Grieving...

After watching my recording of Idol last night, and rejoicing that my 5 votes helped put David Cook over the top (HA), I continued to watch the local fox news that I had recorded after Idol, and saw the horrible story about Steven Curtis Chapman's daughter Maria. I let out a scream and began to cry. Jason thought I was a little too emotional, but I'm pregnant, I can't help it. I cried myself to sleep and what little sleep I had was rough. At 4 I went into the bathroom and cried again. I am just devastated for them. I have been listening to his music for 20 years of my life, and his music has been such a part of my spiritual journey. I just cannot imagine the grief in that family. And for me, who struggles daily with irrational fears of horrible things happening to my family, it freaked me out! I prayed most of the time I was awake last night, both for them, and for myself that this situation would drive me to the Word, and not make my fears worse. I questioned that if God can allow this to happen to a family who is making such a difference in his kingdom... I don't know what else to do but pray for them. Steven is one of those people that I feel like I know personally, but obviously I only know a small part of his life. My friend Jenny's blog today is very good. I will copy it at the bottom. And you can check out his website to get more info. www.stevencurtischapman.com. I just don't have words.

updated 9:30 am 5/22/08 - Jenny Simmons of Addison Road
"I will always remember the night I was driving home from a high school drama competition and the booming voice of radio personality John Rivers somberly came on the air to announce that Rich Mullins, a prolific writer, artist, lover, ragamuffin, humble, dark, deep and penetrating artist and a secret friend to the souls of so many of us, had died in a tragic car wreck.
I never knew him. I never even saw him in concert. But he was a dear part of my family, of my journey, and of my soul as his music, thoughts, and lyrics had deeply penetrated and changed the landscape of the way I viewed Jesus. Rich was my tour guide to Christ. He took me to Him. We walked to Jesus together.
I pulled my car over and listened to the radio reports. I cried for an hour (and missed curfew). My heart broke in a way you would think impossible for someone I had never met. But the truth is, we had met...because he profoundly shaped my soul, we met somewhere in the spiritual world, and he was my friend.

Today I mourn another such tragic loss and I find words very hard to come by.
Several weeks ago I told you about how I got to meet Stephen Curtis Chapman, my lifelong hero, at GMA week. How kind he was and how he understood the importance of his legacy to me, because he followed legacies of his own. He let me know this was OK because God gives us mentors, and uses music and words to profoundly shape our hearts and lives. He said other people had shaped his life. He had shaped my life. And now I would shape other people's lives. It was a special moment to be able to share with him. Besides Rich, there has never been a person or family that has inspired me to do what I do more than Stephen and Mary Beth Chapman...their music, their family, their honesty, their beauty. I barely know them and yet today I mourn for them deeply. My heart is broken tonight.
Stephen's beautiful daughter Maria, age 5, died today in a tragic accident.
One of the older sons did not see her playing in the driveway and she was hit by his car, care flighted to Vanderbilt Medical Center in Nashville, TN and passed away there in the hospital. She was the youngest of Stephen and Mary Beth's six children and was adopted from China.
I have already begun to read comments on people's blogs and myspace accounts and I am baffled at the inappropriate things we say when people are hurting. Not intentionally, we just don't know how to offer our hearts sorrow to them and we don't know what to say. At a time like this...exclamation marks at the end of sentences and telling a stranger within hours of mourning that God has a plan for this tragedy seems to fall short. All I can say is that I do not know what to say. I cannot understand and my heart is broken and all I can do is pray for the peace and comfort of Christ to hold Stephen and his family tightly. And maybe that is no better than exclamation marks.
Then again, maybe I don't say anything. Maybe we just fall to your knees and pray. And then pray more for this precious, grieving family.
I marvel at how quickly the Christian community and the Nashville family of musicians comes together to shower love, prayer, and the strength of family onto those in our family who suffer such immense loses. It is beautiful to watch. It has only been a few hours now and blogs, news articles, and prayer chains have already begun to fill the pages of the Internet (and that is from those of us who do not journey with this family day in and day out. We know that those closest to them are literally holding them together in these moments). The body of Christ in action. Love, mourning, hope, and friendship in the midst of utter, gut wrenching, can't take another breath tragedy....the kind that I cannot even begin to understand...surrounds them right now.
And we too lift these members of our family, shapers of our journey, up and pray that God would be present in the way only He knows how to be present.
For more information on the family and ways you can donate to their BEAUTIFUL organization that is literally changing the lives for thousands of orphans all over the world, visit Shaohannah's Hope.
Also, StevenCurtisChapman.com is keeping everyone updated. Thank you for praying for this family who is life giving to so many of us."

