturday at their last game, we were all waiting for the inevitable email to come that said school was out. They lost the last game by 1 run in 10 innings. Many of the seniors were on the field crying because we had a strong suspicion it would be their last game of their high school career. It didn't really hit me then or I would have probably been crying too.

We have three boys who play baseball, and we are sitting at home every night watching movies. That's not where we're supposed to be. I'm supposed to be cheering my high school senior on as he pitches. I'm supposed to be cheering my JV player on as he finds his place on his new team. He never got to play a game at all this season. And I'm supposed to be cheering on my 11 year old and his select team who have become his best friends. They have played in one tournament, which they did win, so we can say we are undefeated this season! The color coded calendar with all their games on it just taunts me. Normally I am in full blown exhaustion mode at this point, but loving every minute of watching them play. But instead I am treasuring the few games Cooper did get to play and remembering the awesome moments he had. I'm looking forward to next year for Cade. And hoping our youngest gets to play this summer.

My senior was supposed to be going to prom this weekend. And graduation is scheduled for May 11. So we're still praying that might happen. But in the meantime, I'm trying to enjoy these quiet moments with him. He will be gone in just a few short months. So I know I will treasure this time when I look back on it, some day. But for now, we hold hands at dinner around the table (after we have washed them), take elderberry and vitamin C, and pray really hard for this to pass quickly, for protection, and for us to have good family time. This too shall pass. And God is not surprised by any of it. But it stinks all the same.

 

Birthday Battle

As I fully expected, my idea of blogging more often is much harder when I'm not at a conference by myself, when I'm home with laundry, meals, baseball practices, a full time job and sleeping somewhere along the way. But I really have to try! It feels so good to get my thoughts out, and it helps my heart and brain to function better. Jason and I took a personality test once that was different than most, and the only thing I remember is that I was "literary". It said that meant I think in a literary sense, and its so true! Thoughts in my head are stories that I write in blog form, or Facebook post form some days. I even will rewrite parts I don't like. Sometimes its bad because I write the worst possible endings to my stories if I'm not in a good head space. I have to stop myself and rewrite it and change the ending. I get mad at myself sometimes. Why do you end it that way!? That wouldn't happen! Stop worrying about the worst possible scenario. Expect the better option, not the worst. Its like a battle.

I read a great passage the other day that kind of gave me some strategies for fighting the battle. Its kind of random, but go with me here. 1 Chronicles 12, the Mighty Men of David. Saul had just died and David is slowly taking the throne to be king of Israel. Men from all the tribes come from all over to support him and make sure he takes the throne. It lists every tribe and how many they sent to fight. It describes them with such powerful words: mighty men, bowmen who could shoot arrows with either hand, stronghold, experienced warriors, faces were like the faces of lions, swift as gazelles, valor, men who had understanding of the times, weapons of war, singleness of purpose, shield and spear, equipped and ready for battle, a whole heart to make David king, a single mind!

I wrote in my journal when I read that, "when God sends you to battle, he will send you an army. And when they are united, of single mind and purpose, they are unstoppable!" It reminded me to make sure I am assembling people around me who are united with me, who will support me, encourage me, fight for me if necessary. And in my thoughts, I have to tell myself that I have an army of God behind me and before me. God will not let me fight alone. When the stories pop into my head that don't end well, I have to change the story and fight the battle of my mind with stories of victory and goodness, not defeat. Not that bad things won't happen, they will. But I have to stay focused on the goodness of God. I need to be of single mind, have a singleness of purpose, my whole heart focused on God's calling to me, don't get distracted by the negative. Keep my warriors around me.

Today is my birthday. It hasn't been all roses and sweetness. But I have to change the negative story in my head and focus on all the good, the sweet birthday wishes, my awesome decorated desk and gifts from my coworkers, a yummy homemade chocolate birthday cake, and spending time with family. Fight the mental battle. Change the story to focus on the positive. Surround yourself with an army of people who love and support you. Change your heart to a heart of gratefulness.

