Covid Update #2

Covid update: As of tonight, our Children's Center is now closed, so all five of us will be home together. I'm kind of looking forward to it. I have a to do list for myself, but I also want to play games with the kids, or bake together, or walk together. I'm hoping to find something I can do with each son just the two of us. And I am ready to rest! The past few weeks have been some of the most stressful of my life. When I left tonight, I cried a few tears. I do have a peace about the decision, and pray that we are only closed a few weeks, but its emotional to walk away from it.

On the home front, I have been really impressed with how the boys have been handling their at home time. They really crave their school work, and are keeping up. Campbell is in band and is practicing as I type this, and sending videos to his band teacher. We have a new drum set and he's been spending lots of time in the garage. He's also found a game on the computer where he writes songs with different sounds. Cade has been spending time in the kitchen baking. And he's made dad go buy wood and has built some apparatus to use in the garage for baseball. Coop has painted a beautiful picture, has led an online FCA meeting, has had zoom calls with his fellow incoming MC freshmen, and still has legit dual credit college classes he's finishing up. And all three of them go outside everyday and hit or throw. We don't talk about baseball much though. We would probably all cry if we think too much about it. And Jason has been helping them all where he can while having church zoom meetings all day.

Easter is Sunday. It came fast. It will be different and quiet. I haven't had a lot of time this week to think about it, but I was in a zoom call tonight with my life group and we read Luke 24. When we read verses 5 & 6 "Why do you seek the living among the dead? He is not here, but he has risen," I got a little choked up and probably would have fallen apart had there not been 12 other squares of people who could see me. It just was overwhelming to think of that. He was dead and came back to life. I was dead and he brought me back to life. I didn't go from bad to good, I went from dead to alive. More on that another day.

Covid-19 Gadman Family Update

Four out of the five of us are hunkered down at home during this lovely virus crisis. The one who is still out and about, that would be me. I'm still working because our daycare is still open, and will remain open as long as we can to help our families who need to work at their essential jobs. It has been incredibly stressful balancing the safety of our children and staff with the help we want to give to the community. Many daycares in the area have closed. We only have about 1/4 of our kids, but that's still 75 kids coming. We are staggering our staff, cleaning like mad people, and checking temperatures at the door. And we just keep going, reminding ourselves of God's goodness.

On the home front, kids are doing online school stuff, and luckily I have older kids who are self starters who love school so we haven't had any issues. Hubby is working from home helping the church come up with ways to minister to the community. I have cooked more and we have sat at the table more in the past two weeks, well I just can't remember how long its been. So I'm treasuring these moments, especially with my senior.

That's been the hardest part of this. We were in Biloxi for a baseball tournament when the world came to a stop and the NBA suspended their season. We couldn't believe it and thought everyone was over reacting. But by Saturday at their last game, we were all waiting for the inevitable email to come that said school was out. They lost the last game by 1 run in 10 innings. Many of the seniors were on the field crying because we had a strong suspicion it would be their last game of their high school career. It didn't really hit me then or I would have probably been crying too.

We have three boys who play baseball, and we are sitting at home every night watching movies. That's not where we're supposed to be. I'm supposed to be cheering my high school senior on as he pitches. I'm supposed to be cheering my JV player on as he finds his place on his new team. He never got to play a game at all this season. And I'm supposed to be cheering on my 11 year old and his select team who have become his best friends. They have played in one tournament, which they did win, so we can say we are undefeated this season! The color coded calendar with all their games on it just taunts me. Normally I am in full blown exhaustion mode at this point, but loving every minute of watching them play. But instead I am treasuring the few games Cooper did get to play and remembering the awesome moments he had. I'm looking forward to next year for Cade. And hoping our youngest gets to play this summer.

My senior was supposed to be going to prom this weekend. And graduation is scheduled for May 11. So we're still praying that might happen. But in the meantime, I'm trying to enjoy these quiet moments with him. He will be gone in just a few short months. So I know I will treasure this time when I look back on it, some day. But for now, we hold hands at dinner around the table (after we have washed them), take elderberry and vitamin C, and pray really hard for this to pass quickly, for protection, and for us to have good family time. This too shall pass. And God is not surprised by any of it. But it stinks all the same.

 

Birthday Battle

As I fully expected, my idea of blogging more often is much harder when I'm not at a conference by myself, when I'm home with laundry, meals, baseball practices, a full time job and sleeping somewhere along the way. But I really have to try! It feels so good to get my thoughts out, and it helps my heart and brain to function better. Jason and I took a personality test once that was different than most, and the only thing I remember is that I was "literary". It said that meant I think in a literary sense, and its so true! Thoughts in my head are stories that I write in blog form, or Facebook post form some days. I even will rewrite parts I don't like. Sometimes its bad because I write the worst possible endings to my stories if I'm not in a good head space. I have to stop myself and rewrite it and change the ending. I get mad at myself sometimes. Why do you end it that way!? That wouldn't happen! Stop worrying about the worst possible scenario. Expect the better option, not the worst. Its like a battle.

I read a great passage the other day that kind of gave me some strategies for fighting the battle. Its kind of random, but go with me here. 1 Chronicles 12, the Mighty Men of David. Saul had just died and David is slowly taking the throne to be king of Israel. Men from all the tribes come from all over to support him and make sure he takes the throne. It lists every tribe and how many they sent to fight. It describes them with such powerful words: mighty men, bowmen who could shoot arrows with either hand, stronghold, experienced warriors, faces were like the faces of lions, swift as gazelles, valor, men who had understanding of the times, weapons of war, singleness of purpose, shield and spear, equipped and ready for battle, a whole heart to make David king, a single mind!

I wrote in my journal when I read that, "when God sends you to battle, he will send you an army. And when they are united, of single mind and purpose, they are unstoppable!" It reminded me to make sure I am assembling people around me who are united with me, who will support me, encourage me, fight for me if necessary. And in my thoughts, I have to tell myself that I have an army of God behind me and before me. God will not let me fight alone. When the stories pop into my head that don't end well, I have to change the story and fight the battle of my mind with stories of victory and goodness, not defeat. Not that bad things won't happen, they will. But I have to stay focused on the goodness of God. I need to be of single mind, have a singleness of purpose, my whole heart focused on God's calling to me, don't get distracted by the negative. Keep my warriors around me.

