Sunday, December 27, 2009

Annual update

This is the annual update for those of you who received our Christmas card which did not include the ever so popular update letter that many of you are so good at writing. I can handle the writing part, its the copying and folding and including in the card which I am lucky to get out before the new year part that is hard for me. So here is our annual update in blog form.

Let's start with the youngest and go up from there. My sweet, precious baby Campbell who is, by the day, outgrowing the baby stage of life, is 16 months old, and the joy of my life. He likes to crawl up in my lap and read books for a few minutes at a time which I treasure, is a fabulous sleeper, says "pease" and "tank you", and loves to get the middle of his brothers with a light sabor or noodle to join the fight. He loves to wear hats and shoes. He is beginning to show his independence. You have no doubt when he does not want something, which these days is any food except cookies, crackers and bread. Even the foods he used to love won't enter his lips. My other two never went through that, so I had to pull out a book which I thought I surely wouldn't need to read again, and read that it is normal, and one day he will eat again. He goes to MDO two days a week and loves his teachers. Over all, he is just as happy as can be and we are so thankful for him.

My "passionate" Cade is 5 years old, and an artistic, dramatic child. His emotional flares have subsided in the last few months, which we are thankful for. He is loving kindergarten and is reading up a storm. His teacher, who also had Cooper, is amazed at how different they are personality wise. I worry sometimes that he isn't cultivating his own "things", he is almost always following in Cooper's footsteps as far as likes and dislikes. They basically got the exact same things for Christmas. If Cooper isn't home, Cade will watch Blues Clues, but other wise they watch Star Wars or Bakugan. I guess I should be thankful that Cade won't argue too much. He is amazing to watch playing any sport. When he had Upward basketball try-outs, the coaches kept looking at me in amazement at how good he was. I just shrugged my shoulders. Just naturally athletic and watching his big brother I guess. Coach pitch baseball should be amazing too. Almost daily he melts my heart by making me a card. And I am so thankful when people at school or church tell me what a kind leader he is. I know he will go far in life.

My brilliant Cooper just turned 8, and has already spent his Christmas and birthday money on bakugan and star wars things. Cade will save his money for months, but Cooper can't stand it! He is doing wonderfully in 2nd grade. He is really excited that after the break they will begin learning cursive. He loves playing football with his daddy, and we are all counting down the days until baseball season starts. He made the all-star team last spring, and we are trying not to assume he will make it again, but he is just so good when he's focused. He has begun to watch ESPN even when his daddy isn't home (great) and stopped listening to music when he goes to sleep, and instead finds some sporting event on his clock radio. He gets up in the morning and gets dressed, and usually fixes his own breakfast even before I am out of bed. He is just so even tempered all the time. I am so thankful for that.

I am working one day a week at our weekday preschool as a sub and the spiritual curriculum coordinator. I plan mission projects for the kids to do with their parents. I also work childcare sometimes. I get 5 hours a week without my kids. Sometimes I sit the whole five hours in front of the tv, but usually I am running errands or volunteering at the boys' school in the literacy library the whole time. I am teaching toddlers on Sunday mornings. Campbell is supposed to be in my class, but most Sundays, it doesn't work too well, so he goes back across the hall, which is fine with him. The rest of my life is washing dishes, clothes, and watching the dust pile up on the furniture, wondering how I got so far behind. But I am thankful for my life.

Jason is in his 4th year as Associate Pastor of Family Ministries at University Baptist Church. Today is our pastor's last Sunday, so I'm sure changes are coming. Dr. Robert Sloan will be our interim and J is excited to get to know him. We are praying the transition will be smooth for all of us and praying for our church to grow until we are able to find God's new man for us. It is a good church. He is trying to decide where to go on a mission trip this summer. This past year he went to Honduras and London again. Next fall we should get to go to the last launch of the space shuttle. Really excited about that. We are praying about what our "story" might look like in the future. (see Nov. 23 blog). Donald Miller's new book really changed our view of things. We are going to really try in the new year to help make our story more exciting, and make memories for our boys, both spiritually and just fun. The two of us went on vacation last week to Disney, which was a blast, but it was great to talk about things like that, just to take a minute to take stock of where we are in life.

Other family news: my mom is almost finished with her doctorate in natural medicine, has opened her own clinic treating patients. My brother is moving to Athens, TX to be an assistant manager of a Verizon store. Jason's sister and brother-in-law in Virgina are expecting their first son any day now. He's actually a week late already, so really any minute now.