Bibles

As any good Southern Baptist girl does, I have Bibles all over my house from my whole life, because I just don't know what to do with an old Bible. I would never be able to get rid of one. I'm sure I could give it to someone who needs one, like some powerful moment in the airport or something, but that's never happened to me, so my Bibles pile up in a bookshelf. I have my pink Precious Moments Bible from Elementary School. My beautiful green Bible from high school that the cover came off of so its in a green Bible cover. I have a Women's Devotional Bible that was given to me from a sweet family I babysat for as a high school graduation gift. We have a huge Family Bible that was given to us as a wedding gift. I have a couple of tiny Bibles that I bought throughout the years to travel with because I thought it would be easier, but the font is so small, how can anyone read those things. My current Bible I take to church is a fairly recent purchase before Lifeway stores went out of business (don't get me started on that, that's for another blog post.). I love it, my current favorite color of turquoise and in the same version our pastor uses to preach out of. But this post is really about my favorite Bible.

Jason's first church as a youth minister was Trinity Baptist Church in Henderson, TX. When he was interviewing with them he took me with him on the interview, and we weren't even engaged yet, but close. While we served there, we got engaged and married. The church pianist and organist played at our wedding and their kids were our ring bearer and flower girls. (Goodness, those kids are in their late 20s now!) And our sweet pastor did our welcome. And every Sunday while we attended there, Jude and Gaynell Glascock sat behind us in church. They were the sweetest older couple who I know genuinely prayed for us and our ministry there.

When I graduated from college, Jude asked me what I wanted as a graduation gift, and I said a new Bible that had my new married name on it. He brought me money and told me to go pick out a new Bible. I picked out a navy NIV Study Bible and was so proud to engrave Christy Gadman on the cover. I remember how excited I was so show it to them and wanted them to sign the inside of it, but they were afraid their elderly handwriting wouldn't look good, so they watched me write in the cover that they had given it to me on that date.

I still use that Bible for most of my quiet times in the mornings, 22 years later. Because its so big, I haven't taken it to church very much, so its still in good shape. But it has so much underlined in it. I did use it in Seminary and so the 20 verses I had to memorize in my Biblical counseling class are underlined in a different color. I'm not one to write too many notes in the margins, I fill up journals instead, so you won't find too much written there. But if I only had time to grab one Bible if we had to leave quickly that would be it.

I did a search of those sweet people awhile back. Jude passed away in 2004 at 89 years of age. He had been a Baptist pastor. He had married Gaynell after his first wife died and they had been married 14 years when he passed, but when you met them, you would have thought they had been married forever. Gaynell passed away in 2007 at 91. I will always remember their kindness and support of this young newly married couple at their first church who didn't know what they were doing. And I treasure that Bible they gifted me. I hope I can pass on that kindness to the next generation.

How to fight my critical spirit

Its been over two years since I blogged last. That shows you what a full time job and three kids will do to you. But I've been itching to start back. I think my brain might work better if I take time to be creative and process things in writing. And God teaches me so many things that I might journal for myself, but I think other people might learn from them too if I'm willing to share. So here goes.

I'm at a conference this week in Orlando, ALL BY MYSELF! I am an introvert and enjoy having quiet time, but its almost been too much. I have seen my brother for dinner and ran into a former staff member, and have of course talked to my hubby on the phone, and that's been just about enough to get my word count up to an acceptable level. I'm enjoying my conversations with the Lord too. He's been talking to me a lot.

What I did not enjoy was what he told me yesterday morning in our first session. We were having an extended prayer time where there were stations around the room and we were supposed to go to the stations or have prayer and worship in our chairs. I was journaling and praying and having a perfectly wonderful time between me and the Lord when I was rudely interrupted by these two ladies behind me who had apparently decided they were not going to participate and proceeded to talk to each other the whole time, not particularly quietly either. The longer it went on the madder I got. I fumed and said unkind things to them, in my head. I prayed and told God how rude they were. And then I was mad at myself for being so critical of people. I am a critical person by nature. Its why I'm good at my job, because I'm always looking for how things can be done better.

As I complained to God about the women and my own critical spirit, He gave me a blue print for how to deal with my critical nature in very practical terms.
1. Fix the problem. (I could have told the women to be quiet or take it somewhere else. But since I would never do that, on to #2)
2. Change yourself. (I could have moved somewhere else. But since I was comfortable where I was with all my stuff out, I didn't, so on to #3)
3. Deal with it. Fix your attitude. If you aren't going to do #1 or #2, then you just have to figure out how to over look it or change your attitude.

