The Most Beautiful Thing I Have Ever Read

I mentioned in our Christmas post last night that we lost a dear friend this week, very unexpectedly, and it has really rocked my world. I could barely hold it together in church this morning singing "Hark the Herald Angels Sing". The line "Mild he lay his glory by, born that man no more may die, born to raise the sons of earth, born to give them second birth" brought new meaning as I was grieving. Its one of those things that doesn't make sense. Tod was reaching so many people to Christ. Why would God take him so young. But then one of his friends posted this tonight, and its truly one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. So I wanted to post it here, partly so you could read it, and partly so I could reread it over and over when I need reminding of God's faithfulness and goodness. Written by Tod's best friend, Brian Summerall.

O Holy Night:

I spent Christmas Eve, not in the way I expected last night. My friend, Tod Bush, passed away a couple of days ago, While his brain showed no activity, his body was kept alive on a respirator for the last two days. So yesterday evening I went up to the hospital for one last earthly goodbye and to try to find some closure.

What I found instead was hope.

You see, Tod was an organ donor, and his body was kept alive so he could serve as a gift to many with no hope. After a tearful “I love you and I’ll see you in heaven,” and a final prayer, I sat with his family in the waiting room as this friend I love became the ultimate gift on Christmas.

In the midst of pain and heartbreak, hope entered in right about 8:00 in the form of a blue cooler that rolled into the room.

It was accompanied by an EMT and two heart surgeons (one in scrubs and one in golf pants and hat) from North Carolina. They had just landed at Addison Airport and arrived by ambulance. One of the surgeons told us Tod’s heart was going to a woman who desperately needed it in North Carolina. While the surgeons were rushed to the operating room with their cooler, we sat with the EMT for two hours and told her about Tod.

Next thing we knew, the EMT got up, the surgeons rushed by, thanked us and told us everything went perfectly, and Tod’s heart rolled out the door in that blue cooler and boarded a private plane to North Carolina.

Jesus gave Tod a new heart when he accepted him at Frontier Ranch 30 years ago. On Christmas Eve, Tod gave that heart to a woman in North Carolina to save her life.

“Love so amazing. Love so divine.”

Within minutes, the next EMT rushed in with the lung team. We told her about Tod and his love of the Dallas Mavericks. We told her about the woman in North Carolina who would get Tod’s heart and would soon be wondering why she has a strange desire to watch Mavericks games.

After about an hour, his lungs rushed out the door to save a man in Florida.

“Then the LORD God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.” Genesis 2:7

The same lungs that God breathed life into for Tod would now give life to a man in Florida. The lungs that climbed mountains so countless kids could hear about Jesus would now give life at sea level.

“A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices.”

It went on all night. They took his eyes so a blind man could see.

“Mary did you know that your baby boy will give sight to a blind man?”

He gave everything… heart, lungs, kidneys, liver, eyes, skin, bones, tissue. Coolers rolled out, and planes took off one after another filled with gifts of hope.

Tod gave everything so that people who had no hope on Christmas Eve would receive the gift of life on Christmas morning.

What’s truly amazing about all of this and the reason it truly stirs our hearts is that Tod’s story is really God’s story. What Tod did for so many last night, God did for all of us on Christmas.

Like the woman in North Carolina, God’s word says our heart is defective.

“The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; Who can understand it?” - Jeremiah 17:9

We are in desperate need of a transplant. Without a donor, we have no hope… no life.

On Christmas Eve, God entered the story. But instead of hope in a rolling cooler, we find it in a manger. Hope entered the world in a baby. Jesus. God with us.

A world with no hope on Christmas Eve, was given the gift of life on Christmas day.

“He came that we might have life and life to the full.” - John 10:10.

And just like Tod, God gave everything.

“For God so loved the world, that he GAVE his only son…” John 3:16

“Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering… and by his wounds, we are healed.” Isaiah 53:4-5

The ultimate gift.

“Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God” - John 1:12

Those who received Tod’s gifts last night got a new life. Those who receive God’s gift today, get eternal life.

New heart, new breath, new sight, new life.

So in the midst of heartache and loss last night, I saw God’s story. I saw what God did for me. I saw hope.

I saw Jesus in Tod when he lived, I experienced Jesus in Tod when he died.

“A thrill of hope the weary soul rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!

Fall on your knees
Oh hear the angel voices
Oh night divine
Oh night when Christ was born.”

Christmas 2016 Update

Just pretend that you received a Christmas card with an adorable picture, and on it was the link to this blog post so you can read our update. Cards just didn't happen this year. New Year's cards are maybe a possibility, but doubtful. So here is our update.

Campbell is in 3rd grade, loving school. His teacher is our neighbor down the street, and I love having an insider to keep me posted on him. He's a character. He played basketball, baseball and Upward football this year. He made the All Star baseball team and that helped him get more motivated to work hard I think. Jason coached him in baseball and they both had to learn how to work together in that setting but they were season champs, so it all worked out. He loves to play video games and watch You Tube videos.

Cade is in 7th grade. He's on the FCA leadership team, the Math Counts team, the 7th grade basketball and baseball teams, and our church middle school servant leader team. He is a born leader, but he's a quiet leader, behind the scenes. He loves to play X Box and play with our dog Sadie.

Cooper is in 9th grade, and handling high school quite well. He lives and breaths baseball, and works out after school three days a week with the varsity baseball team. He's getting so tall and strong. He has big dreams and we are excited to watch where his hard work takes him. He serves in children's ministry on Sunday mornings and middle school on Wednesday nights doing tech.

Jason's job has shifted some and he now focuses on our high school ministry at Pinelake. He's loving building relationships with the students and building a new leadership team. He has some exciting things planned for 2017.

I am still the Director of Childcare/MMO at Pinelake and loving it. I'm also still a Compassionate Entrepreneur with Trades of Hope, although in my fourth year I have had to step back some with our boys' busy schedule. But I love that I can do something to help those in poverty and trafficking from my home in the free moments that our family's schedule allows.

