Saturday, June 18, 2011

A Dizzying Experience

UBC's 2011 VBS is in the books. We had almost 1000 people on campus last week, just missing our goal which would have insured our children's minister would have died her hair purple. I think she's ok with not quite making our goal. I was the volunteer preschool director. We had around 200 preschoolers from birth up to kindergarten. We've been working on VBS since February. But if you follow me on facebook and maybe on the VBS blog I was writing, the two weeks before VBS I was so tired and unmotivated and burned out. I felt kind of drugged. I attributed it to allergies or the allergy medicine I was taking, or stress or a mix of the before mentioned things. Regardless, I had not been feeling well. Not to mention both the boys were playing all star baseball (another blog to follow) so we had games every night the week before. Jason and I thought maybe I was dehydrated so for three days I drank all I could stand and still didn't feel better. I was getting worse by the day. I was beginning to have dizzy spells where I had to lay down. So I actually left VBS Monday morning to go the doctor, that's how bad I felt. And no, I'm not pregnant. It turns out I had fluid on my inner ears. Not infected yet, but just fluid sitting there causing all the issues. The PA wrote me a prescription for Dramamine and told me to rest. Right, I'll get right on that. So the rest of the week I would go to church, make sure everyone was situated and find a couch to lie down on. I would go home, feed the boys lunch, and take a long nap, and then go to bed early. My momma came this weekend and did some of her magic on me and I feel so much better! On the mend.

So I've been asking myself why this week, the one week of the year that I work the hardest, would God allow me to get sick and not be myself? I am so thankful for the team of ladies around me that took up my slack without complaint. And I can look back at the week and totally see that each moment where I could have been stressed, God providing something immediately to take the stress away. Every time a volunteer backed out, another one showed up. It was amazing. So I decided today that it was God reminding me of the truth, that He is all that I need. I had committed this week to Him a long time ago, and promised Him that I would leave it at His feet and not take it back. I wanted to depend on Him for everything and not be stressed and anxious as in past years. So maybe He allowed me to be sick because that was all I could do, and He knew I would only fulfill my promise if I was incapacitated. I must still be struggling with that issue in my heart even though in my brain I thought I had made a change. I was so exhausted and cloudy that when an issue came up, all I could do was shake it off, and go for help if I couldn't fix it without a lot of energy. I wasn't stressed at all because I didn't have the energy to be.

I'm also very frustrated with myself because I went to have my time with the Lord today and I realized from looking in my journal I had not spent any serious time with Him the last two weeks. The time I needed Him the most, I didn't take the time to sit at His feet. I did read a scripture really fast in the morning, and pray for strength as I was looking for a couch to lie down on. Maybe that's all I needed to be doing. But I missed spending time with Him. I was so excited to sit down today for more than 3 minutes. It finally rained today, a lot. We've had less than an inch the last four months. I realized just like that rain felt so good, clean and was a fresh start for the dry ground, sitting at His feet today felt the same for me. A fresh start from being busy, tired and dried up. Thank you Father for refreshing rain, in your Creation and in my heart!

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