I think that's about it. We are thankful for our journey God has brought us on. We are trying to look for where he is working to join Him there, but it is hard sometimes in our stage of life with little kids. It's a constant struggle for me, wondering where the balance is between being a mother and working for the Lord, and remembering that being a mother is working for the Lord. But God is good all of the times. Thank you friends for being supportive and encouraging. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Thankfulness

Our pastor just finished a month long series of sermons on gratitude. The first week was the most helpful to me, reminding me to be thankful throughout the week, paying attention to things throughout the day that we should be thankful for but take for granted. A couple of weeks later I did a devotional for our weekday teachers and took that sermon and thought over it a little bit. I decided there are three levels of thankfulness. This is not Biblically based yet. Maybe I'll find some verses to back me up someday, but for now its just the gospel according to Christy.
I think the first level is the basic level of being thankful. Its what we preschool teachers are famous for. Thank you God for the sun, moon and stars, the grass and bees and birds and trees. And its what most of us do at Thanksgiving before the big meal. Thank you God for our health, our family and and food. That's a perfectly fine level of gratitude. We do need to thank God for all of those things. All of those things are from Him.
The next level is really paying attention during the day to things we can thank God for that we might not usually attribute to Him. Thank you God that I have a car that works and has air conditioning. Thank you God that my closet is full of clothes, even when I complain about washing and ironing them. Thank you God for this hot water that is coming out of the shower. Thank you God that the woman at the grocery store had a smile on her face today. I could go on and on. Every person that you come in contact with is an opportunity to be thankful. Every quality in your spouse or child you like or even dislike is something to be thankful for.
The third level is usually the most difficult. That's when we are truly thankful for who God is. Most weeks I don't even think about the greatness of God except maybe on Sunday morning in church. But Oh God, please forgive me for not being thankful for your holiness, your greatness, your power and might, your faithfulnes even when I am not faithful to you. I was singing "Mighty to Save" the other day, and it hit me that moving mountains seems like a big deal to us, but the big deal is that He's the author of salvation. Yes, He has the power to move mountains and open the seas and break down walls. But the thing to be thankful for is that He has the power to save us, to save me. He rose and conquered the grave! That is way more important than moving mountains. Let us be thankful for HIM not just for what He gives us. Thank you Father for all that you are. Help me not to just thank you on this one day a year.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I urge you to go deeper in your gratitude today!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Fear

Some of you may know that I have struggled for years with really strong fears, especially when Jason is out of town. When Cooper was a baby I would move his pack-n-play in my bedroom when J was gone so I could lock my bedroom door and put a chair under the door. I realized I was raised that way, so I knew it was a generational sin that I needed to overcome. So I refused to make my kids sleep in different beds because of my fears. But then I would stay awake all night, or have to take sleeping pills to sleep. Its gotten much better since we moved, one because our neighborhood is safer, but two because I started sleeping with my Bible open to Prov. 3:24 "when you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet", and God has brought me so far with that issue that its not an issue anymore.
So then I just struggled with the day to day fears, my kids dying in a car crash, or Jason getting sick or our house burning down, etc. I remember telling someone before I even had kids that I suspected that one day one of my kids would get sick, because I thought God would want to use us to give him glory through a struggle. Back then, I thought it was almost a privilege to struggle in that way, but now that I have kids, that thought terrifies me. Please God protect my kids!!! I would envision almost daily a horrible story in my head of something tragic happening. I hated following Jason home from church because I just knew I would see him getting killed in a car accident. I realized once that I could tell where I was spiritually by how many or how tragic the stories were I was having. The closer to God I was, the less fear I struggled with. Makes sense.
Recently (the last year or so) I would struggle with knowing that I wasn't close to the Lord, completely surrendered to Him, but I was afraid that if I did surrender, something horrible would happen to use us. Or, I was afraid if I told God that I wanted to get closer to Him, something horrible would happen to bring me back to Him, to bring me to my knees. Its not fun living that way!
So, two things in the past months have changed me! I just finished the Beth Moore study on Esther, overall not my favorite of hers but still good, of course. But one session she did on video was life changing for me. She was talking about how Esther had to face her fear to go before the King. I don't have my notes in front of me, but the main point she made that helped me was to imagine the worst possible things that could happen to you, easy for me. Then walk through them with God in the picture. If ____________ happens, then God. If my husband dies in an accident, then I will grieve and sell my house and God will give me strength. Yes, it would be bad, but I would survive. If my kids got sick and died, I would fall apart, but then I would get back up and God would give me strength. If the absolute worst thing happened, I died in a car accident, I would go to heaven, the ultimate victory. If _____________ happens, then God! She said courage wasn't facing your fear and pretending it wasn't there, but to face your fear knowing that God was in control. I think that was it. I will get my notes later and add more, but that was what I remember that freed me!
Then again, at the Right Now conference, I heard Kay Warren speak. I don't really remember her topic, but the one thing she said that stuck out to me was "God's not safe, but He's good." She said what I have thought, that some people are scared to surrender because He might send them to Africa or give them cancer. And its true that God is not safe. His journey will not be easy, but He is good! He wants what is best for us. He loves us more than we can ever imagine. That is so encouraging to me. And I promise since that Beth Moore lesson, I have not had one of those horrible stories play out in my head. Once or twice a story has started , but it doesn't finish because it doesn't have to. I know how it will end, with good!
In case you are interested, and have any fears at all, I really encourage you to listen to Beth's lesson 4 of Esther. You can download it off lifeway's website. So that's deep blog post #2. More tomorrow?