Seems simple. So I tried it the next two main sessions. The next one I ended up sitting by a women who made up motions to the songs, not sign language (which I love watching), but motions like she was in a youth choir in the 80s. She was breaking chains, and counting the 3 parts of the Trinity. So I tried my new blueprint. I can't ask her to stop worshiping in whatever way she wants to worship. So I did a mixture of #2 and #3. I shifted enough where I was standing so that I didn't see her out of the corner of my eye and then I just thanked God that I was next to someone so passionate about worshiping her Father.

Session three, I sit down and not five minutes later a couple of ladies sit in front of me and one of them has their child with them, maybe a 3 or 4 year old. Now I love kids, its what I do and I'm at a Children's Pastors conference. But that's one of the reasons we come to things like this, to GET A BREAK FROM KIDS! So nope. So I did #2. I got up and moved far away. No reason to sit and be distracted and fume the whole time about why she brought her kid. And it worked. I had a great time of worship and wasn't worried about that sweet child and his momma.

So that's my blueprint for dealing with a critical nature. Its helping so far in this bubble of a Christian conference. We'll see how it works in a few days when I get back to the real world!

I'm glad to be back in the blogging world. It feels good.


 

Trades of Hope Five Years In!

I just returned from spending a weekend in Nashville with some amazing Trades of Hope sisters at our annual retreat for training, inspiration and encouragement. It was a great weekend, reconnecting with Compassionate Entrepreneur sisters from around the country that I only get to see once a year, and making new CE friends. And it came at the perfect time, because I joined Trades of Hope 5 years ago last week. FIVE YEARS! I can't believe it. When I joined there were only 150 Compassionate Entrepreneurs in the company, and we just hit 5000! So exciting! To honor these five years, I thought I would give you the top ten wonderful things about being a part of TOH. So in no particular order (because I could never say one was more important than another) here are my top ten!

10. I have grown so much in my social skills and getting out of my comfort zone. I've never been good at speaking to strangers and this has really helped as I've met women at parties, other CEs, and new hostesses. I have traveled to a foreign country, overcoming so many fears in that process. I'm still growing in this area as I learn how to do "live" Facebook videos! Way out of my comfort zone!

9. It gives me a purpose outside of being a mom and wife. I love being those things, and I've had other jobs along the way, but this gives me something that is "mine", it becomes what I put into it. It gives me a reason to get out of the house and travel, and in a house full of boys, I can be girly!

8. Becoming more fashionable! I have never cared a great deal about what I wear, and yet, never felt like I was dressed very cute. But when you have beautiful accessories that you want to wear, it helps you to up your fashion skills! I just started wearing a kimono and I love it! Who knew?

7. I have made extra money that has helped my family. Its been used to go on vacations, pay bills, school fees and pay for lots of baseball! But I've also used it to treat myself.

6. I have learned so much about poverty and trafficking. These aren't topics that people may want to know about, but they are important! These are things that are not ok with my heavenly Father, and He wants His people to step in and help end them!

5.I have gained confidence in myself, the good kind, when you are proud because you set a goal, go after it, and reach it, and where you think you can't do something, but you do! I have had moments when I compared myself to others, I felt that I was failing. But when God taught me to not compare myself to anyone, and to be content with where I was and who I was in Him, it brought such peace and confidence in myself.

4. I have grown in my faith. There have been many conversations with my Father about my business, the struggles, the successes, the questions, the frustrations. And when I ask Him for a boost, He gives it to me! He wants me to help the widows and orphans and the poor, and when I give effort, even if it seems small, He will bless it.

3. I have been inspired by the founders of our company. Joining so early when I did, I have gotten to know the four ladies who founded our company in a way that would never happen if I had joined a larger direct sales company. They are brave, powerful, awe inspiring women, and each year when I see them, and they know my name and hug me, I feel known. And then they speak about what they envision for our company, and I am thankful to follow after them.

2.I have grown in my leadership skills. I have a great team under me, and sometimes I can give more to them than other times, but I know God uses my team to build my leadership skills that I can use in other areas of my life too.

1. I have met amazing, beautiful women from all over the country! I have life long friends that can only come from being in a foreign country together. And I have met so many ladies as hostesses, party goers and other CE's that I would have never met otherwise. I have great ladies that have joined my team over the five years that I can now call friends.