Today is my birthday. It hasn't been all roses and sweetness. But I have to change the negative story in my head and focus on all the good, the sweet birthday wishes, my awesome decorated desk and gifts from my coworkers, a yummy homemade chocolate birthday cake, and spending time with family. Fight the mental battle. Change the story to focus on the positive. Surround yourself with an army of people who love and support you. Change your heart to a heart of gratefulness.

Bibles

As any good Southern Baptist girl does, I have Bibles all over my house from my whole life, because I just don't know what to do with an old Bible. I would never be able to get rid of one. I'm sure I could give it to someone who needs one, like some powerful moment in the airport or something, but that's never happened to me, so my Bibles pile up in a bookshelf. I have my pink Precious Moments Bible from Elementary School. My beautiful green Bible from high school that the cover came off of so its in a green Bible cover. I have a Women's Devotional Bible that was given to me from a sweet family I babysat for as a high school graduation gift. We have a huge Family Bible that was given to us as a wedding gift. I have a couple of tiny Bibles that I bought throughout the years to travel with because I thought it would be easier, but the font is so small, how can anyone read those things. My current Bible I take to church is a fairly recent purchase before Lifeway stores went out of business (don't get me started on that, that's for another blog post.). I love it, my current favorite color of turquoise and in the same version our pastor uses to preach out of. But this post is really about my favorite Bible.

Jason's first church as a youth minister was Trinity Baptist Church in Henderson, TX. When he was interviewing with them he took me with him on the interview, and we weren't even engaged yet, but close. While we served there, we got engaged and married. The church pianist and organist played at our wedding and their kids were our ring bearer and flower girls. (Goodness, those kids are in their late 20s now!) And our sweet pastor did our welcome. And every Sunday while we attended there, Jude and Gaynell Glascock sat behind us in church. They were the sweetest older couple who I know genuinely prayed for us and our ministry there.

When I graduated from college, Jude asked me what I wanted as a graduation gift, and I said a new Bible that had my new married name on it. He brought me money and told me to go pick out a new Bible. I picked out a navy NIV Study Bible and was so proud to engrave Christy Gadman on the cover. I remember how excited I was so show it to them and wanted them to sign the inside of it, but they were afraid their elderly handwriting wouldn't look good, so they watched me write in the cover that they had given it to me on that date.

I still use that Bible for most of my quiet times in the mornings, 22 years later. Because its so big, I haven't taken it to church very much, so its still in good shape. But it has so much underlined in it. I did use it in Seminary and so the 20 verses I had to memorize in my Biblical counseling class are underlined in a different color. I'm not one to write too many notes in the margins, I fill up journals instead, so you won't find too much written there. But if I only had time to grab one Bible if we had to leave quickly that would be it.

I did a search of those sweet people awhile back. Jude passed away in 2004 at 89 years of age. He had been a Baptist pastor. He had married Gaynell after his first wife died and they had been married 14 years when he passed, but when you met them, you would have thought they had been married forever. Gaynell passed away in 2007 at 91. I will always remember their kindness and support of this young newly married couple at their first church who didn't know what they were doing. And I treasure that Bible they gifted me. I hope I can pass on that kindness to the next generation.

How to fight my critical spirit

Its been over two years since I blogged last. That shows you what a full time job and three kids will do to you. But I've been itching to start back. I think my brain might work better if I take time to be creative and process things in writing. And God teaches me so many things that I might journal for myself, but I think other people might learn from them too if I'm willing to share. So here goes.

I'm at a conference this week in Orlando, ALL BY MYSELF! I am an introvert and enjoy having quiet time, but its almost been too much. I have seen my brother for dinner and ran into a former staff member, and have of course talked to my hubby on the phone, and that's been just about enough to get my word count up to an acceptable level. I'm enjoying my conversations with the Lord too. He's been talking to me a lot.

What I did not enjoy was what he told me yesterday morning in our first session. We were having an extended prayer time where there were stations around the room and we were supposed to go to the stations or have prayer and worship in our chairs. I was journaling and praying and having a perfectly wonderful time between me and the Lord when I was rudely interrupted by these two ladies behind me who had apparently decided they were not going to participate and proceeded to talk to each other the whole time, not particularly quietly either. The longer it went on the madder I got. I fumed and said unkind things to them, in my head. I prayed and told God how rude they were. And then I was mad at myself for being so critical of people. I am a critical person by nature. Its why I'm good at my job, because I'm always looking for how things can be done better.

As I complained to God about the women and my own critical spirit, He gave me a blue print for how to deal with my critical nature in very practical terms.
1. Fix the problem. (I could have told the women to be quiet or take it somewhere else. But since I would never do that, on to #2)
2. Change yourself. (I could have moved somewhere else. But since I was comfortable where I was with all my stuff out, I didn't, so on to #3)
3. Deal with it. Fix your attitude. If you aren't going to do #1 or #2, then you just have to figure out how to over look it or change your attitude.

Seems simple. So I tried it the next two main sessions. The next one I ended up sitting by a women who made up motions to the songs, not sign language (which I love watching), but motions like she was in a youth choir in the 80s. She was breaking chains, and counting the 3 parts of the Trinity. So I tried my new blueprint. I can't ask her to stop worshiping in whatever way she wants to worship. So I did a mixture of #2 and #3. I shifted enough where I was standing so that I didn't see her out of the corner of my eye and then I just thanked God that I was next to someone so passionate about worshiping her Father.

Session three, I sit down and not five minutes later a couple of ladies sit in front of me and one of them has their child with them, maybe a 3 or 4 year old. Now I love kids, its what I do and I'm at a Children's Pastors conference. But that's one of the reasons we come to things like this, to GET A BREAK FROM KIDS! So nope. So I did #2. I got up and moved far away. No reason to sit and be distracted and fume the whole time about why she brought her kid. And it worked. I had a great time of worship and wasn't worried about that sweet child and his momma.