Monday, November 23, 2009

Adventure

I haven't blogged in so long. No good reasons, just excuses. We went to the Right Now conference a few weeks ago (that could be an entire blog on its own) and one of the side sessions I went to was about writing your life story, and she made one point that has inspired me to write a blog entry again. She said that people need to hear your story. Either your story is universal enough that people can relate, or its unique enough they can learn something new from it. But write something. I have a few blogs spinning around in my head, so here is the first one.
Back in July we were in Glorieta and I went to the prayer garden to pray for a few minutes. I begin to pray about the fact that our lives right now are kind of boring. So I prayed for God to do something to add some excitement to our lives. Even though Jason and I work at a church, we don't live a life of surrendering to the Lord on a day to day basis. We are just at church like average families, when we are suppposed to be because that is what you are supposed to do, and we happen to get a paycheck for it. There's nothing wrong with being average I guess for most people, but I don't want to be average.
A few weeks after that we had our sweet friends Trey and Randi over and their kids, and they were telling us of their adventure of surrendering to missions. They were just commissioned last week to go on the foreign mission field in the spring. I was jealous. I don't necessarily want to go where they are going, but I was jealous of their adventure. Going into the unknown because God told you to and hanging on for the ride, waiting for him to provide at the last minute when you don't know what the next day will bring. That's exciting.
Then I read Donald Miller's new book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. Amazing! And just what I have been praying for. Its all about that our lives are a story, and if your story is boring, change it. God intended for our lives to have conflict, adventure, a climax, times when we grow and change because we are living an adventure. He realized his life was boring, so he biked across the country, hiked the mountains in Peru, started a new mentoring ministry. I read the book in two days, and when Jason is finished with it, I want to read it again with a highlighter. So inspiring.
So that's what God has been doing in my heart. Has anything changed per se? No, but I'm on the lookout. Donald autographed our book (Jason went to high school with him) "thanks for living such a great story." And I'm sure to some people we do. Being at our 4th church, "working for the Lord" on a daily basis. We don't feel that though. I have moments of adventure, when I planned a successful mission project for our preschool, or took our boys to buy stuff for the Operation Christmas Child shoeboxes. But most days are doing dishes and laundry and soccer games and changing diapers. I have had older moms tell me that its ok, this is just the time of my life when its kind of boring, that God understands. But I don't want it to be like that. I don't want to wait another 18 years for my kids to grow up before my life gets exciting. So what do I do? Right now I am just praying and looking out for moments of adventure. Maybe if I keep my eyes and heart open for them, I won't miss them as easily. And maybe God is preparing us for a big adventure coming up, getting me excited so when it comes I'm not overwhelmed. We'll see.
My favorite song right now is Motions by Matthew West. Some of the lines are "I don't want to go through the motions. I don't want to go one more day, without your all consuming passion inside of me. I don't want to spend my whole life asking what if I had given everything instead of going through the motions." I think that's right, that's from memory. That is my prayer right now. God is not safe, but he's good. That another blog, maybe for tomorrow.

Friday, August 28, 2009

What a week!

Cooper started 2nd grade this week, and I'm sorry, but I am not old enough to have a 2nd grader! Its just not possible! He seems to like his teacher and luckily makes friends easily. But he is a boy, so I'm having a hard time getting him to talk about it. He's really enjoying being the big brother of a kindergartner. Very proud. I asked him what his favorite part of his first day was and he said dividing up his school supplies. Weird.
Cade has had a wonderful week. His favorite part of his first day was riding the bus home. I think that made him feel big. I actually didn't take him day one. I used the excuse that I needed to be at church too early, but really, I chickened out. I was afraid I would be emotional, which is not me. So Jason took them both. Cooper didn't even want him to walk him to class. And Cade walked in, found a Thomas book, and sat down to read. I think if I had taken him, he might have been more emotional too. He tends to be that way with me.
I took them to school on Thursday, day 3, and watched them in my rear view mirror walking in together and I came close to crying then. They looked so big and so little at the same time! Then later I was sitting in teacher inservice, and almost had a panic attack realizing Cade was not downstairs in childcare, but across town in a public school where I had no idea what was going on! It is the first time he's not been with me or at our church! But he is doing great. Its all going to be ok. And it doesn't hurt that his teacher is a church member. I have decided that isn't always best, but she is a great teacher, so I will live with the few uncomfortable moments it brings. And I will thank our heavenly Father for blessing me with boys who are comfortable being away from me and helping me be comfortable being away from them. Its been the first of many weeks, months and years ahead.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Summer has flown by...