There are probably ten more things I could list, like organizational skills, goal setting, budgeting, etc. But really, the bottom line is, that it has empowered me! I have become a better person because of this journey! And that's what Trades of Hope is all about. We are empowering our artisans around the world by marketing their products, but it empowers us too! I am so thankful that five years ago, I saw a blog post about Trades of Hope, and I took a big step of faith!  I've never wanted to sell anything, but when I held my first products, it was a powerful moment. I don't know how long God will keep me with TOH, but I am so thankful for this part of my life journey!

The rest of the story...

I started a new job a few weeks ago. I know, it was fast. God was so sweet to give me some summer at home with my kiddos. But one day after I had been home for a few weeks I got an email from a friend about a job that had just opened up. And a few weeks later, I accepted the position. Its a full time job, which I have never had with kids before, so it will be a change for our family. I have been so blessed to work part time since our kids entered the world, and they were always with me at the preschools that I worked for. But this is the perfect time for me to enter the full time working world and I am super excited.

The night before I was expecting the offer, I was laying in bed praying, and telling God I needed a loud and quick "No" if this wasn't was I was supposed to do. I rolled over, and my baby (who isn't a baby anymore) was asleep in his daddy's place in the bed. I told God "I just want to be a good momma. Can I be a good momma, the kind of momma I want to be, and work full time?"  And I felt like God told me, "All those mommas who will drop off their babies to you just want to be good mommas too, and they want a safe place for their babies to go while they are at work." And He reminded me of all of the places in the community that those mommas and daddies go to each day, and how by caring for their children, I am in a way touching all those places too. Its a huge and overwhelming honor.

That next Sunday, guess what we sang at church? We sang "Lord our God." God giving me another piece of confirmation that He was in this and His plan is big.

I'm in my third week now. It's been hard, and exciting, and exhilarating and exhausting. My first night I must have had adrenaline because I cooked dinner and did laundry and went to a baseball game. The second night I crashed on the couch and ordered pizza. Balance right? I have been so welcomed by teachers and kiddos, and I can't wait to get to know them all better and see all that God is going to do.

Obey and Trust and Wait

After three years as Director of Childcare and Mother's Morning Out at Pinelake Church, I have resigned my position. Its been an amazing three years. So why did I resign? Lots of small reasons. But the biggest reason is simply because God told me to.

Back in March, I gave all of my teachers a letter of intent to fill out for next school year, and I gave them a very inspirational speech where I told them to pray about what God would have for them. Pray and ask God if he still has you here, or if there is somewhere else He is leading you. We all have seasons, and sometimes God asks us to do something else. Are you still called to be here? As I was saying all that to them, God nudged my spirit that I needed to pray about that for myself too.

As I began that process of praying and seeking him, we started a new series at church called "Making Room". The first sermon was about our vision. Chip asked if God was asking us to make room in our vision for our lives for what He might have for us. Do we need to make room in our lives for something else that will further his kingdom.  And the response song was "Lord Our God". (Promise maker, Promise Keeper, You finish what you begin. Our provision through the desert, You see it through to the end. We won't move without you). That's my song. That's the song God has used many times in my life, especially transition times. Ok God, I hear you. I need some confirmation please. And boy did He give it to me.

I wish you could see my journal over the last few months. You know how sometimes God tells you the same thing a number of different times and ways until you get the point? Usually in my life its just a few times, over a week or so. But this time, well, its May and its still coming. Day after day after day. Devotionals, scripture, songs, people, sermons, books. Thoughts about trusting God, stepping out in faith, God has great plans for you, obedience, leaving the known for the unknown, releasing what you have to prepare for what is coming... day after day after day. If anyone has been following me on Facebook you can read most of them. I swear Christine Caine and Lysa Terkeurst know what's going on in my life and are speaking directly to me! But even on days when I would do our church's reading plan, God would use it!