So that's my blueprint for dealing with a critical nature. Its helping so far in this bubble of a Christian conference. We'll see how it works in a few days when I get back to the real world!

I'm glad to be back in the blogging world. It feels good.


 

Trades of Hope Five Years In!

I just returned from spending a weekend in Nashville with some amazing Trades of Hope sisters at our annual retreat for training, inspiration and encouragement. It was a great weekend, reconnecting with Compassionate Entrepreneur sisters from around the country that I only get to see once a year, and making new CE friends. And it came at the perfect time, because I joined Trades of Hope 5 years ago last week. FIVE YEARS! I can't believe it. When I joined there were only 150 Compassionate Entrepreneurs in the company, and we just hit 5000! So exciting! To honor these five years, I thought I would give you the top ten wonderful things about being a part of TOH. So in no particular order (because I could never say one was more important than another) here are my top ten!

10. I have grown so much in my social skills and getting out of my comfort zone. I've never been good at speaking to strangers and this has really helped as I've met women at parties, other CEs, and new hostesses. I have traveled to a foreign country, overcoming so many fears in that process. I'm still growing in this area as I learn how to do "live" Facebook videos! Way out of my comfort zone!

9. It gives me a purpose outside of being a mom and wife. I love being those things, and I've had other jobs along the way, but this gives me something that is "mine", it becomes what I put into it. It gives me a reason to get out of the house and travel, and in a house full of boys, I can be girly!

8. Becoming more fashionable! I have never cared a great deal about what I wear, and yet, never felt like I was dressed very cute. But when you have beautiful accessories that you want to wear, it helps you to up your fashion skills! I just started wearing a kimono and I love it! Who knew?

7. I have made extra money that has helped my family. Its been used to go on vacations, pay bills, school fees and pay for lots of baseball! But I've also used it to treat myself.

6. I have learned so much about poverty and trafficking. These aren't topics that people may want to know about, but they are important! These are things that are not ok with my heavenly Father, and He wants His people to step in and help end them!

5.I have gained confidence in myself, the good kind, when you are proud because you set a goal, go after it, and reach it, and where you think you can't do something, but you do! I have had moments when I compared myself to others, I felt that I was failing. But when God taught me to not compare myself to anyone, and to be content with where I was and who I was in Him, it brought such peace and confidence in myself.

4. I have grown in my faith. There have been many conversations with my Father about my business, the struggles, the successes, the questions, the frustrations. And when I ask Him for a boost, He gives it to me! He wants me to help the widows and orphans and the poor, and when I give effort, even if it seems small, He will bless it.

3. I have been inspired by the founders of our company. Joining so early when I did, I have gotten to know the four ladies who founded our company in a way that would never happen if I had joined a larger direct sales company. They are brave, powerful, awe inspiring women, and each year when I see them, and they know my name and hug me, I feel known. And then they speak about what they envision for our company, and I am thankful to follow after them.

2.I have grown in my leadership skills. I have a great team under me, and sometimes I can give more to them than other times, but I know God uses my team to build my leadership skills that I can use in other areas of my life too.

1. I have met amazing, beautiful women from all over the country! I have life long friends that can only come from being in a foreign country together. And I have met so many ladies as hostesses, party goers and other CE's that I would have never met otherwise. I have great ladies that have joined my team over the five years that I can now call friends.

There are probably ten more things I could list, like organizational skills, goal setting, budgeting, etc. But really, the bottom line is, that it has empowered me! I have become a better person because of this journey! And that's what Trades of Hope is all about. We are empowering our artisans around the world by marketing their products, but it empowers us too! I am so thankful that five years ago, I saw a blog post about Trades of Hope, and I took a big step of faith!  I've never wanted to sell anything, but when I held my first products, it was a powerful moment. I don't know how long God will keep me with TOH, but I am so thankful for this part of my life journey!

The rest of the story...

I started a new job a few weeks ago. I know, it was fast. God was so sweet to give me some summer at home with my kiddos. But one day after I had been home for a few weeks I got an email from a friend about a job that had just opened up. And a few weeks later, I accepted the position. Its a full time job, which I have never had with kids before, so it will be a change for our family. I have been so blessed to work part time since our kids entered the world, and they were always with me at the preschools that I worked for. But this is the perfect time for me to enter the full time working world and I am super excited.

The night before I was expecting the offer, I was laying in bed praying, and telling God I needed a loud and quick "No" if this wasn't was I was supposed to do. I rolled over, and my baby (who isn't a baby anymore) was asleep in his daddy's place in the bed. I told God "I just want to be a good momma. Can I be a good momma, the kind of momma I want to be, and work full time?"  And I felt like God told me, "All those mommas who will drop off their babies to you just want to be good mommas too, and they want a safe place for their babies to go while they are at work." And He reminded me of all of the places in the community that those mommas and daddies go to each day, and how by caring for their children, I am in a way touching all those places too. Its a huge and overwhelming honor.

That next Sunday, guess what we sang at church? We sang "Lord our God." God giving me another piece of confirmation that He was in this and His plan is big.

I'm in my third week now. It's been hard, and exciting, and exhilarating and exhausting. My first night I must have had adrenaline because I cooked dinner and did laundry and went to a baseball game. The second night I crashed on the couch and ordered pizza. Balance right? I have been so welcomed by teachers and kiddos, and I can't wait to get to know them all better and see all that God is going to do.

Obey and Trust and Wait

After three years as Director of Childcare and Mother's Morning Out at Pinelake Church, I have resigned my position. Its been an amazing three years. So why did I resign? Lots of small reasons. But the biggest reason is simply because God told me to.

Back in March, I gave all of my teachers a letter of intent to fill out for next school year, and I gave them a very inspirational speech where I told them to pray about what God would have for them. Pray and ask God if he still has you here, or if there is somewhere else He is leading you. We all have seasons, and sometimes God asks us to do something else. Are you still called to be here? As I was saying all that to them, God nudged my spirit that I needed to pray about that for myself too.