For those of you who were concerned about my security comment about Jason two blogs ago, I will now explain and update you on our crazy summer. I only said that because I get paranoid about who reads this and imagine the worst of people is stalking blogs, waiting for someone to say they are out of town, so someone in Illinois can put all the pieces of my blog together, figure out our names and address, and come down to TX and rob my house. I know, crazy right. But just when I get over that, my mom will email me and remind me of that possibility. So, I can now tell you where we were the entire month of July since we are now home. So don't come rob my house.

Jason left July 3 for two weeks to go to London to do a mission trip with young adults from our church. They went into a public school and taught the kids how to play baseball and American football, and basically hung out, building relationships and sharing about what American Christianity looks like. This was their second summer, so they were continuing to build relationships from last year, which is very important to us. So, because I can't stand my kids for more than 3 days by myself (kind of dramatic, I know, but 3 boys, you try it!), we left on the 6th, and drove to Alexandria, LA and stayed in a 3 bedroom house with 19 people. Jason's aunt, uncle, parents, brother, sister, grandmother, and 3 cousins, with one spouse and 5 kids, so, yes, it was crowded. We had a lot of fun, enjoyed the family time. We stayed there 4 days and then went to my moms in Shreveport for a week. Then I drove the boys to Paris,TX to Jason's parents and dropped them off! Whoee! I went to the TX Baptist Weekday Education Assoc. conference, at strangely enough, FBC Richardson, our former church. Had moments of awkwardness, but even more of seeing some really great people I miss terribly. It was the first time I had been away from Campbell, so every time I showed his picture to someone, which was a lot, I got sad. But it was good for me to not have to share my food, cut up any one's food, change any diapers, or break up fights over channels on the tv.

Then I met Jason's parents in McKinney and got Campbell back from them, and he and I went home to Houston. Jason got home the day before, so it was great to see him. Cooper and Cade stayed in Paris for the week for VBS. I had the best time just being able to play with my baby without distractions. Then Jason's family drove with our boys to New Mexico to Glorieta, and Jason and Campbell and I flew (much better way to travel) and met them there. We had a great week of beautiful weather, good food, and moments of spiritual renewal. There were 8 of us in a two room apartment, so there were moments of mental instability for me, but we made it. Would you believe I did not take one picture! Craziness. Then we flew home, and the boys drove back to Paris, and my mom met them, and drove them back to Houston. So they got home on Aug 1, and had been gone 4 weeks! They were so excited to be back in their own beds!

If you didn't follow that, I am sorry. I so badly want a map I can put on my blog where I can draw lines where we went, and I'm sure there is some way to do it, but I am so not computer smart, so I'm not going to try. The month flew by! School starts in two weeks, and I'm sure that will fly by too.

Campbell turned 1 yesterday. Fastest year of my life. He loved his cake, licked the plate clean. Had a great check up today. Just like Cade at 1, 90% head, 75% height, and 10% weight. Tall, skinny and big head like his momma. Jason and Cooper had a stomach bug this weekend, and so far the rest of us haven't gotten it. Our sweet friends Trey and Randi and their kids braved the illness to come see us this weekend, and that was a sweet time.

So that was our month. At another time I will have to share some of the things I have learned through the month, but that's for another time. Just glad to be home for now!

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Quick one... but its serious.

I just added a new blog on my follow list, and I realized that 3 of my blogs are from families who have a child with a very serious health issue, and I turned around to see my two big boys trying to make a snow cone and found my little one playing ball, and just thanked the Lord for how healthy they are. But I also live in fear most days that the odds aren't that good that they will all stay that way, and when will the shoe drop. I know I shouldn't live that way, I should just trust God and remember that He loves them even more than I do. But those 3 little sweet children on the blogs are loved just as much as my kids, and they are still struggling. It doesn't seem fair. How and why are they chosen to suffer and not mine?
Sorry for the downer of a blog. When I get a minute, I will update you on our month of traveling. Again, so thankful that we returned home safely. God is good. No matter what.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Summer Pics



Enjoy some summer fun pics. Notice the melting pictures since it is SOOOO hot down here.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Mom of three boys!

I can't believe its been so long since I've posted. I get so disappointed when I go to read other people's blogs and they haven't updated, but I haven't updated mine either, so can't get too mad. So here we go, a bunch of random updates and opinions. If you don't make it to the end, I wouldn't blame you.