The sermon series was four weeks, and over those four weeks, I slowly surrendered my plan, and agreed to obey. After the final sermon, we were asked to sign a commitment card about what we were making room for. I couldn't write on the card what I was doing, but that was my commitment. Again, the response song was "Lord my God". (In the silence, in the waiting, Still we can know You are good, All Your plans are for Your glory, Yes, we can know You are good). So now I'm waiting. I don't know what God has for me. I have the perfect plan in my head, directing a preschool during school hours for lots of money! Wouldn't that be great! But I'm waiting for his perfect plan, whatever that might be. I have moments of doubt. What did I just do? But I know what I did. I obeyed. And now I trust. And on the scary days where I wonder how this will turn out, He continues to speak truth to me about his goodness and faithfulness. Just today this was on Facebook. "God's got you. He who promised is faithful. He will never leave nor forsake you." 

I've been saying goodbye this week to many children, parents and teachers. I have a few weeks left, but I'm treasuring every goodbye. The good part is, I'll still see many of them at church. And, many of my teachers I have considered friends, but its hard to be a friend and a boss. So now I can just be a friend! God has been so good, so sweet, so faithful to me over the past three years. And I'm excited to see what the next step will be. 

The Most Beautiful Thing I Have Ever Read

I mentioned in our Christmas post last night that we lost a dear friend this week, very unexpectedly, and it has really rocked my world. I could barely hold it together in church this morning singing "Hark the Herald Angels Sing". The line "Mild he lay his glory by, born that man no more may die, born to raise the sons of earth, born to give them second birth" brought new meaning as I was grieving. Its one of those things that doesn't make sense. Tod was reaching so many people to Christ. Why would God take him so young. But then one of his friends posted this tonight, and its truly one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. So I wanted to post it here, partly so you could read it, and partly so I could reread it over and over when I need reminding of God's faithfulness and goodness. Written by Tod's best friend, Brian Summerall.

O Holy Night:

I spent Christmas Eve, not in the way I expected last night. My friend, Tod Bush, passed away a couple of days ago, While his brain showed no activity, his body was kept alive on a respirator for the last two days. So yesterday evening I went up to the hospital for one last earthly goodbye and to try to find some closure.

What I found instead was hope.

You see, Tod was an organ donor, and his body was kept alive so he could serve as a gift to many with no hope. After a tearful “I love you and I’ll see you in heaven,” and a final prayer, I sat with his family in the waiting room as this friend I love became the ultimate gift on Christmas.

In the midst of pain and heartbreak, hope entered in right about 8:00 in the form of a blue cooler that rolled into the room.

It was accompanied by an EMT and two heart surgeons (one in scrubs and one in golf pants and hat) from North Carolina. They had just landed at Addison Airport and arrived by ambulance. One of the surgeons told us Tod’s heart was going to a woman who desperately needed it in North Carolina. While the surgeons were rushed to the operating room with their cooler, we sat with the EMT for two hours and told her about Tod.

Next thing we knew, the EMT got up, the surgeons rushed by, thanked us and told us everything went perfectly, and Tod’s heart rolled out the door in that blue cooler and boarded a private plane to North Carolina.

Jesus gave Tod a new heart when he accepted him at Frontier Ranch 30 years ago. On Christmas Eve, Tod gave that heart to a woman in North Carolina to save her life.

“Love so amazing. Love so divine.”

Within minutes, the next EMT rushed in with the lung team. We told her about Tod and his love of the Dallas Mavericks. We told her about the woman in North Carolina who would get Tod’s heart and would soon be wondering why she has a strange desire to watch Mavericks games.

After about an hour, his lungs rushed out the door to save a man in Florida.

“Then the LORD God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.” Genesis 2:7

The same lungs that God breathed life into for Tod would now give life to a man in Florida. The lungs that climbed mountains so countless kids could hear about Jesus would now give life at sea level.

“A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices.”

It went on all night. They took his eyes so a blind man could see.

“Mary did you know that your baby boy will give sight to a blind man?”

He gave everything… heart, lungs, kidneys, liver, eyes, skin, bones, tissue. Coolers rolled out, and planes took off one after another filled with gifts of hope.

Tod gave everything so that people who had no hope on Christmas Eve would receive the gift of life on Christmas morning.

What’s truly amazing about all of this and the reason it truly stirs our hearts is that Tod’s story is really God’s story. What Tod did for so many last night, God did for all of us on Christmas.

Like the woman in North Carolina, God’s word says our heart is defective.

“The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; Who can understand it?” - Jeremiah 17:9

We are in desperate need of a transplant. Without a donor, we have no hope… no life.