As I began that process of praying and seeking him, we started a new series at church called "Making Room". The first sermon was about our vision. Chip asked if God was asking us to make room in our vision for our lives for what He might have for us. Do we need to make room in our lives for something else that will further his kingdom.  And the response song was "Lord Our God". (Promise maker, Promise Keeper, You finish what you begin. Our provision through the desert, You see it through to the end. We won't move without you). That's my song. That's the song God has used many times in my life, especially transition times. Ok God, I hear you. I need some confirmation please. And boy did He give it to me.

I wish you could see my journal over the last few months. You know how sometimes God tells you the same thing a number of different times and ways until you get the point? Usually in my life its just a few times, over a week or so. But this time, well, its May and its still coming. Day after day after day. Devotionals, scripture, songs, people, sermons, books. Thoughts about trusting God, stepping out in faith, God has great plans for you, obedience, leaving the known for the unknown, releasing what you have to prepare for what is coming... day after day after day. If anyone has been following me on Facebook you can read most of them. I swear Christine Caine and Lysa Terkeurst know what's going on in my life and are speaking directly to me! But even on days when I would do our church's reading plan, God would use it!

The sermon series was four weeks, and over those four weeks, I slowly surrendered my plan, and agreed to obey. After the final sermon, we were asked to sign a commitment card about what we were making room for. I couldn't write on the card what I was doing, but that was my commitment. Again, the response song was "Lord my God". (In the silence, in the waiting, Still we can know You are good, All Your plans are for Your glory, Yes, we can know You are good). So now I'm waiting. I don't know what God has for me. I have the perfect plan in my head, directing a preschool during school hours for lots of money! Wouldn't that be great! But I'm waiting for his perfect plan, whatever that might be. I have moments of doubt. What did I just do? But I know what I did. I obeyed. And now I trust. And on the scary days where I wonder how this will turn out, He continues to speak truth to me about his goodness and faithfulness. Just today this was on Facebook. "God's got you. He who promised is faithful. He will never leave nor forsake you." 

I've been saying goodbye this week to many children, parents and teachers. I have a few weeks left, but I'm treasuring every goodbye. The good part is, I'll still see many of them at church. And, many of my teachers I have considered friends, but its hard to be a friend and a boss. So now I can just be a friend! God has been so good, so sweet, so faithful to me over the past three years. And I'm excited to see what the next step will be. 

The Most Beautiful Thing I Have Ever Read

I mentioned in our Christmas post last night that we lost a dear friend this week, very unexpectedly, and it has really rocked my world. I could barely hold it together in church this morning singing "Hark the Herald Angels Sing". The line "Mild he lay his glory by, born that man no more may die, born to raise the sons of earth, born to give them second birth" brought new meaning as I was grieving. Its one of those things that doesn't make sense. Tod was reaching so many people to Christ. Why would God take him so young. But then one of his friends posted this tonight, and its truly one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. So I wanted to post it here, partly so you could read it, and partly so I could reread it over and over when I need reminding of God's faithfulness and goodness. Written by Tod's best friend, Brian Summerall.

O Holy Night:

I spent Christmas Eve, not in the way I expected last night. My friend, Tod Bush, passed away a couple of days ago, While his brain showed no activity, his body was kept alive on a respirator for the last two days. So yesterday evening I went up to the hospital for one last earthly goodbye and to try to find some closure.

What I found instead was hope.

You see, Tod was an organ donor, and his body was kept alive so he could serve as a gift to many with no hope. After a tearful “I love you and I’ll see you in heaven,” and a final prayer, I sat with his family in the waiting room as this friend I love became the ultimate gift on Christmas.

In the midst of pain and heartbreak, hope entered in right about 8:00 in the form of a blue cooler that rolled into the room.

It was accompanied by an EMT and two heart surgeons (one in scrubs and one in golf pants and hat) from North Carolina. They had just landed at Addison Airport and arrived by ambulance. One of the surgeons told us Tod’s heart was going to a woman who desperately needed it in North Carolina. While the surgeons were rushed to the operating room with their cooler, we sat with the EMT for two hours and told her about Tod.

Next thing we knew, the EMT got up, the surgeons rushed by, thanked us and told us everything went perfectly, and Tod’s heart rolled out the door in that blue cooler and boarded a private plane to North Carolina.

Jesus gave Tod a new heart when he accepted him at Frontier Ranch 30 years ago. On Christmas Eve, Tod gave that heart to a woman in North Carolina to save her life.

“Love so amazing. Love so divine.”

Within minutes, the next EMT rushed in with the lung team. We told her about Tod and his love of the Dallas Mavericks. We told her about the woman in North Carolina who would get Tod’s heart and would soon be wondering why she has a strange desire to watch Mavericks games.

After about an hour, his lungs rushed out the door to save a man in Florida.

“Then the LORD God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.” Genesis 2:7

The same lungs that God breathed life into for Tod would now give life to a man in Florida. The lungs that climbed mountains so countless kids could hear about Jesus would now give life at sea level.

“A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices.”

It went on all night. They took his eyes so a blind man could see.

“Mary did you know that your baby boy will give sight to a blind man?”

He gave everything… heart, lungs, kidneys, liver, eyes, skin, bones, tissue. Coolers rolled out, and planes took off one after another filled with gifts of hope.

Tod gave everything so that people who had no hope on Christmas Eve would receive the gift of life on Christmas morning.

What’s truly amazing about all of this and the reason it truly stirs our hearts is that Tod’s story is really God’s story. What Tod did for so many last night, God did for all of us on Christmas.

Like the woman in North Carolina, God’s word says our heart is defective.

“The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; Who can understand it?” - Jeremiah 17:9

We are in desperate need of a transplant. Without a donor, we have no hope… no life.

On Christmas Eve, God entered the story. But instead of hope in a rolling cooler, we find it in a manger. Hope entered the world in a baby. Jesus. God with us.