Last week of school...

This is my last week of school, and I am so excited! I remember this time last year I was in mourning that summer was coming, what was I going to do with my children all summer, how was I going to survive without my "alone" time when they were in school. But I am so ready to have everyone home for awhile, not to have to make lunches, to have time to spend with the kids doing fun things, to have some time to get things organized around the house. We will have plenty of things to do at church during the week, and then the extras, like library, playdates, park, etc. I am really looking forward to it. And because they can play so well by themselves now, I am not as concerned about having alone time. I really want to get a routine down where we aren't watching too much tv, rest time, etc. Cooper has three more weeks left, so I will have two weeks to get a schedule set up before he's home. I will also have some projects to work on. I'm teaching a Bible study this summer, VBS is at the end of June, and I'm directing the babies to 3's, so I have some stuff to get ready for that. And I have committed to teaching at the weekday preschool teacher training starting Aug. 25th, yes, that's a week after my due date. So, yes, please pray that Campbell comes three weeks early like Cade did. That would be so perfect! So I have a lot of prep work for that. So, hopefully there will be enough to do this summer to stay busy, yet have plenty of time for rest and fun too. I'm really getting that nesting instinct. I am ready to clean out some closets! Come help if you want!

Updates

House- We have gotten alot done the past week, thanks to my parents. My mom came and started painting my cabinets, they look so great. Then my wonderful step-dad Kenneth came and I gave him a short list of to-do's, and he did ten times that much. He even took down this section of cabinets that makes my kitchen look so much bigger. He took the rest of the cabinet doors back to paint them so my mom won't have as much to do next time she comes. When I can get to church and high speed I will post some pictures. I didn't take as many before and afters as I had meant to. My house is completely turned upside down. Its a wreck!
Baseball- The Cardinals are 2nd in our standings, but we beat the 1st place team last night. We play them again on Saturday. I think that will determine how we are ranked when we start the tournament next week. So much pressure for 6 year olds! Maybe they don't feel it as much as the adults do. Last night Cooper got out twice, and cried. I was proud of myself as a mom because I got him to stop and feel better about himself. I said, "you watch the Astros. They get out all the time! You have many years of baseball ahead and many outs. Shake if off." Which now that I write it, doesn't sound that encouraging, but it worked. He was fine after that. Of course, that's why I didn't play sports. I would have been crying all the time.
Baby- Its been a rough month. I have had pregnancy issues that I know are normal, I've just never experienced them before. But one issue I hadn't heard of I think I have. I have had increasingly more pain in my pelvic muscles over the last three weeks, which makes it impossible to pick up my babies (I only have 5 days of school left), hard to get out of bed, get up from sitting, get dressed. I did some research online and decided I have Symphysis pubic dysfunction. (see http://whattoexpect.com/pregnancy/symptoms-and-solutions/symphysis-pubic-dysfunction.aspx). I tried to tell my doctor this week, but she kind of blew it off. She said if I had that, I wouldn't be able to walk. But I think she was thinking of the more serious version. Anyway, I also got another antibiotic for a sinus infection, and baby sounded great. So on we go! Still no name, today its Campbell Graham. We'll see how long that lasts.