On Christmas Eve, God entered the story. But instead of hope in a rolling cooler, we find it in a manger. Hope entered the world in a baby. Jesus. God with us.

A world with no hope on Christmas Eve, was given the gift of life on Christmas day.

“He came that we might have life and life to the full.” - John 10:10.

And just like Tod, God gave everything.

“For God so loved the world, that he GAVE his only son…” John 3:16

“Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering… and by his wounds, we are healed.” Isaiah 53:4-5

The ultimate gift.

“Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God” - John 1:12

Those who received Tod’s gifts last night got a new life. Those who receive God’s gift today, get eternal life.

New heart, new breath, new sight, new life.

So in the midst of heartache and loss last night, I saw God’s story. I saw what God did for me. I saw hope.

I saw Jesus in Tod when he lived, I experienced Jesus in Tod when he died.

“A thrill of hope the weary soul rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!

Fall on your knees
Oh hear the angel voices
Oh night divine
Oh night when Christ was born.”

Christmas 2016 Update

Just pretend that you received a Christmas card with an adorable picture, and on it was the link to this blog post so you can read our update. Cards just didn't happen this year. New Year's cards are maybe a possibility, but doubtful. So here is our update.

Campbell is in 3rd grade, loving school. His teacher is our neighbor down the street, and I love having an insider to keep me posted on him. He's a character. He played basketball, baseball and Upward football this year. He made the All Star baseball team and that helped him get more motivated to work hard I think. Jason coached him in baseball and they both had to learn how to work together in that setting but they were season champs, so it all worked out. He loves to play video games and watch You Tube videos.

Cade is in 7th grade. He's on the FCA leadership team, the Math Counts team, the 7th grade basketball and baseball teams, and our church middle school servant leader team. He is a born leader, but he's a quiet leader, behind the scenes. He loves to play X Box and play with our dog Sadie.

Cooper is in 9th grade, and handling high school quite well. He lives and breaths baseball, and works out after school three days a week with the varsity baseball team. He's getting so tall and strong. He has big dreams and we are excited to watch where his hard work takes him. He serves in children's ministry on Sunday mornings and middle school on Wednesday nights doing tech.

Jason's job has shifted some and he now focuses on our high school ministry at Pinelake. He's loving building relationships with the students and building a new leadership team. He has some exciting things planned for 2017.

I am still the Director of Childcare/MMO at Pinelake and loving it. I'm also still a Compassionate Entrepreneur with Trades of Hope, although in my fourth year I have had to step back some with our boys' busy schedule. But I love that I can do something to help those in poverty and trafficking from my home in the free moments that our family's schedule allows.

Jason and I are going to the Passion conference next week with our Seniors and then leaving from there to go to Pigeon Forge, TN to celebrate our 20th Anniversary. (That's just craziness!) We went there on our honeymoon, and if you had told me back then as a 21 year old newlywed where we would be now, I'm not sure I would have believed it. But I am so thankful and honored to be in this place in our journey. Not to end on a sad note, but we had a friend pass away this week, way too young and very suddenly. It has wrecked me on some levels. It makes me all the more certain that I have to take each day as a gift, ask God to show me opportunities to minister and love people, and love and serve my family daily because we don't know how long our time here will be. I want to not take a day in 2017 for granted. And I want people to remember me for making a difference. Here's to a wonderful new year!

Poor Peter, Wait that's me!

At the end of Matthew chapter 16, Jesus tells the disciples that he will die and on the 3rd day be raised to life. And Peter gets upset and says "Never Lord!" Verse 23 "Jesus turned and said to Peter, 'Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men."

And then the very next chapter, Peter, James and John get to go up to the mountain with Jesus, and he is transfigured, shown in his glorified state. They also see Moses and Isaiah and hear the voice of God who says "This is my son, Listen to Him!" Sweet Peter, after he picks himself back up off the ground, offers to build Jesus, Moses and Isaiah shelters. Why would Peter offer that? My NIV Study Bible says "Peter may have desired to erect new tents of meeting where God could again communication with his people... he seemed eager to find fulfillment of the promised glory then, prior to the sufferings that Jesus had announced as necessary... The idea was not appropriate, however, because Jesus had a work to finish in his few remaining days on earth."