Cooper- finished his all-star season 4-2, the winners of the consolation bracket. It was so much fun. I really enjoyed the all-star season more than the regular season, even though it was a lot of baseball squeezed into a month. I hope he makes it again. I'm sure between my 3 boys, at least one of them will at some point. Jason and I calculated to make sure they wouldn't all make it in the same year. Scary thoughts like that keep me up at night! :) The life of a mom of three boys. He finished 1st grade with great marks, reading really well. I can't believe I'm old enough to have a 2nd grader. Crazy! He loves watching Sportscenter now, even without his daddy. Great. I can't get away from it. His new thing now is Bakugan, a Japanese (I'm guessing) cartoon that, of course, has toys you can buy. He convinced Cade to spend his birthday money on some, and asked me to read the instructions on how to have Bakugan battles. They are meant for ages 5 and up, and it took me more than a few days to figure it out, and I still think we aren't playing it right. And of course, they are small enough that Campbell would choke on them if he found them. Fun times.

Cade-Finished t-ball an all-star in every one's eyes. His coach convinced the team they had won the championship, even though there wasn't one, and convinced Cade that since he was the best player, he was the best player in the t-ball league. Great. Blow up his head. But he actually probably was the best t-ball player. He didn't want to throw the ball to people because they wouldn't catch it, so he would come from 3rd base across the field, pick up the ball, and chase the runner down to get them out, even though we weren't counting outs. The parents of the other teams would laugh (a jealous laugh if I do say so myself) and say the kids shouldn't hit it to him because he would tackle them. He was stung by a wasp the other day, a whole other blog entry, so add any kind of buzzing insect to the long list of things he's afraid of. The dark, birds, snakes, old people, water... oh dear. He graduated from preschool and will start kindergarten next month. When Cooper started, I was ready to kick him out of the house, but I think because Cade was my baby for so long, I am not quite as ready this time. I will miss him. Campbell will really miss him!

Campbell-My sweet baby will turn one next month. Its just not right! Its too fast! He eats like a horse, actually picked up his plate the other day to lick it clean! Gets mad when he's out of food. Has 6 teeth already, early compared to my other two. The funny part is, he got his two bottom center ones first, but then he got his upper canine teeth next, very unusual according to our dentist, so he looked like a vampire for awhile. His top two are coming in now, so he doesn't look as funny. He still has reddish hair, people say he looks like me, finally I got one. He's not walking yet, which is later than the others, but he is cruising, and I am not in a hurry. He's so busy, opens all the kitchen cabinets and drawers, trying to climb the stairs. He's very happy. I am very thankful!

Me-I got a really short hair cut last week, still don't like it. I also stopped nursing last week. The last time I wasn't so sad, but the next day, when it was time and I didn't, it was sad. I'll never nurse again. Its sad. VBS wore me out. Every year I say I'm not going to do it again, but I just can't not work VBS. And I would rather direct than be in a classroom. I am helping direct Preschool Playdays, and will teach something in our weekday teacher training. That is my favorite thing I do all year. I wish I could do that more. I am having a family issue right now, so say a prayer for me to have wisdom. Reading a lot of Karen Kingsbury, I don't know why, they are all sad so far. Sad about Jon and Kate, blame him for making bad choices, blame her for being so critical and for not quitting the show when he said he wanted to. But I can't pretend to know the whole story. Its just very sad. (I'm using that word alot this post. Sorry) Loving Next Food Network Star, and I am now addicted to NCIS. I finally got burned out on Law & Order after watching every episode 20 times, but NCIS is so great. I can almost watch it everyday on USA. I also like the new show on USA Royal Pains. And still addicted to facebook, which is probably why I haven't blogged in so long. And I'm not forgetting my sweet husband, but for security reasons, I will have to update you on him another time. I will try to post some pictures tomorrow. If you made it to the end of this, you are really bored! But thanks for caring about us.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

My big boy!


Start 'em early in the Gadman household! He's pretty good for a 9 month old if I do say so myself!

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Memorial Day weekend update

Cooper's baseball team lost in the division championship game. I felt a new emotion that night that I have never felt before as a mom. I don't know how to describe it, except to say I hurt for him because I knew how disappointed he was. The whole game was so stressful because I wanted him (and Jason) to be pleased and they weren't. Older parents told me to get used to it. It only gets worse as they get older. Great.

He did make All-stars, and I am so proud of him! I had no idea what a big deal it is. The practices have a completely different aura about them. We are in the big leagues now. This is some serious baseball! He is so excited. Very passionate about the game, which after playing already for three months is pretty amazing. They practice pretty heavily for three weeks and then start a double elimination tournament. Some of the moms are buying mom shirts and I feel torn. I want to show him I am proud of him and cheering him on, but if they lose two games right off the bat, then I have spent that money for nothing. And I don't think me wearing a shirt will help him play any better.

Jason is on a mission trip this week in Honduras building a playground at an orphanage. What a guy! I miss him. I don't know about you, but if my husband's gone a day or two once a month or so, that would be perfect. But this ten day thing is really hard. And then I think about military wives. I don't know how they do it.