Jason and I are going to the Passion conference next week with our Seniors and then leaving from there to go to Pigeon Forge, TN to celebrate our 20th Anniversary. (That's just craziness!) We went there on our honeymoon, and if you had told me back then as a 21 year old newlywed where we would be now, I'm not sure I would have believed it. But I am so thankful and honored to be in this place in our journey. Not to end on a sad note, but we had a friend pass away this week, way too young and very suddenly. It has wrecked me on some levels. It makes me all the more certain that I have to take each day as a gift, ask God to show me opportunities to minister and love people, and love and serve my family daily because we don't know how long our time here will be. I want to not take a day in 2017 for granted. And I want people to remember me for making a difference. Here's to a wonderful new year!

Poor Peter, Wait that's me!

At the end of Matthew chapter 16, Jesus tells the disciples that he will die and on the 3rd day be raised to life. And Peter gets upset and says "Never Lord!" Verse 23 "Jesus turned and said to Peter, 'Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men."

And then the very next chapter, Peter, James and John get to go up to the mountain with Jesus, and he is transfigured, shown in his glorified state. They also see Moses and Isaiah and hear the voice of God who says "This is my son, Listen to Him!" Sweet Peter, after he picks himself back up off the ground, offers to build Jesus, Moses and Isaiah shelters. Why would Peter offer that? My NIV Study Bible says "Peter may have desired to erect new tents of meeting where God could again communication with his people... he seemed eager to find fulfillment of the promised glory then, prior to the sufferings that Jesus had announced as necessary... The idea was not appropriate, however, because Jesus had a work to finish in his few remaining days on earth."

Poor Peter thought he was saying the right thing. He didn't want his friend to die. What Jesus was saying didn't make sense and didn't sound right. He wanted good things for Jesus, and thought he would be King. But God had a bigger plan.

Peter wanted to build them little houses. He probably wanted to live in that holy moment. "Let's just stay here. We don't need to go onto this horrible thing that you said is going to happen. Just hang here." Luke 9:33 even says "He did not know what he was saying." Again, poor Peter thought, out of his flesh, he was saying something good. But God's plans were bigger. And Jesus needed to finish them.

We can only see temporary. But God sees eternal.

Help me Lord to see your big picture, and be obedient, even when it doesn't make sense, even when where I am seems safer. Your thoughts are higher than my thoughts and your plans are better. And I don't always need to know why. I am a why person, but I need to learn to obey without the why. Its a form of humbleness to trust you. Teach me.

Compassion for Starving People... I don't have it.

Matthew Chapter 5 contains the story of feeding the 4000, but something jumped out at me differently this time. Jesus is teaching the people and its time to go home. Jesus says in verse 32 "I have compassion for these people; they have already been with me three days and have nothing to eat. I do not want to send them away hungry or they may collapse on the way." Two major thoughts.

1. These people had been listening to Jesus for three days without food apparently. They were more spiritually hungry than physically hungry. That shows how dedicated they were to hearing him and being in his presence. No excuses. I have probably never been that desperate to be with Jesus. I come up with excuses all the time not to be with Jesus, and they aren't even good excuses. I need to do laundry, cook dinner, empty the dishwasher, get on Facebook, check my email, on and on and on. These people were starving, not just for food, but more starving for Jesus. 

Psalm 63:1 The Message "God—you’re my God! I can’t get enough of you! I’ve worked up such hunger and thirst for God, traveling across dry and weary deserts"

Oh that that would be my prayer.

2. Jesus had been teaching and healing for three days at least. He had to be worn out. I can't imagine how worn out he was, but he didn't just say, "see ya people. I'm out. Y'all are on your own." He had compassion for them. As they were leaving him, he wanted to make sure they were ok. His compassion didn't have an end to it. My compassion and love for people needs to grow! Even when I'm tired and tired of people.   

I Peter 3:8 Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.

Teach me how to be compassionate Lord, even when I'm worn out. 

Are you Weary?

I am weary. Have been for a few weeks. Not just tired physically, but lots of other ways. The verse about coming to God if I was weary floated through my head a few times, and Praise be to God, it was part of our L3 Saturday. So God and I camped out there for a while on Saturday night, and as He usually does, He taught me some new things in a verse that I've read a hundred times.

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

I was thinking about the yoke part. One of my commentaries says "A yoke is a heavy wooden harness that fits over the shoulders of an ox or oxen. It is attached to a piece of equipment the oxen are to pull..." Here's a picture in case you aren't sure what that looks like. 



Poor guys, strapped together. Can't go anywhere on their own. They have to work together or let one of them lead and the other follow. Oh wait! That's what I'm supposed to do! Jesus says to take his yoke, and his burden is light. If I let him lead me, then the burden is even lighter. I don't have to make those decisions about which way to go. Just walk with my Savior who is yoked to me. 

The part that really struck out to me that I have glossed over before is "learn from me". He wants to teach me how to live, how to deal with my daily circumstances, and how to grow in Him. And he is a gentle, humble teacher, not harsh. When I am yoked with him, it can be easy and light, not that my circumstances will be, but the joy and strength and peace I can feel will make it feel lighter. And I can find rest! Just that word makes me want to take a deep breath and relax. He is a good, good father who wants to help me!

The end of that commentary statement above says "The rest that Jesus promises is love, healing, and peace with God, not the end of all labor. A relationship with God changes meaningless, wearisome toil into spiritual productivity and purpose."  That sounds wonderful.

Of course the hard thing about being yoked with someone is, you lose your independence. You are now dependent on that person you are yoked to. That's how its supposed to work with God. When I'm stressed and tired because of my circumstances, its usually because I've been doing it on my own strength, and not placing my dependence upon Him. 

Father, thank you for being willing to be yoked to me! I wouldn't want to be yoked to me. Help me learn how to be dependent upon you, to walk with you, to lean on you, and let you lead me. Thank you for your rest, your peace, your joy and strength! You are my good Father!

What a week...