A world with no hope on Christmas Eve, was given the gift of life on Christmas day.

“He came that we might have life and life to the full.” - John 10:10.

And just like Tod, God gave everything.

“For God so loved the world, that he GAVE his only son…” John 3:16

“Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering… and by his wounds, we are healed.” Isaiah 53:4-5

The ultimate gift.

“Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God” - John 1:12

Those who received Tod’s gifts last night got a new life. Those who receive God’s gift today, get eternal life.

New heart, new breath, new sight, new life.

So in the midst of heartache and loss last night, I saw God’s story. I saw what God did for me. I saw hope.

I saw Jesus in Tod when he lived, I experienced Jesus in Tod when he died.

“A thrill of hope the weary soul rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!

Fall on your knees
Oh hear the angel voices
Oh night divine
Oh night when Christ was born.”

Christmas 2016 Update

Just pretend that you received a Christmas card with an adorable picture, and on it was the link to this blog post so you can read our update. Cards just didn't happen this year. New Year's cards are maybe a possibility, but doubtful. So here is our update.

Campbell is in 3rd grade, loving school. His teacher is our neighbor down the street, and I love having an insider to keep me posted on him. He's a character. He played basketball, baseball and Upward football this year. He made the All Star baseball team and that helped him get more motivated to work hard I think. Jason coached him in baseball and they both had to learn how to work together in that setting but they were season champs, so it all worked out. He loves to play video games and watch You Tube videos.

Cade is in 7th grade. He's on the FCA leadership team, the Math Counts team, the 7th grade basketball and baseball teams, and our church middle school servant leader team. He is a born leader, but he's a quiet leader, behind the scenes. He loves to play X Box and play with our dog Sadie.

Cooper is in 9th grade, and handling high school quite well. He lives and breaths baseball, and works out after school three days a week with the varsity baseball team. He's getting so tall and strong. He has big dreams and we are excited to watch where his hard work takes him. He serves in children's ministry on Sunday mornings and middle school on Wednesday nights doing tech.

Jason's job has shifted some and he now focuses on our high school ministry at Pinelake. He's loving building relationships with the students and building a new leadership team. He has some exciting things planned for 2017.

I am still the Director of Childcare/MMO at Pinelake and loving it. I'm also still a Compassionate Entrepreneur with Trades of Hope, although in my fourth year I have had to step back some with our boys' busy schedule. But I love that I can do something to help those in poverty and trafficking from my home in the free moments that our family's schedule allows.

Jason and I are going to the Passion conference next week with our Seniors and then leaving from there to go to Pigeon Forge, TN to celebrate our 20th Anniversary. (That's just craziness!) We went there on our honeymoon, and if you had told me back then as a 21 year old newlywed where we would be now, I'm not sure I would have believed it. But I am so thankful and honored to be in this place in our journey. Not to end on a sad note, but we had a friend pass away this week, way too young and very suddenly. It has wrecked me on some levels. It makes me all the more certain that I have to take each day as a gift, ask God to show me opportunities to minister and love people, and love and serve my family daily because we don't know how long our time here will be. I want to not take a day in 2017 for granted. And I want people to remember me for making a difference. Here's to a wonderful new year!

Poor Peter, Wait that's me!

At the end of Matthew chapter 16, Jesus tells the disciples that he will die and on the 3rd day be raised to life. And Peter gets upset and says "Never Lord!" Verse 23 "Jesus turned and said to Peter, 'Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men."

And then the very next chapter, Peter, James and John get to go up to the mountain with Jesus, and he is transfigured, shown in his glorified state. They also see Moses and Isaiah and hear the voice of God who says "This is my son, Listen to Him!" Sweet Peter, after he picks himself back up off the ground, offers to build Jesus, Moses and Isaiah shelters. Why would Peter offer that? My NIV Study Bible says "Peter may have desired to erect new tents of meeting where God could again communication with his people... he seemed eager to find fulfillment of the promised glory then, prior to the sufferings that Jesus had announced as necessary... The idea was not appropriate, however, because Jesus had a work to finish in his few remaining days on earth."

Poor Peter thought he was saying the right thing. He didn't want his friend to die. What Jesus was saying didn't make sense and didn't sound right. He wanted good things for Jesus, and thought he would be King. But God had a bigger plan.

Peter wanted to build them little houses. He probably wanted to live in that holy moment. "Let's just stay here. We don't need to go onto this horrible thing that you said is going to happen. Just hang here." Luke 9:33 even says "He did not know what he was saying." Again, poor Peter thought, out of his flesh, he was saying something good. But God's plans were bigger. And Jesus needed to finish them.

We can only see temporary. But God sees eternal.

Help me Lord to see your big picture, and be obedient, even when it doesn't make sense, even when where I am seems safer. Your thoughts are higher than my thoughts and your plans are better. And I don't always need to know why. I am a why person, but I need to learn to obey without the why. Its a form of humbleness to trust you. Teach me.

Compassion for Starving People... I don't have it.

Matthew Chapter 5 contains the story of feeding the 4000, but something jumped out at me differently this time. Jesus is teaching the people and its time to go home. Jesus says in verse 32 "I have compassion for these people; they have already been with me three days and have nothing to eat. I do not want to send them away hungry or they may collapse on the way." Two major thoughts.

1. These people had been listening to Jesus for three days without food apparently. They were more spiritually hungry than physically hungry. That shows how dedicated they were to hearing him and being in his presence. No excuses. I have probably never been that desperate to be with Jesus. I come up with excuses all the time not to be with Jesus, and they aren't even good excuses. I need to do laundry, cook dinner, empty the dishwasher, get on Facebook, check my email, on and on and on. These people were starving, not just for food, but more starving for Jesus. 

Psalm 63:1 The Message "God—you’re my God! I can’t get enough of you! I’ve worked up such hunger and thirst for God, traveling across dry and weary deserts"

Oh that that would be my prayer.

