Thursday, October 02, 2008

I miss being pregnant...

I miss being pregnant. Not the throwing up, getting kicked in the ribs, not being able to sleep on my stomach, being exhausted parts, but the other parts. I miss that feeling that I had that I was the sole carrier of some huge big secret, that no one else had a part of, that I was carrying an angel. I miss that feeling of anticipation where I wondered what he would look like. I selfishly miss the attention I got when I was pregnant. When I had the baby, people no longer look at me, they look at the baby, which is fine, because I feel ugly. No matter how big I was when I was pregnant, and how much I complained about being big, I secretly felt cute and pretty and special. Don't get me wrong, I love and adore Campbell and he is so precious, and I have no regrets at all. And don't get me wrong, we are done. But there is that sad part of me that its over. I gave most of my maternity clothes away today, minus a few shirts I am still wearing. And as happy as I was to pass them on to my dear friend who needs them more than I do, when she asked if I needed them back, and I said no, I had a sad moment. But I can look in Campbell's beautiful eyes and be thankful that I am holding my angel in my arms.

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