American Idol. Once again, I am going through withdrawals. There is nothing to look forward to on tv! I was a complete Danny Gokey fan until he left. Then I actually voted 5 times for Kris simply to be voting against Adam because he freaks me out. I'm sure my 5 votes made the difference in the nearly 100 million votes. But I tell you, the night of the finale, when Kris sang with Keith Urban, I fell in love with him! Such a cutie! And I actually downloaded "Boundaries" off itunes. It just makes me smile, even if it is cheesy. I can't wait for his CD to come out.

Sunday, May 03, 2009

Quick Update and observations

Cooper's team finished the regular season at 11-6, I think. I lost track, but they are in 1st place, playoff tournament is next week. And we are waiting with baited breath to see if he made all-stars, which around here is a big deal. If he did, practice everyday and then traveling games. Whew. I am torn about whether I want him to make it or not! :)
I think posting my last blog into the blogosphere made me straighten up. So I have actually been in the Word almost every day since. I found this mother's Bible study that my friend Kay, a missionary in Singapore, gave me before she went back overseas when she was cleaning out her books. I've had it on my shelf for 3 or 4 years, but God just now led me to get it out. And its really helped me! I can tell small differences in myself, a little more patient (except this morning getting ready for church), going to the Lord more in prayer, a little less sensitive, and I worshipped a little more this morning. Progress!
My observation: A choir from Baylor sang in church this morning, and for the first time that I can remember, I looked at them and thought how young they looked, which then made me feel old! For the longest time, I would see college kids and think they looked as old as I was, or even older and cooler. But today, they looked young and innocent and like kids, and I felt old and like a mother. Does anyone else get that?

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

One month later...

Let's see, Cooper's baseball team is 8-4, Cade is still bored, but turned 5 yesterday. Campbell is army crawling and putting everything in his mouth. Most nights I am conked out before Jason comes to bed. Our pastor resigned. Gearing up for summer, VBS, trying to figure out what to do with the long summer. Went and saw Thomas the Train in Dallas, on the coldest weekend of the year it seemed. Had a garage sale, made $300, not sure if it was worth the effort. But Dave Ramsey would be proud. Two months on a budget using envelope system. Yeah, I think those are the highlights.

Ok ladies, (and men, but I don't think men will understand this part) most of the time, I do not put myself down for stuff I don't get done as a mom. I see articles in magazines or Oprah where moms say they feel like failures, and think they are the only one, only to realize that most moms feel that way, and I usually don't understand that mentality. I usually let stuff go and tell myself that I am doing the best I can. But the past few weeks I have felt like I am hanging on by my fingernails, making mistakes, looking at piles of laundry and dishes and papers, and crashing in bed at night wondering what I did all day. We realized last night that I paid $55 to renew the registration on our car that we got rid of last summer. And I broke down and started crying, it was just the straw that broke me, feeling like I am an idiot. I also recognize that the last few months I have not been feeding myself spiritually or getting much from church because I'm not in a small group right now, so I know there is a connection. I know that when I am not feeding myself with the truth of how God sees me, then I see myself the way I think the world sees me, which isn't pretty. I need to do something, and I admit that. So say a little prayer for me if you think about it. Thanks.

Yes, our pastor resigned last week. He's been at our church for 22 years. We've only been there 2 1/2, so we aren't as attached as many of our church members are. We've known since Feb. so it wasn't a shock to us as it was to many. As usual, he is handling it with such responsibility and grace and respect for people. He is a good man. But it will cause stress, change always does. For our family personally its stressful because when Jason was younger, his pastor left, and when the new one came, he told the whole staff to leave so he could bring in his own people. Jason's dad didn't want to and eventually was fired. I don't think UBC would hire someone who would do that. But there is always the chance that Jason just wouldn't jive with the new pastor. We just have to take one day at a time. It could be a long time before we get a new one anyway. No reason to stress now.

Our pastor gave a great sermon the week before Easter that has stuck with me, which doesn't usually happen. He said we are all time travelers. We like to travel to the past, but instead of taking our friends thankfulness and joy, we take regret, anger, and unforgiveness. We like to travel to the future, but instead of taking hope and peace, we take anxiety and worry. Its ok to time travel if you take the right companions. But we should also really enjoy today. What time is it? Its now. Where are you? I am here. I guess that sums up my blog today. I need to stop thinking about the past few weeks as a failure, but look at it with thankfulness and look ahead with hope. And I need to not worry about the future for Jason or the church, but look ahead with peace and joy. Thank you Father for reminding me again of your faithfulness!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Updates