2. Jesus had been teaching and healing for three days at least. He had to be worn out. I can't imagine how worn out he was, but he didn't just say, "see ya people. I'm out. Y'all are on your own." He had compassion for them. As they were leaving him, he wanted to make sure they were ok. His compassion didn't have an end to it. My compassion and love for people needs to grow! Even when I'm tired and tired of people.   

I Peter 3:8 Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.

Teach me how to be compassionate Lord, even when I'm worn out. 

Are you Weary?

I am weary. Have been for a few weeks. Not just tired physically, but lots of other ways. The verse about coming to God if I was weary floated through my head a few times, and Praise be to God, it was part of our L3 Saturday. So God and I camped out there for a while on Saturday night, and as He usually does, He taught me some new things in a verse that I've read a hundred times.

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

I was thinking about the yoke part. One of my commentaries says "A yoke is a heavy wooden harness that fits over the shoulders of an ox or oxen. It is attached to a piece of equipment the oxen are to pull..." Here's a picture in case you aren't sure what that looks like. 



Poor guys, strapped together. Can't go anywhere on their own. They have to work together or let one of them lead and the other follow. Oh wait! That's what I'm supposed to do! Jesus says to take his yoke, and his burden is light. If I let him lead me, then the burden is even lighter. I don't have to make those decisions about which way to go. Just walk with my Savior who is yoked to me. 

The part that really struck out to me that I have glossed over before is "learn from me". He wants to teach me how to live, how to deal with my daily circumstances, and how to grow in Him. And he is a gentle, humble teacher, not harsh. When I am yoked with him, it can be easy and light, not that my circumstances will be, but the joy and strength and peace I can feel will make it feel lighter. And I can find rest! Just that word makes me want to take a deep breath and relax. He is a good, good father who wants to help me!

The end of that commentary statement above says "The rest that Jesus promises is love, healing, and peace with God, not the end of all labor. A relationship with God changes meaningless, wearisome toil into spiritual productivity and purpose."  That sounds wonderful.

Of course the hard thing about being yoked with someone is, you lose your independence. You are now dependent on that person you are yoked to. That's how its supposed to work with God. When I'm stressed and tired because of my circumstances, its usually because I've been doing it on my own strength, and not placing my dependence upon Him. 

Father, thank you for being willing to be yoked to me! I wouldn't want to be yoked to me. Help me learn how to be dependent upon you, to walk with you, to lean on you, and let you lead me. Thank you for your rest, your peace, your joy and strength! You are my good Father!

What a week...

What a week, right? Election 2016 will go down in history as, well, a mess. I have had great self control over the last few months, and even more this week, to not give my opinion on the election or who I voted for, and will try not to in this post. Why? Because like Paul, I want to say  "I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some." I have lost some respect for a few people through this process because of what they have said. I don't judge them, they are entitled to their opinion, I just didn't know that was their opinion, and I don't think they gave it very gracefully. I don't want anyone to lose respect for me or to label my character by who I voted for. Some battles are worth fighting for and standing up for truth. But in this election, I didn't think either choice was worth me losing respect from anyone. 


I have been reminded of a few things through this process though. I know God is still in control, still sovereign, and not surprised by any of this. And I trust Him. 
I have also realized that the darkness of the world is getting darker, and therefore my light must get brighter. I was driving the other night, and because of time change, realized it had been a long time since I have driven at night. And my eyes were killing me! The brightness of the headlights and street lights were glaring and painful, so much so that I had an vision checkup yesterday, and I will be getting glasses to wear when I drive. 

Its good to get a vision checkup once in a while spiritually too. Think about yourself as a light. Is your light so bright that to those living in darkness its glaring? Not that we want people to be in pain when they look at us, but we do want there to be such a difference in the way we are living they have no doubt that we are not dwellers of the darkness. We need to be shining our light in this world through how we love others, no matter what their labels are to the rest of the world. We need to show grace and love when they disagree with us. Why would anyone want what we have in Jesus if we seem hateful, judgmental and angry when people disagree with us. We need to be a light in this dark world, showing people the way in the darkness to Jesus, the light of the world, who will welcome them with open arms, no matter what label the world has given them. 

Lord, help me be light!

 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:14-16

All Staff Today

Once a month, all the staff from all five of our campuses gathers together for worship, teaching and meetings. I love these times. I sometimes miss some because we have childcare during that time for women's Bible studies that are on campus, so if it gets crazy then I have to sneak in the back. Our Senior Pastor Chip usually teaches us out of the L3 for the day. I try to read the passages before we get in there and guess which passages he will teach on and I got it right today.

Ezekiel 18 Your Soul Matters to God

Main points for me...
I matter because God gave me a soul, my soul belongs to Him, and he knows what is going on in my soul. He gives it, He watches it, and He requires it.
Matt. 10:28, 16:26, Luke 12:20, Psalm 34:22

God wants us to have soul health.
1. The health of my soul is not inherited.
We might be exposed to evil, but we can choose to be different. We might have a propensity to the evil, but we can overcome that. Generational sins can be broken! My soul health is not inherited! I can be chain breaker! Amen!

2. Your soul health has to be maintained.
Righteous people can drift, but they can repent and depend on the Spirit of God to help them by creating a clean heart, restoring their joy. Psalm 51:10

I took three pages of notes, so this is truly a summary.
Its my responsibility to take a stand against the generational sins that have been passed down to me, and make the decision to not take that path. And I can pray and ask God to help me with that path, because goodness knows I can't do it by myself. I can strive for righteousness because I am righteous because of his forgiveness. I do not strive for righteousness to try to become righteous. I already am righteous in His sight.

I had a friend once say that because of his parent's divorce, he felt that he wouldn't really have a choice not to get divorced himself. He felt trapped in that destiny. Because of my parent's divorce, I am determined to not get divorced, and it brings freedom to me because that is not a choice. I know I am breaking chains and passing that onto my children. I am thankful!

Let's try again..