What a week, right? Election 2016 will go down in history as, well, a mess. I have had great self control over the last few months, and even more this week, to not give my opinion on the election or who I voted for, and will try not to in this post. Why? Because like Paul, I want to say  "I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some." I have lost some respect for a few people through this process because of what they have said. I don't judge them, they are entitled to their opinion, I just didn't know that was their opinion, and I don't think they gave it very gracefully. I don't want anyone to lose respect for me or to label my character by who I voted for. Some battles are worth fighting for and standing up for truth. But in this election, I didn't think either choice was worth me losing respect from anyone. 


I have been reminded of a few things through this process though. I know God is still in control, still sovereign, and not surprised by any of this. And I trust Him. 
I have also realized that the darkness of the world is getting darker, and therefore my light must get brighter. I was driving the other night, and because of time change, realized it had been a long time since I have driven at night. And my eyes were killing me! The brightness of the headlights and street lights were glaring and painful, so much so that I had an vision checkup yesterday, and I will be getting glasses to wear when I drive. 

Its good to get a vision checkup once in a while spiritually too. Think about yourself as a light. Is your light so bright that to those living in darkness its glaring? Not that we want people to be in pain when they look at us, but we do want there to be such a difference in the way we are living they have no doubt that we are not dwellers of the darkness. We need to be shining our light in this world through how we love others, no matter what their labels are to the rest of the world. We need to show grace and love when they disagree with us. Why would anyone want what we have in Jesus if we seem hateful, judgmental and angry when people disagree with us. We need to be a light in this dark world, showing people the way in the darkness to Jesus, the light of the world, who will welcome them with open arms, no matter what label the world has given them. 

Lord, help me be light!

 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:14-16

All Staff Today

Once a month, all the staff from all five of our campuses gathers together for worship, teaching and meetings. I love these times. I sometimes miss some because we have childcare during that time for women's Bible studies that are on campus, so if it gets crazy then I have to sneak in the back. Our Senior Pastor Chip usually teaches us out of the L3 for the day. I try to read the passages before we get in there and guess which passages he will teach on and I got it right today.

Ezekiel 18 Your Soul Matters to God

Main points for me...
I matter because God gave me a soul, my soul belongs to Him, and he knows what is going on in my soul. He gives it, He watches it, and He requires it.
Matt. 10:28, 16:26, Luke 12:20, Psalm 34:22

God wants us to have soul health.
1. The health of my soul is not inherited.
We might be exposed to evil, but we can choose to be different. We might have a propensity to the evil, but we can overcome that. Generational sins can be broken! My soul health is not inherited! I can be chain breaker! Amen!

2. Your soul health has to be maintained.
Righteous people can drift, but they can repent and depend on the Spirit of God to help them by creating a clean heart, restoring their joy. Psalm 51:10

I took three pages of notes, so this is truly a summary.
Its my responsibility to take a stand against the generational sins that have been passed down to me, and make the decision to not take that path. And I can pray and ask God to help me with that path, because goodness knows I can't do it by myself. I can strive for righteousness because I am righteous because of his forgiveness. I do not strive for righteousness to try to become righteous. I already am righteous in His sight.

I had a friend once say that because of his parent's divorce, he felt that he wouldn't really have a choice not to get divorced himself. He felt trapped in that destiny. Because of my parent's divorce, I am determined to not get divorced, and it brings freedom to me because that is not a choice. I know I am breaking chains and passing that onto my children. I am thankful!

Let's try again..

It's been over a year since I've blogged. I would apologize, but there is no reason to. I've been in a wonderful routine of work, ministry, parenting, school and sports, and blogging just didn't fit in. But its been on my heart to start again, mostly just sharing my journal entries as I have my quiet times. Don't be deceived. I'm not in a great routine with that, and I'm hoping by sharing some here that it will hold me more accountable. Some days it may be a stream of consciousness, so don't judge me by my grammar or sentence structure. And I won't always be able to post here, because not everything is for public consumption. But maybe something will help someone.

Most of the time for my quiet time I do our church's reading plan. You can go to pinelake.org and look at the L3 reading for the day if you want to join me. You're welcome to! And then we can talk together about what we've read.

Psalm 130:3-5 "If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins, O Lord who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared. I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope." NIV
4-5 in the Message "If you, God, kept records on wrongdoings, who would stand a chance? As it turns out, forgiveness is your habit, and that's why you're worshiped. I pray to God- my life a prayer- and wait for what he'll say and do."

NIV notes in my Bible on "feared" - "honored, worshiped, trusted and served as the one true God. If God were not forgiving, people could only flee from him in terror."

Praise you God for being forgiving, no matter what I do. You're love for me is not conditional. It doesn't run out. I can't do something so bad that you check out on me. Forgiveness is your habit. The fact that you have the power to forgive makes me fear you. Forgiveness is hard. But its not hard for you. You don't struggle to forgive me. Its who you are. Thank you Father.

My soul waits, my life a prayer, waiting for what you'll say and do. I want to live in expectation of what you'll do in my life and the world around me. You are good and your love and forgiveness are amazing.

Guatemala! Part 2!

This post is a little harder to write, partly because the artisan organization is more complicated to explain, and partly because of my response to meeting them. When we left the girls home of Casa Hogar I was full of joy and excitement seeing how these girls are flourishing. The other artisan group left me a little confused, but I think I have come to an understanding about it. But let me back up and introduce you to these beautiful people.

Years ago a man named Edgar was working for an NGO, helping people get micro-financing loans to start their own business. But he was frustrated at the fact that either the people didn't know how to take care of the money they were making or didn't have a place to sell their products. So he started his own organization and has employed people all over the country of Guatemala. On Wednesday Edgar brought some of his artisans to us and explained the process. 

This is Edgar and Rosa. Rosa leads a group of artisans who go all over the area and buy these shirts that are called Huipil (pronounced wee-peel). They are works of art and each design represents a different group of people in the country. Her group finds the used Huipils and gives them to Edgar.