Its been so long. Not a whole lot to talk about actually.
Baseball:
Cooper's team is 4-0, top of their rankings. Jason is the coach, so needless to say, we are a proud bunch.
Cade's t-ball team, well, its just humerous. He really needs to be playing coach pitch. Most of the kids don't know which way to run, or what is going on. Cade gets people out, but doesn't understand that they aren't counting outs or keeping score, so he gets frustrated. He is the all-star of the team if I do say so myself.
But between the two of them, we have a game or practice just about every day of the week except Sunday. Jason does most of it, so I can't complain too much, but I do see my future as a sports mom long and stretched out before me.
Campbell:
Just the sweetest baby ever! Already 7 months old, eats everything you put in front of him, loves to laugh. The joy of my life!
Blessing:
I have been wanting a new camera for awhile. I have a pocket size digital, but if any of you know me very well, I used to be quite a photographer with a really fancy camera, which I still have, but its not digital. So I've been researching for awhile, but with us going through Dave Ramsey, I just couldn't justify the cost. I was at home this week, and my step-dad blessed me with a new camera out of the blue! He just bought this camera, a really fancy nice one, a few months back. But my brother, who worked at Circuit City and is now jobless, called him to tell him he had the same camera, only one model up, for $10, because it was broken. So my step-dad bought it, fixed it, and then sold me his camera for $10! God totally blessed me for being patient! He's so good!
TV Randomness:
I'm watching ER. Who are all these people? I haven't watched in a few years. There is no one left!
I love the Bonnie Hunt show. So funny.
DWTS, I don't really care about the majority of the dancers. No one I'm really rooting for.
AI, I like lots of them. Really rooting for Danny, is that is name?
What I did today:
Cleaned the big boys rooms, went to the zoo, which I knew was a mistake on Spring Break, but we did it anyway. Once we got in, it was ok, but we drove around the zoo, or crawled actually, for almost an hour finding a parking spot. I started to go home, but once you've invested that much time, you don't want it to go to waste. Cooper got allergy shots and we had pancakes for dinner. And most importantly, I didn't kill anyone. There were a few spankings, which doesn't normally happen, but no tears, so I must not have spanked too hard. Come home J, come home!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I'm getting tired of Blues Clues

Both my big boys have enjoyed Blues Clues. Cade outgrew it a while back, I thought. But about 2 months ago he watched an episode and became addicted again. I DVR 3 episodes a day and he will watch them over and over and over. Yes, I am a terrible mother. But most of the time he's not really watching it, its just on. He loves to draw. He would use up my whole stack of computer paper if I let him. Well that makes a lot of sense. I limit his use of paper but not the tv. Oh dear. But at least its a pretty good show for a preschool show, educational, interactive. The other day he wanted me to go online and find some BC games to play. Because of my lovely dial up, I couldn't get the american version to upload, but I found the British version, with Kevin. Very funny! Instead of shovel and pail, there is spade and bucket. And Periwinkle has a girls voice instead of a boys voice. But just to have Kevin's British accent is really entertaining. All the characters have British accents. I would love to watch some of those episodes.
Campbell is still enjoying cereal, tolerating applesauce, enjoying squash, and LOVING sweet potatoes. I couldn't get them in his mouth fast enough.
I have a job interview next Monday night at another church for a weekday director's position. I am very excited and very terrified at the same time. If I get farther than that, I will post more details. I don't want to jinx it. I am just praying that God will open doors He wants me to go through and close doors He doesn't want me to go through. I need a good slamming of the doors sometimes to get my attention. Hopefully they don't hit my nose as they slam!

Friday, February 13, 2009

6 months old!

My last baby is 6 months old. When did that happen? Doctor said he looks great. His weight is down, so time for cereal. She said when we gave it to him, if I tried half the bowl and he was still pushing it out instead of in, then he wasn't ready yet. So last night the whole family gathered round, including Memoo, to watch the event. When I gave him the first bite, he started shaking, which kind of freaked us all out. But then we decided it was out of excitement of something new. He scarfed down the bowl! There was no doubt he was ready. Hardly any came out, and when the bowl was empty, he was looking for more. He was even opening his mouth waiting for the wonderful bite of boring, tasteless rice cereal. This morning I made it thicker, and didn't think that would work, but again, he waited not very patiently for each bite, and inhaled the bowl. I am so proud and excited for him, yet sad. When my oldest was growing, I was so excited for each new thing, the joyfulness of something new entering our daily routine and home. But this sweet baby, I just want him to stop, and stay the same and lay there and just smile at me. But I can't stop him. He is growing, with or without my blessing. And I look at my now 7 year old and think that I can't be old enough to have a 1st grader, and where did the time go. And my 4 year old who is going to kindergarten next year. When my oldest graduated from preschool, I didn't shed a tear, and was so ready to kick him out of the house to big school. But the 4 year old is going to bring a few tears, and I hate to see myself in another 4 years. I will be a wreck! And college! Oh my gosh. Don't even go there! My mom asked me last night if I would turn the crib into the big bed for this one. I stopped that conversation real quick. He will sleep in a crib forever. Oh the joys and sadnesses of motherhood. I wouldn't miss it for the world!