It's been over a year since I've blogged. I would apologize, but there is no reason to. I've been in a wonderful routine of work, ministry, parenting, school and sports, and blogging just didn't fit in. But its been on my heart to start again, mostly just sharing my journal entries as I have my quiet times. Don't be deceived. I'm not in a great routine with that, and I'm hoping by sharing some here that it will hold me more accountable. Some days it may be a stream of consciousness, so don't judge me by my grammar or sentence structure. And I won't always be able to post here, because not everything is for public consumption. But maybe something will help someone.

Most of the time for my quiet time I do our church's reading plan. You can go to pinelake.org and look at the L3 reading for the day if you want to join me. You're welcome to! And then we can talk together about what we've read.

Psalm 130:3-5 "If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins, O Lord who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared. I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope." NIV
4-5 in the Message "If you, God, kept records on wrongdoings, who would stand a chance? As it turns out, forgiveness is your habit, and that's why you're worshiped. I pray to God- my life a prayer- and wait for what he'll say and do."

NIV notes in my Bible on "feared" - "honored, worshiped, trusted and served as the one true God. If God were not forgiving, people could only flee from him in terror."

Praise you God for being forgiving, no matter what I do. You're love for me is not conditional. It doesn't run out. I can't do something so bad that you check out on me. Forgiveness is your habit. The fact that you have the power to forgive makes me fear you. Forgiveness is hard. But its not hard for you. You don't struggle to forgive me. Its who you are. Thank you Father.

My soul waits, my life a prayer, waiting for what you'll say and do. I want to live in expectation of what you'll do in my life and the world around me. You are good and your love and forgiveness are amazing.

Guatemala! Part 2!

This post is a little harder to write, partly because the artisan organization is more complicated to explain, and partly because of my response to meeting them. When we left the girls home of Casa Hogar I was full of joy and excitement seeing how these girls are flourishing. The other artisan group left me a little confused, but I think I have come to an understanding about it. But let me back up and introduce you to these beautiful people.

Years ago a man named Edgar was working for an NGO, helping people get micro-financing loans to start their own business. But he was frustrated at the fact that either the people didn't know how to take care of the money they were making or didn't have a place to sell their products. So he started his own organization and has employed people all over the country of Guatemala. On Wednesday Edgar brought some of his artisans to us and explained the process. 

This is Edgar and Rosa. Rosa leads a group of artisans who go all over the area and buy these shirts that are called Huipil (pronounced wee-peel). They are works of art and each design represents a different group of people in the country. Her group finds the used Huipils and gives them to Edgar.

This is Marta and she leads the group that buys traditional skirts from all over the area and gives them to Edgar. Marta was telling us that she has 4 children who have gone through university. Even Edgar was amazed at that. Only 2% of Guatemalans graduate from universities. 

Edgar then takes the skirts and shirts to another group up in the mountains and they cut it all up into pieces and gives the pieces back to Edgar. He then takes the pieces to another group outside of Antigua who make our products. We got to go visit them. 

These artisans sew our Turtle Backpack, Mosaic clutch, and Mayan clutch. Each Mosaic clutch you order looks completely different because they are made out of the Huipil shirts, so they are all beautiful pieces of art. They were working in the home of one of the artisans and it was the worst living conditions I had ever seen in person. That was the part I had a hard time with. It made me wonder if we were doing enough? Paying them enough? Setting them up for success? But these people were proud of what they were doing. They dressed up nice for us because we are their business partners. Most of them don't work there actually, but work in their own homes, which is great for the mommas and their babies. One of our founders on the group said this was her third visit there, and even though it looked very sad to us, she could see improvements they had made. They had a stove now in the kitchen instead of an open fire. They had built onto their home, and even though it was tin walls and dirt floors, they were renting out space to another family to make more income. One of our CE's was carrying her personal Mosaic clutch and those ladies were so excited to see that an American lady loved their bag.  

Since I've been back, I've been thinking about them the most, wondering if we are really making a difference or not. I'm reading a book called A Path Appears by Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn. Its a book all about the different things people are doing around the world to help others. The chapter I read last night really helped me understand that we are helping these artisans get out of poverty. Researchers have been looking at groups who are entrenched in poverty, and noticing that many are spending what little money they have on alcohol. They are depressed and stressed because of their situations and see no hope. Their depression leads to a lack of cortisol in their brains which leads to a lack of energy and sharp thinking, which keeps them from wanting to work hard to change their lives. But when researchers offered the gift of hope, whether that took the form of livestock,

a monetary loan or simply encouragement and job training, their lives literally changed. They worked harder, had more energy, saved money instead of spending it on alcohol, sent their kids to school, and began climbing the upward cycle of success. Now their financial situations may still qualify as poverty levels in our eyes, but the hope they had changed their whole demeanor. 

"When lack of hope creates a 'poverty trap' the proper response is to inject hope." (p 124)

"The best three letter weapon against poverty is spelled not AID, but JOB." (p 128)

These artisans are working hard to make our products because it gives them a purpose, they make something beautiful they can be proud of, and there are people depending on them. They set the price they want for their products and when they earn it they can be proud of what they are doing to take care of their families. So while parts of this trip made me sad at first, I can see the difference we are making and I am more passionate about what we do. 

I'll have one more post with the fun stuff we did! Chocolate and coffee!

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Guatemala! Part 1

Last week I was honored to join 12 other women as we traveled to Guatemala to visit our artisan groups who make products for Trades of Hope. These trips are called "Vision Trips", hopefully giving us as Compassionate Entrepreneurs a bigger picture of what we do, and how it truly is life changing for the people we partner with. I'll be honest, the week before I was petrified and really had to ask myself why. I finally decided it was because I didn't know what to expect and wouldn't be in control of the situation. And face it, being with a group of women for a week that you don't know can be a scary situation. But all my fears were for naught, because it was an amazing week, I made great friends, I learned a lot about being flexible and taking what comes, and meeting our beautiful artisans in person was so eye opening and comforting in many ways.