This is Marta and she leads the group that buys traditional skirts from all over the area and gives them to Edgar. Marta was telling us that she has 4 children who have gone through university. Even Edgar was amazed at that. Only 2% of Guatemalans graduate from universities. 

Edgar then takes the skirts and shirts to another group up in the mountains and they cut it all up into pieces and gives the pieces back to Edgar. He then takes the pieces to another group outside of Antigua who make our products. We got to go visit them. 

These artisans sew our Turtle Backpack, Mosaic clutch, and Mayan clutch. Each Mosaic clutch you order looks completely different because they are made out of the Huipil shirts, so they are all beautiful pieces of art. They were working in the home of one of the artisans and it was the worst living conditions I had ever seen in person. That was the part I had a hard time with. It made me wonder if we were doing enough? Paying them enough? Setting them up for success? But these people were proud of what they were doing. They dressed up nice for us because we are their business partners. Most of them don't work there actually, but work in their own homes, which is great for the mommas and their babies. One of our founders on the group said this was her third visit there, and even though it looked very sad to us, she could see improvements they had made. They had a stove now in the kitchen instead of an open fire. They had built onto their home, and even though it was tin walls and dirt floors, they were renting out space to another family to make more income. One of our CE's was carrying her personal Mosaic clutch and those ladies were so excited to see that an American lady loved their bag.  

Since I've been back, I've been thinking about them the most, wondering if we are really making a difference or not. I'm reading a book called A Path Appears by Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn. Its a book all about the different things people are doing around the world to help others. The chapter I read last night really helped me understand that we are helping these artisans get out of poverty. Researchers have been looking at groups who are entrenched in poverty, and noticing that many are spending what little money they have on alcohol. They are depressed and stressed because of their situations and see no hope. Their depression leads to a lack of cortisol in their brains which leads to a lack of energy and sharp thinking, which keeps them from wanting to work hard to change their lives. But when researchers offered the gift of hope, whether that took the form of livestock,

a monetary loan or simply encouragement and job training, their lives literally changed. They worked harder, had more energy, saved money instead of spending it on alcohol, sent their kids to school, and began climbing the upward cycle of success. Now their financial situations may still qualify as poverty levels in our eyes, but the hope they had changed their whole demeanor. 

"When lack of hope creates a 'poverty trap' the proper response is to inject hope." (p 124)

"The best three letter weapon against poverty is spelled not AID, but JOB." (p 128)

These artisans are working hard to make our products because it gives them a purpose, they make something beautiful they can be proud of, and there are people depending on them. They set the price they want for their products and when they earn it they can be proud of what they are doing to take care of their families. So while parts of this trip made me sad at first, I can see the difference we are making and I am more passionate about what we do. 

I'll have one more post with the fun stuff we did! Chocolate and coffee!

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Guatemala! Part 1

Last week I was honored to join 12 other women as we traveled to Guatemala to visit our artisan groups who make products for Trades of Hope. These trips are called "Vision Trips", hopefully giving us as Compassionate Entrepreneurs a bigger picture of what we do, and how it truly is life changing for the people we partner with. I'll be honest, the week before I was petrified and really had to ask myself why. I finally decided it was because I didn't know what to expect and wouldn't be in control of the situation. And face it, being with a group of women for a week that you don't know can be a scary situation. But all my fears were for naught, because it was an amazing week, I made great friends, I learned a lot about being flexible and taking what comes, and meeting our beautiful artisans in person was so eye opening and comforting in many ways.

We spent the first two nights in Jalapa, which is not a nice place to visit. It is on the path that the drug cartels take through the country, and we had extra security. But the hotel we stayed in was beautiful, and took very good care of us. Our reason for going to Jalapa was to visit Casa Hogar, a home for girls. It is not an orphanage. Most of these girls have parents who love them very much, they just can't afford to give them the life they desire. Some of the girls are there because of abuse in their families and the government has put them there to keep them safe. It is a very safe place. They are loved there with a passion by Madre Claudia and the other nuns helping her. They run a tight ship, though. Each older girl has a younger girl to take care of and each girl has chores to do. They wash their own clothes. They learn how to make tortillas. They keep their rooms with rows of bunk beds spotless. The older girls braid everyone's hair and that's how Madre Claudia can tell from far away if each girl has been cleaned up for the day. The younger girls go to school there and the older girls take a bus to school each day.

There were some very sad stories. The profile picture on Facebook right now is me holding a baby, and many have asked me why I didn't bring that baby home. Well, since her momma was standing right next to me, that wasn't necessary. Her momma is a teenager who was raped by someone but she and her baby are safe and happy in the home, and are healing emotionally, physically and spiritually. I won't post the picture, but we met another girl who is 12 years old and 8 months pregnant from a rape. The evil in this world just boggles the mind sometimes and breaks my heart. But those baby girls will now grow up in the home where they will be safe, and hopefully not ever have to experience that evil. I prayed for that sweet baby girl that I was holding, that God would protect her from evil, that she would grow up knowing love, and safety, and that she would one day live a full productive life, and be a world changer in her community. God has great plans for her!

So how does Trades of Hope play into this amazing place? Some of the older girls who are doing well in school and are responsible are picked to either work in the jewelry room or the sewing room where they make our products! The money they earn goes back into the girls home or pays the oldest girls who have already finished school and are actually hired to run the sewing and jewelry programs. They make our Identity bracelet and Julia necklace, as well as our Susy bag and headbands. They are working on some new products for us too! They are earning enough to give a very large check to Madre Claudia each month which supports the home, and she so appreciates the consistency of the money coming in. Because of the amount of sales we have been making, they are also about to hire three more girls who are finishing up school to work there more full time while they begin university. They are very excited to be a part of this program. It gives them job security, confidence, pride in their work and skills that will help them in the future.

