Birthday Battle

As I fully expected, my idea of blogging more often is much harder when I'm not at a conference by myself, when I'm home with laundry, meals, baseball practices, a full time job and sleeping somewhere along the way. But I really have to try! It feels so good to get my thoughts out, and it helps my heart and brain to function better. Jason and I took a personality test once that was different than most, and the only thing I remember is that I was "literary". It said that meant I think in a literary sense, and its so true! Thoughts in my head are stories that I write in blog form, or Facebook post form some days. I even will rewrite parts I don't like. Sometimes its bad because I write the worst possible endings to my stories if I'm not in a good head space. I have to stop myself and rewrite it and change the ending. I get mad at myself sometimes. Why do you end it that way!? That wouldn't happen! Stop worrying about the worst possible scenario. Expect the better option, not the worst. Its like a battle.

I read a great passage the other day that kind of gave me some strategies for fighting the battle. Its kind of random, but go with me here. 1 Chronicles 12, the Mighty Men of David. Saul had just died and David is slowly taking the throne to be king of Israel. Men from all the tribes come from all over to support him and make sure he takes the throne. It lists every tribe and how many they sent to fight. It describes them with such powerful words: mighty men, bowmen who could shoot arrows with either hand, stronghold, experienced warriors, faces were like the faces of lions, swift as gazelles, valor, men who had understanding of the times, weapons of war, singleness of purpose, shield and spear, equipped and ready for battle, a whole heart to make David king, a single mind!

I wrote in my journal when I read that, "when God sends you to battle, he will send you an army. And when they are united, of single mind and purpose, they are unstoppable!" It reminded me to make sure I am assembling people around me who are united with me, who will support me, encourage me, fight for me if necessary. And in my thoughts, I have to tell myself that I have an army of God behind me and before me. God will not let me fight alone. When the stories pop into my head that don't end well, I have to change the story and fight the battle of my mind with stories of victory and goodness, not defeat. Not that bad things won't happen, they will. But I have to stay focused on the goodness of God. I need to be of single mind, have a singleness of purpose, my whole heart focused on God's calling to me, don't get distracted by the negative. Keep my warriors around me.

Today is my birthday. It hasn't been all roses and sweetness. But I have to change the negative story in my head and focus on all the good, the sweet birthday wishes, my awesome decorated desk and gifts from my coworkers, a yummy homemade chocolate birthday cake, and spending time with family. Fight the mental battle. Change the story to focus on the positive. Surround yourself with an army of people who love and support you. Change your heart to a heart of gratefulness.