Saturday, February 07, 2009

$2.00

I am eating some chocolate covered almonds. $2.00. See below.

Friday, February 06, 2009

Sickness all around...

I haven't blogged in so long. Its not for a lack of time. I get online everyday, but I think I check facebook first, which doesn't take brain cells, and by the time I'm done there, I don't want to use brain cells to write something on my blog. That's my theory anyway.
There hasn't been much going on anyway. We've all been sick. Campbell and Cooper had one form of the virus which included fever. And the other three of us have another form that doesn't have fever, so we don't feel as bad, but still have runny noses, sore throats, etc. Its been Campbells first illness where he had fever. We spent some lovely quality time in the guest room the last few nights. Actually, last night I was in tears at 1 am. I was so tired. But then I thought back to the first few weeks of his life when I was up every 2 to 3 hours and I wasn't in tears then. I think God gives new moms some kind of super human strength to get thru those first few months and then it wears off. Campbell will be 6 months old on Monday. I am so sad.
The two older boys have been playing basketball but baseball started this week, so we officially have a sport every day of the week but Sunday for the rest of this month. Oh my life as a mom of boys is just beginning! At least Jason does the majority of it. I think he knows if he didn't, they wouldn't be playing. BTW, does anyone want to buy a chocolate bar? We have to sell $110 worth of chocolate for baseball. And do you know how tempting it is for me to eat it all? Its just sitting in our den, staring at me, but costing $2 a bar. Self-control. Dave Ramsey!
We are about to go to the park. I realized that I only have a few more months of having Cade with me, so I am trying to do more things with him. He loves to play basketball with me. I try to last 10 minutes before I get bored out of my mind.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Picks of the Week & Quick Update

My swiffer vacuum - great for our laminate wood floors

Pizza Hut Pasta - we tried all three flavors, they are all great

My new dry erase board above my desk- It has a pretty black frame around it, I taped our Jan. calendar up on it, wrote a scathing Bible verse about watching our tongues, and put which zone of my house I'm supposed to be cleaning this week, which I won't clean I'm sure

We had to take Coops to the dentist today to have a tooth pulled. One of his lower front teeth had been loose for months, and we realized a few weeks ago that the new tooth was already in, way behind the baby tooth. So wonderful Dr. Peters told him he was going to measure it, but instead popped it out. He said he was glad he fooled him because it didn't hurt. So now he is a snaggle tooth because the new tooth is way out of place. I feel I have failed him as a mother. I should have noticed long ago the new tooth. Oh well, I'll get over it. I'll add it to the list of things he can blame me for in the future.

That reminds me, Cooper lost his first tooth while we were in Bryan while evacuating from Ike. He was so excited. We woke up the next morning to realize we had forgotten to put money under his pillow! He was looking for it furiously. I snuck a dollar (yes, our tooth fairy is cheap) to Jason and he asked Cooper to hand him his pillow so he could look in it, and amazingly, there was the dollar! The tooth fairy snuck the dollar into the pillowcase instead of under the pillow. That silly tooth fairy! And the tooth fairy tonight is bringing quarters because that's all I have! I wonder how those will get lost in the bed.

Sunday, January 04, 2009

Happy Anniversary!

Twelve years ago today I married my husband. This is a really major milestone for me. My marriage has lasted longer than many in my family of origin. I won't go into details because they wouldn't want me to. But I am proud of myself, and Jason. He did have a part in it too. I'm not sure what he would say, but I would say the last few months have been the hardest, a new baby, financial stress, major church changes, etc. But I think we are working through it and will hopefully come out stronger on the other end. This morning in Sunday School our teacher was talking about doubt and asked how we knew that our spouse was "the one". I remembered that I almost called off our wedding, mostly out of fear because of the divorces in my family. But I said to myself, I'm not sure I can live with him, but I know I can't live without him, so we'll work on the rest. And here we are. We sat at the lunch table today and looked around at all that God had blessed us with the last 12 years. It was overwhelming. I am so amazed at how God brought us together. We have the same philosophy on parenting, the same taste in tv (except sports) and music, the same ideas on what church and worship we enjoy. And most of that we didn't really know when we got married. But God knew. Maybe we didn't have all that in common then, but we have evolved together. Either way, we are a good match. There are days when we have to remember that we made a commitment to each other and the Lord. But there are days, like today, when he was praying in church, that I thought, I have married a very handsome, wonderful man. Thank you God. Of course, we really didn't realize 12 years ago that marrying on Jan. 4 was not setting us up for great anniversaries. By now, we have no money left and no energy left from the holidays. Except for our 10th, we really haven't done anything. Today we had our usual Taco Bell for lunch, he had a meeting at church, nothing special. But that is our life, and I am thankful for it!