I can't really put into words the experience of meeting these girls. They met us as we got off our bus, singing, and each girl gave each of us a hug! It was a long line of hugs, and I treasured every one. They were excited to braid some of our hair. We gathered in a big circle and the girls went around to tell us what they hoped for their futures. Many want to be doctors, lawyers, teachers and business women like us! At the end of they day they did a program for us with singing and dancing, and then we had a dance party and even though we didn't speak the same language, the language of music, dancing and laughing is universal. The sweet girls were so excited to show us their work. We got to do some shopping and purchase some products they make other than the TOH ones, and I spent entirely too much money. But to have a young lady get so excited that you are buying the necklace she made, well, it was money well spent. CE's who have been with TOH for awhile have a charm necklace, and they gave each of us a charm they made of the calla lily, the flower of Guatemala, and a charm of a silver fingerprint that they put our initials in. I am so proud of those charms! And then when they left, they all lined up and waved goodbye. I wanted to cry.

That was just one day of my trip. It was a sad day, but when we left the home, we all commented that we weren't sad at all. We were joyful, and excited for the future for those girls, and for what we could do in our businesses to help them. They had joy, and that joy was contagious!

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Summer experiment update... which leads to a tangent

My computer crashed a few weeks ago, like really died, crashed. So it was gone for over a week and it came back with a new empty hard drive. That became my excuse for why I wasn't blogging about meaningful moments with my kids. But to be honest, I just stopped looking. As with most great ideas I have, I am inconsistent in follow through. They have watched entirely too much tv, you tube videos, played too much on my kindle and the xbox, and I have excused it with, well, we've been out for baseball so much they need a break. Whatever. Baseball is over tomorrow so I will not be able to use that excuse anymore, and I will again have to be proactive in finding things for them to do, and making memorable moments happen. They rarely happen by accident. They take effort, sometimes planning ahead. Yes, sometimes the spontaneous events of life bring great memories, but spontaneous things will not happen if I let them sit in front of screens all day.

Can I be gut wrenchingly honest here? I'm having one of those "I'm a failure" days, for lots of reasons. This lack of purposeful parenting mentioned above is only one aspect of that. I know we all have days like that. I know in my heart that it isn't truth. It's lies from the evil one or lies from my fleshly side that think I should be super mom and wife and minister. I need God to speak His loving truth into my spirit. I've heard some amazing sermons the past few days. Check out Passion City Church from May 5 and May 12. I have to learn to love myself because God commands us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves, so if we don't love ourselves, our neighbors will be jilted and not see the love of God the way He wants them to. I need to be reminded that I am loved, that the mistakes I make in being a wife, mother, friend or minister for the most part will not affect eternity. I need to learn from them and move on, because if I walk around down on myself, grumpy and sad, no one will want what I have. And that could affect someone's eternity.

So I will pick myself back up, go to God's word and read His truth about me, listen to and sing some worship so the attention gets off myself, pray for forgiveness and joy to return, and get up tomorrow and try again. His mercies are new every morning!

Moments this week...

Meaningful moments this week...

Hubby was out of town so my "baby" slept with me. I looked over at him with his puppy and blanket that he has slept with for almost 7 years, and yet he was so big. My baby is growing up.

The next night hubby got home in the middle of the night and got baby out of our bed to take him to his bed. In the middle of his sleep, he smiled the biggest smile at his daddy, and waved at him. The next day he didn't remember it. But I loved that moment.

I watched the sunset the other night and thanked God for His mercy and grace and goodness.

My man child had his first at bat with his school team. He got out at first, but knowing it was the first bat of hopefully great success, lots of friends, and hopefully the key to college was very meaningful.

NIV Bible notes "The exercise of one's personal freedom is to be governed by whether it will bring glory to God, whether it will build up the church of God and whether it will encourage the unsaved to receive Christ as Savior and Lord."
1 Cor. 10:31 So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

Meaningful Moments #2

Its really hard to get my kids away from all the screens in the house especially during a rainy day. But during a break from the rain, we ran to the pool. As usual, I didn't swim, so I was reading. Coop joined me towards the end reading his book. I looked at him and caught myself. Take advantage of the moment Mom. So I started a conversation. Took a minute to get it going, as it does with teenage boys. But then we talked about baseball, his new team starting tomorrow, his excitement and nervousness, who he wants to be friends with, how this is the first step of his long term plan. If you know him, you know he doesn't show much emotion. But I wish I had a picture of his smile as he talked about this passion. That was my meaningful moment today! I hope I can remember that smile for a long time!

We also made another memory this evening. We made it 13 years before there was a window broken with a ball in the backyard. It was just a wiffle ball. You wouldn't think that would make a big hole in the kitchen window, but it did. Luckily its a double pane, so we are ok until we can get it fixed. Life with boys!

Summer Experiment

It's no secret if you've known me long that in May I dread summer. Trying to keep three active boys occupied, away from screens, while keeping my sanity sounds like a daunting task. But every August, I look back and think I wish I could do the summer over. I missed so many opportunities to make memories, to have meaning. The summer flies by and I wonder where it went.

So, I am going to try an experiment this summer. I am really going to try to have at least one meaningful moment everyday. It might not take long. It might not look meaningful to you. But I will try to be present in a moment with one of my kids, with my hubby, by myself or with God. But I really want to make the effort to be in the moment.

I started yesterday. Little one and I made banana bread together. And then I took a walk with the dog, without any music. And today I invited the middle one to run a few errands with me. "Why?" he said. "Because I want to spend time with you." He smiled and turned off the video game and joined me. I really had to make the effort to have a conversation. We talked about how school ended, and friendships. It was meaningful. Of course at the grocery store he throws out, when its our turn to go on an errand with you, you should buy us something. Ha. He got a $1 drink. I can do that.

There has already been fighting and boredom, and its only the first weekend of summer. But maybe as my being meaningful muscle grows, I can come up other things to help them have meaningful summers too. That's my goal anyway. I'll keep you posted.

End of Another School Year

I'm enjoying my last hour of quiet and alone time in my house before the boys are home for summer. They technically have a few hours in the morning, but we are still debating whether its worth getting up for. I can't believe we have finished another school year, our first full year in MS. It was a wonderful year for all of us.