We spent the first two nights in Jalapa, which is not a nice place to visit. It is on the path that the drug cartels take through the country, and we had extra security. But the hotel we stayed in was beautiful, and took very good care of us. Our reason for going to Jalapa was to visit Casa Hogar, a home for girls. It is not an orphanage. Most of these girls have parents who love them very much, they just can't afford to give them the life they desire. Some of the girls are there because of abuse in their families and the government has put them there to keep them safe. It is a very safe place. They are loved there with a passion by Madre Claudia and the other nuns helping her. They run a tight ship, though. Each older girl has a younger girl to take care of and each girl has chores to do. They wash their own clothes. They learn how to make tortillas. They keep their rooms with rows of bunk beds spotless. The older girls braid everyone's hair and that's how Madre Claudia can tell from far away if each girl has been cleaned up for the day. The younger girls go to school there and the older girls take a bus to school each day.

There were some very sad stories. The profile picture on Facebook right now is me holding a baby, and many have asked me why I didn't bring that baby home. Well, since her momma was standing right next to me, that wasn't necessary. Her momma is a teenager who was raped by someone but she and her baby are safe and happy in the home, and are healing emotionally, physically and spiritually. I won't post the picture, but we met another girl who is 12 years old and 8 months pregnant from a rape. The evil in this world just boggles the mind sometimes and breaks my heart. But those baby girls will now grow up in the home where they will be safe, and hopefully not ever have to experience that evil. I prayed for that sweet baby girl that I was holding, that God would protect her from evil, that she would grow up knowing love, and safety, and that she would one day live a full productive life, and be a world changer in her community. God has great plans for her!

So how does Trades of Hope play into this amazing place? Some of the older girls who are doing well in school and are responsible are picked to either work in the jewelry room or the sewing room where they make our products! The money they earn goes back into the girls home or pays the oldest girls who have already finished school and are actually hired to run the sewing and jewelry programs. They make our Identity bracelet and Julia necklace, as well as our Susy bag and headbands. They are working on some new products for us too! They are earning enough to give a very large check to Madre Claudia each month which supports the home, and she so appreciates the consistency of the money coming in. Because of the amount of sales we have been making, they are also about to hire three more girls who are finishing up school to work there more full time while they begin university. They are very excited to be a part of this program. It gives them job security, confidence, pride in their work and skills that will help them in the future.

I can't really put into words the experience of meeting these girls. They met us as we got off our bus, singing, and each girl gave each of us a hug! It was a long line of hugs, and I treasured every one. They were excited to braid some of our hair. We gathered in a big circle and the girls went around to tell us what they hoped for their futures. Many want to be doctors, lawyers, teachers and business women like us! At the end of they day they did a program for us with singing and dancing, and then we had a dance party and even though we didn't speak the same language, the language of music, dancing and laughing is universal. The sweet girls were so excited to show us their work. We got to do some shopping and purchase some products they make other than the TOH ones, and I spent entirely too much money. But to have a young lady get so excited that you are buying the necklace she made, well, it was money well spent. CE's who have been with TOH for awhile have a charm necklace, and they gave each of us a charm they made of the calla lily, the flower of Guatemala, and a charm of a silver fingerprint that they put our initials in. I am so proud of those charms! And then when they left, they all lined up and waved goodbye. I wanted to cry.

That was just one day of my trip. It was a sad day, but when we left the home, we all commented that we weren't sad at all. We were joyful, and excited for the future for those girls, and for what we could do in our businesses to help them. They had joy, and that joy was contagious!

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Summer experiment update... which leads to a tangent

My computer crashed a few weeks ago, like really died, crashed. So it was gone for over a week and it came back with a new empty hard drive. That became my excuse for why I wasn't blogging about meaningful moments with my kids. But to be honest, I just stopped looking. As with most great ideas I have, I am inconsistent in follow through. They have watched entirely too much tv, you tube videos, played too much on my kindle and the xbox, and I have excused it with, well, we've been out for baseball so much they need a break. Whatever. Baseball is over tomorrow so I will not be able to use that excuse anymore, and I will again have to be proactive in finding things for them to do, and making memorable moments happen. They rarely happen by accident. They take effort, sometimes planning ahead. Yes, sometimes the spontaneous events of life bring great memories, but spontaneous things will not happen if I let them sit in front of screens all day.

Can I be gut wrenchingly honest here? I'm having one of those "I'm a failure" days, for lots of reasons. This lack of purposeful parenting mentioned above is only one aspect of that. I know we all have days like that. I know in my heart that it isn't truth. It's lies from the evil one or lies from my fleshly side that think I should be super mom and wife and minister. I need God to speak His loving truth into my spirit. I've heard some amazing sermons the past few days. Check out Passion City Church from May 5 and May 12. I have to learn to love myself because God commands us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves, so if we don't love ourselves, our neighbors will be jilted and not see the love of God the way He wants them to. I need to be reminded that I am loved, that the mistakes I make in being a wife, mother, friend or minister for the most part will not affect eternity. I need to learn from them and move on, because if I walk around down on myself, grumpy and sad, no one will want what I have. And that could affect someone's eternity.

So I will pick myself back up, go to God's word and read His truth about me, listen to and sing some worship so the attention gets off myself, pray for forgiveness and joy to return, and get up tomorrow and try again. His mercies are new every morning!

Moments this week...

Meaningful moments this week...

Hubby was out of town so my "baby" slept with me. I looked over at him with his puppy and blanket that he has slept with for almost 7 years, and yet he was so big. My baby is growing up.

The next night hubby got home in the middle of the night and got baby out of our bed to take him to his bed. In the middle of his sleep, he smiled the biggest smile at his daddy, and waved at him. The next day he didn't remember it. But I loved that moment.

I watched the sunset the other night and thanked God for His mercy and grace and goodness.

My man child had his first at bat with his school team. He got out at first, but knowing it was the first bat of hopefully great success, lots of friends, and hopefully the key to college was very meaningful.

NIV Bible notes "The exercise of one's personal freedom is to be governed by whether it will bring glory to God, whether it will build up the church of God and whether it will encourage the unsaved to receive Christ as Savior and Lord."
1 Cor. 10:31 So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.