Poor Peter thought he was saying the right thing. He didn't want his friend to die. What Jesus was saying didn't make sense and didn't sound right. He wanted good things for Jesus, and thought he would be King. But God had a bigger plan.

Peter wanted to build them little houses. He probably wanted to live in that holy moment. "Let's just stay here. We don't need to go onto this horrible thing that you said is going to happen. Just hang here." Luke 9:33 even says "He did not know what he was saying." Again, poor Peter thought, out of his flesh, he was saying something good. But God's plans were bigger. And Jesus needed to finish them.

We can only see temporary. But God sees eternal.

Help me Lord to see your big picture, and be obedient, even when it doesn't make sense, even when where I am seems safer. Your thoughts are higher than my thoughts and your plans are better. And I don't always need to know why. I am a why person, but I need to learn to obey without the why. Its a form of humbleness to trust you. Teach me.

Compassion for Starving People... I don't have it.

Matthew Chapter 5 contains the story of feeding the 4000, but something jumped out at me differently this time. Jesus is teaching the people and its time to go home. Jesus says in verse 32 "I have compassion for these people; they have already been with me three days and have nothing to eat. I do not want to send them away hungry or they may collapse on the way." Two major thoughts.

1. These people had been listening to Jesus for three days without food apparently. They were more spiritually hungry than physically hungry. That shows how dedicated they were to hearing him and being in his presence. No excuses. I have probably never been that desperate to be with Jesus. I come up with excuses all the time not to be with Jesus, and they aren't even good excuses. I need to do laundry, cook dinner, empty the dishwasher, get on Facebook, check my email, on and on and on. These people were starving, not just for food, but more starving for Jesus. 

Psalm 63:1 The Message "God—you’re my God! I can’t get enough of you! I’ve worked up such hunger and thirst for God, traveling across dry and weary deserts"

Oh that that would be my prayer.

2. Jesus had been teaching and healing for three days at least. He had to be worn out. I can't imagine how worn out he was, but he didn't just say, "see ya people. I'm out. Y'all are on your own." He had compassion for them. As they were leaving him, he wanted to make sure they were ok. His compassion didn't have an end to it. My compassion and love for people needs to grow! Even when I'm tired and tired of people.   

I Peter 3:8 Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.

Teach me how to be compassionate Lord, even when I'm worn out. 

Are you Weary?

I am weary. Have been for a few weeks. Not just tired physically, but lots of other ways. The verse about coming to God if I was weary floated through my head a few times, and Praise be to God, it was part of our L3 Saturday. So God and I camped out there for a while on Saturday night, and as He usually does, He taught me some new things in a verse that I've read a hundred times.

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

I was thinking about the yoke part. One of my commentaries says "A yoke is a heavy wooden harness that fits over the shoulders of an ox or oxen. It is attached to a piece of equipment the oxen are to pull..." Here's a picture in case you aren't sure what that looks like. 



Poor guys, strapped together. Can't go anywhere on their own. They have to work together or let one of them lead and the other follow. Oh wait! That's what I'm supposed to do! Jesus says to take his yoke, and his burden is light. If I let him lead me, then the burden is even lighter. I don't have to make those decisions about which way to go. Just walk with my Savior who is yoked to me. 

The part that really struck out to me that I have glossed over before is "learn from me". He wants to teach me how to live, how to deal with my daily circumstances, and how to grow in Him. And he is a gentle, humble teacher, not harsh. When I am yoked with him, it can be easy and light, not that my circumstances will be, but the joy and strength and peace I can feel will make it feel lighter. And I can find rest! Just that word makes me want to take a deep breath and relax. He is a good, good father who wants to help me!

The end of that commentary statement above says "The rest that Jesus promises is love, healing, and peace with God, not the end of all labor. A relationship with God changes meaningless, wearisome toil into spiritual productivity and purpose."  That sounds wonderful.

Of course the hard thing about being yoked with someone is, you lose your independence. You are now dependent on that person you are yoked to. That's how its supposed to work with God. When I'm stressed and tired because of my circumstances, its usually because I've been doing it on my own strength, and not placing my dependence upon Him. 

Father, thank you for being willing to be yoked to me! I wouldn't want to be yoked to me. Help me learn how to be dependent upon you, to walk with you, to lean on you, and let you lead me. Thank you for your rest, your peace, your joy and strength! You are my good Father!