Jason still loves his job. His team is finally complete, and the student ministry is growing, with students being baptized almost weekly. He traveled to Dallas with middle school in March, and will go with high school to Atlanta this month for mission trips. We are so excited for student camp in July when we will all go to FL. We can't wait to sit under Louie Giglio's teaching and worship with Kristian Stanfill and the Passion Band! What an incredible opportunity!

The boys had a great year in school, all As, learned a lot. Cade was voted to his Student Council, Cooper participate in Academic Quiz Bowl, played trombone, and Campbell loved his teacher which translated to much better behavior. Cade will play percussion in band next year, and he and Campbell both made the gifted program for next year.

Baseball is all consuming this spring, as usual, and will not be slowing down. Cooper and Cade are both finishing up their seasons with their select teams, about a month left. Neither team has been hugely successful, but they have both improved, and made new friends. Campbell's coach pitch team won their season ending tournament, only lost one game the whole season. He plays really well if he can focus and stop talking! But the big, huge news is that after two days of tryouts, Cooper made the Northwest Rankin 8th Grade baseball team for next year! Its a really big deal, and he can see his high school and college baseball career beginning. Its going to be a lot of hard work and time, but he is ready. I just don't know if we are!

That leaves me I guess. The fact that I haven't blogged in months shows my status, crazy busy! But I wouldn't trade it. I finished up our school year in MMO and childcare this past week. I'll still work over the summer, but less more flexible hours. The year flew by, and it was filled with ups and downs. It is still my dream job, and I thank God everyday for it. We made lots of changes, ministered to many parents and children, loved on tons of babies. Most things I expected, but the part I didn't expect was how much I would have to invest in my teachers lives, not have to, but get to. I have 45 employees to shepherd and I had no idea what that meant really. There were births, deaths, joys and sadness, prayers in the hallway, texts in the early morning. I can't really go into all of it because they aren't my stories, but I was honored and scared and overwhelmed to be in the midst of some of their stories. And I couldn't have done it without God's strength. I don't think I did it all right, but it is what it is. Hopefully I did what God wanted. I am so excited for getting organized this summer and can't wait for next year! God has already done so much to prepare next year to be even better, and I can't wait for the ride!

I also have my Trades of Hope business. Because of baseball season and my ministry job, its taken a back seat in the last months, which I hate. I am trying to rebuild it over the summer. I found out last week that I was chosen to go with a small group of Compassionate Entrepreneurs to Guatemala in September to meet our artisans there, and I am so excited about that! My team hasn't taken a break though, and my ladies have been recruiting like crazy! I love meeting new people and watching their passion for helping artisans around the world take off and grow. I am looking for hostesses to have online and home parties so I can get my business back up if anyone is interested. Everything worth something takes hard work, and I am trying!

Me and my dog are watching the clock for 20 more minutes before the house gets louder and messier. But it promises to be a great summer with ministry, worship, fun and baseball! I'll try to blog more. If not for you, for me. It helps me review all that God is doing, and hopefully remember to give Him the glory for all of it!

Christmas 2014 Update

Merry Christmas to all our friends and family! We have been overly blessed in 2014. Words can not express our gratitude to our Lord and Savior for all the ways He has blessed us this year and we can't wait to see what 2015 brings us.

Jason has just celebrated his one year anniversary as Student Pastor at Pinelake. He has grown so much, adjusting to a large church, learning from leadership, leading his own team and watching students' lives change. He attended the Passion conference in Atlanta with our college students in January and then left from there to go to Ethiopia. He took the middle school to Memphis and the high school to St. Louis, which was craziness with that many students. And the middle school camp, high school camp, and every Sunday and Wednesday night student services. He's been busy! But loving every minute! We had his staff over for Christmas and they spent some time reminiscing about the lives they saw changed this year. Pinelake is all about life change, and we are honored to be a small part of it.

On the same note, I was beyond grateful and excited to be asked to join the Pinelake staff in June as the Director of Childcare and Mother's Morning Out. It is my dream job and I know this is exactly what the Lord created me for. Its perfect for my family too, working 20 hours a week, so I can still be available to pick up the kids from school and get them where they need to be. And I can somewhat keep up with the house too. I love being on staff with my husband. The other people make fun of us though because you will rarely see us together. We're too busy with our own stuff! We don't even sit together at staff meetings. I am loving getting to know my teachers, families and sweet children. There is much to do and that makes me excited to get up in the morning.

I am also still working for Trades of Hope, offering fair trade accessories that help artisans around the world get out of the sex trade, poverty and sweat shops. I've been with them 2 1/2 years, and basically had to start over with the move, but my team has exploded in the last few months and I'm excited to see what 2015 will bring. I even have an ad HERE! I'm praying for the Lord to bless it. I'll be heading to FL in a few weeks for our annual retreat and can't wait to be inspired to continue to grow my business.

Cooper is in 7th grade and just turned 13 last week. How did that happen? I cannot believe I have a teenager! Crazy. He played on two baseball teams in the spring, played soccer in the fall, and is playing basketball now. He has joined a new select baseball team for this year, so we are excited to get to know these families and see how far we can go. He is planning on trying out for the middle school team in the spring, and is very hopeful. He plays trombone in the band and made the Academic Quiz Bowl Team. Yes, he's very smart. He's loving being a part of his daddy's middle school ministry. He's a really cool kid!

Cade is 10, 5th grade. He has a man teacher this year for home room and LOVES him. He makes up competitions in this classroom for learning and of course, my competitive kid eats that up! He's doing much better in school starting from the first day instead of coming mid year. He's my relational kid, and starting mid year last year was harder on him then we thought. He's much happier now. He also played two baseball teams in the spring, soccer in the fall, and is playing on two basketball teams right now. He's on a select baseball team, but is really enjoying basketball right now. He will blow you away on the court. He was elected to the school's Student Council, had to campaign and everything. And that allowed him to ride on the school's float during the Homecoming parade. So fun!

Campbell is 6, 1st grade. What can I say about Campbell? He's funny, crazy, frustrating, a debater and an instigator. But just when you are mad at him, he says something funny and you can't help but laugh. Last spring he got in trouble in school all the time, but this fall, he was the first to make the All Star wall with 10 pinks for good behavior. He played baseball in spring, tackle football in the fall (which I don't think we will do again) and basketball now.

People ask me how we handle all these sports. 1. We don't know any different. 2. I have a color coded calendar. 3. On days when we don't have anything, we are bored, and they are running around the house like crazies tearing up stuff. We need sports!

We have a new addition to our family this year. We brought our new schnauzer puppy, Sadie, into our family in October and it feels like she's been here forever. I was scared to get a new dog, but she has been a perfect fit for us. Still working on potty training, but every day gets better. If it would just stop raining we could probably get there. Cade and I are currently taking her to a puppy training class on Saturdays and we are pleased at her progress. She's very smart! But I've never had a dog before that we had to groom, and I am getting very picky about who I take my baby to. I'm not really pleased with anyone so far.

So that's our crazy, busy, wonderful life! We are so thankful for all that God has allowed us to experience this year. I think its almost been the best year of our lives, and that's a big statement! I put this verse on the back of our Christmas card, and its so true for us. "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21. God is good! We hope you are experiencing His goodness too!

My Favorites - in the Car and at Home

What I am Watching: Loving new fall TV season. My favorites have returned, NCIS, Big Bang Theory, Castle, Once Upon a Time. I watch Dancing with the Stars in fast forward, love only two or three of the celebrities. And I watch 19 Kids and Counting while I'm doing other things. But I have found a few new shows too! Not that I have time to watch anything else. But I am loving Forever, cute British coroner who can't die, and solves crimes. And I adore Mysteries of Laura, a mix of my favorite things, crime drama, a real mom and humor. Hilarious! Of course, its not getting good ratings, so I hope it sticks around awhile.

There are a few disappointments. I was so excited for NCIS New Orleans, but I don't know if its the fake Cajun accents or bad writing, but its no where near the original series. I have tried a few episodes, but I think I'm giving up. I am still watching Girl Meets World with the boys, but it is very cheesy and hard to watch. There are just enough references to the original series to keep my attention and its good lessons for the kids and something we can watch together.

What I am Listening to: The best CD we have gotten in awhile, Oxygen by Lincoln Brewster.

 

He's been around for awhile, but this CD is so fresh and fun and great worship! We crank it up in the car and the boys fight over which song they want first. I bought it specifically for the song "Made New" but there are so many great ones. We've actually done "Let it be Known" on Wednesday night at Pinelake. So much fun! Highly recommend it!

We also listen a lot to North Point worship, No One Higher. "Can't Stop Singing" is a favorite in the car too, as loud as we can stand it. Usually there are motions going on in the backseat.

 

 

If I only had more time to watch tv and listen to music! But at least the music can fill the time while I'm sitting in the car pool line.

 



New addition to our Family!

We have been without a dog for 4 years, the longest period in my life without one. And I will admit, I have enjoyed it. Its been nice not having to clean up after one, feed one, and most importantly, worrying about one when we are away from the house. And I was heartbroken after my Gabby passed. I just wasn't ready. But starting a week after Gabby was gone, the boys started asking for a new dog. And I came up with amazing excuses and put offs for a good 4 years. But after we moved, I had run out of excuses. So whenever they asked, I would respond with, "have you prayed about it?" I'll blame God, that works, right? But I really did want to wait on God's timing, even for a dog. I was worried we would get a crazy one, and I wanted the perfect dog for our family. I think it was August the last time one of them asked, and I said "October, we'll get a dog in October." I don't know why I said that, just wanted them to stop asking. Well, October arrived.

Last Thursday night, while the boys were getting ready for bed, I for some reason picked up my computer and searched for schnauzer puppies. I was appalled at how much some people were asking. $1200 for a puppy! Please! But one breeder was only asking $250, much better. They had a few pictures, so cute. So J texted them at 9 PM, thinking we wouldn't hear back until the next day. But within a minute, they called back. J asked if they had any black puppies left, and the breeder said he had sold the last one the day before, but strangely, the lady had just called him back and wanted to return her. The puppy was bothering her allergies. So within 3O minutes we had bought a dog. And I realized I must have been ready because I was jumping up and down and clapping my hands with joy.

We had so much fun Friday buying all the fun dog stuff while the boys were at school. I wanted to buy a collar with a bow, didn't happen.  And then we met the lady in the Kroger parking lot to get my sweet baby. I was in love from minute one. She is the most adorable thing I have ever seen. She immediately curled up in her new bed and conked out. And we got to surprise the boys, which doesn't happen often. We videoed it, but it wasn't as exciting as I was hoping. They were very excited, but they were quiet because she is so little and was sleeping. Awesome!

Then the name discussions began. The last time we got a puppy, there were just two of us to make the decision, much harder with 5 people. We wanted something Disney, something Texas, and something not too girly. After three days, we finally agreed on Sadie Belle Wattly (in honor of JJ Watt). And yes, after the decision was made, I realized the Gone with the Wind reference. Hilarious if you catch it! And then I added on Ghirardelli at the end because she looks like dark chocolate!

She is the bestest little thing! I was dreading having a whining puppy all night, but only once in the whole week has she woken me up to go outside. She sleeps in her crate like a champ. She is almost perfect on #1 outside, but we still have a ways to go on #2 (TMI?) but I am so thankful that she is doing so well. We took her to the vet and they said she is great! The boys love playing with her! We bought some fun pink toys and she chases them around the house. I have never really dressed my dogs, but this may be the closest I get to dressing a girl, so I may have to this time. Her only downfall is, because she is so small and black, she will fall asleep somewhere and then we can't find her. Her favorite spot is between the ottoman and chair, I don't even know how she gets there sometimes.

Cade told me the other day that if we had gotten a dog four years ago, we wouldn't have gotten Sadie. And how God must have let that lady give her back for us. And how crazy it was that I just happen to look online Thursday night. Way to grow your faith buddy! See, prayer does work. Meet Sadie.

My ALS Ice Bucket Challenge

I was challenged by my sweet friend Lindsey Simmons to do the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. She later made it up to me with two pumpkin cupcakes which I did not share. I don't know if I will ever get around to actually dumping ice water on my head. Jason did it with the high school staff at our church in an over the top ridiculous way, very entertaining. And Coop did it in our back yard. We are donating money for research because I do want them to find a cure, but I just don't know if I will actually dump water on my head. And I don't know who I would challenge, because everyone I can think of has already done it. But it is important to me because this horrible disease has affected me personally.

My grandmother, Maree Cross, passed away from ALS in 1987. We were very close. As the oldest grandchild, we had a special relationship. Yes, I'll just say it. She spoiled me rotten. I spent many a night in her California king size bed, staying up past my bedtime playing Atari. She would always ask me right before I fell asleep what I wanted for breakfast. And it was usually the best cinnamon toast you've ever tasted. We would eat Hershey kisses and play Skip-bo. She taught me how to throw a bridge party, how to properly set a table and how to make peanut butter fudge. She introduced me to split pea soup.

My Memaw took me clothes shopping, buying way more than necessary. She had an oil painting made of me for her living room wall. My mom still has it. Its creepy. She loved to talk and I still remember how she would twist a piece of paper in her fingers while she talked on the phone. She would always have a Whatchamacallit candy bar waiting when she picked me up from school in her little sports car with no seat belts, or take me to Swenson's to get an ice cream sundae. We would sit outside and shell pecans or break the ends off of green beans. She had a birthday party for me where all the girls came dressed up, brought their dolls,  and we had tea and she taught us how to play Shanghai.

One of my favorite stories was when I was in 4th grade. She picked me up from school and I told her I wanted Tretorns. She asked what they were and I said I didn't know, but the other girls in school were talking about them. She picked up the phone and called her favorite department store and asked what they were. They were shoes. So we got in the sports car and drove directly there to get a pair with a turquoise swish. Did I mention I was spoiled?

She was President of the WMU at her church many years. And while sometimes, church was just what you did as a Southern Baptist lady, she also had a heart to serve missionaries and pray. She started the prayer ministry at her church and supported my grandfather as he served as deacon and in the media ministry. She worked hard.

She was diagnosed in January of 86 when I was in 5th grade and she died one year and two months later during spring break of my 6th grade year. She went down really fast. She took me shopping for back to school clothes in Aug. but by Christmas was confined in a wheel chair. I didn't see her much after that Christmas because it was too painful for me to see her. I do regret that. At the end, she couldn't move at all. But she would ask the ladies from the prayer ministry to bring her the prayer request list and tape it to the wall next to the bed so she could be praying. The day she passed away and my mom came home to tell me, I can still remember where I was standing in our kitchen. And I grabbed a sponge and started cleaning off the counters. I guess I clean when I am grieving? Even though we knew it was coming, I was devastated.

I remember her funeral like it was yesterday. The church was packed. She had touched many lives. Because it was spring break, I had spent much of the week with my friend Ashley while all the adults were taking care of things. And strangely I can remember what Ashley was wearing at the funeral. Isn't that weird? Ash and I had a great week and we were closer friends after that. She helped me grieve and tried to distract me from it all. I remember going back to my grandmothers house after the funeral and it was packed with people who felt sorry for me and pot luck food. And I quickly returned to Ashley's. Very overwhelming.

My grandfather passed away two years ago, and even though he was remarried, he was buried next to my grandmother. And even though I had learned later that she wasn't the easiest to live with, I was glad they were reunited.

I've been trying to decide what she would think about the ice bucket challenge. While I know she would be so grateful for all the money raised that will hopefully find a cure for this horrible thing, I can't decide if she would think the actual bucket of ice water on my head would be funny or improper. She had a little bit of both in her: Southern Baptist grandmother who had bridge parties and set correct tables mixed with a funny lady who drove a sports car with no seat belts and talked too much. That was my Memaw.

Back to School Update

It has been a crazy couple of weeks! I don't think I have ever looked so forward to Labor Day weekend before. I was asking myself the other day when was the last time I was this tired. And I think it was summer before last, during the week of VBS and All Star baseball. But its the good kind of tired, when you are working hard at what God has called you to do. I started my new job mid July and have worked a lot getting fall events ready. Everything started last week, and its all going pretty smoothly with only a few minor kinks, so I can take a breather and get myself into a routine. I still am in awe that God has brought me to my dream job. Its an amazing place to be. Now, my house is a wreck and is currently paying the price for my dream job, but it will get taken care of soon. I've taken spare moments to keep it picked up, but don't look too deep at the bathrooms or dust. The never ending struggle for working moms I suppose.

The boys started school Aug. 7, really early. But we were ready. Summer flew by and we didn't do all that we had thought we would do, but the boys were bored of being home and tired of each other. They were ready for purpose and routine for sure. They are doing really well so far, loving their teachers, making new friends. Coop is much happier in middle school, playing trombone again. Cade is much happier this semester. We knew he wasn't happy last spring, but until you see happy Cade back, we didn't realize how sad he was. And as always, life is a party for sweet Campbell. Cade and Campbell both received the character award for their class this week. Very proud of them.

Sports are starting back. Coop and Cade are both playing soccer, which they haven't played in years. And they are both on select baseball teams, but fall is a little slower baseball wise. Campbell is playing tackle football. Hilarious to see him in his helmet and pads. We'll see if it resembles football at all once they get going. And of course, hubby will help coach whenever he can, and I fill up those water bottles!

Church is still an amazing place to be. We love the worship and teaching each Sunday. Jason's student ministry is busy but life changing. They had a back to school bash this week, and there were 50 decisions made, 10 first time believers! Last Sunday our church had a baptism service at the local reservoir, baptizing 191 people who wanted to identify with Christ. We are so grateful to be in this place, no matter how tired we are. God is good.