Pictures of our Shuttle launch trip

These are only a few of the MANY pictures I took. I'll spare you a really long slideshow. But if you want to see more, just ask!

We took a bus tour the day before and spent some more time at the Kennedy Space Center walking around reading the history of space travel. Brilliant people!

We were honored to be invited last minute (its all in who you know) to the night viewing of the shuttle, which I think, was even better than the launch itself. Magical. And we got to see Steve, across a rope, and give Diane a hug.

They tell you numerous times to not take pictures of the launch or you will miss something, but you know me with my camera, but they were right. It happens so fast you do miss out on really taking it all in while taking a picture. But I did it anyway.

And just an added bonus, me and Jason with Chris Tomlin. Again, its all in who you know!

My heart is full...

My heart, my mind and my soul are so full that I'm not sure I can get it all out in writing. I'm not sure words can describe all that God has taught me the past four days... all that He has reminded me of because I so soon forget... all that He has convicted me of because I just the other day told someone I don't get convicted of sin often... all that He has shown me about His great love for me. Its mind boggling. I will save logistics and pictures for another post, but this is just my small attempt to share what God has been piercing my heart with this week.

We were able, finally, to see the launch of Space Shuttle Discovery, STS 133 on Thursday in Florida. Our friend, Steve Lindsey, is the commander. To know someone personally that is being strapped into a bomb is very surreal. I had a stomach ache all week. I couldn't figure out why, but it miraculously went away 20 minutes after the launch. To hug his wife right before she goes to tell him goodbye is very emotional. They are true American heroes in my opinion.

The day before we were able to tour Kennedy Space Center. We did most of it last Nov. when we tried the launch the first time, but this time we did a couple of new things. We saw a 3D IMAX movie about the Hubble telescope. If you ever get the opportunity to see it, please do. I wanted to fall on my knees in worship in the middle of the theater. It shows pictures from the Hubble and describes how big our universe is, way beyond the planets that I learned in school. My mind cannot comprehend how big it is, how God has made all of this, and then placed our earth in the middle of our little galaxy. And then made me. I suppose to some people that might turn them off of God, because how can such a big God care for little me. But it gave me such comfort and strength and encouragement. He did make all of this unbelievable creation and then because He wanted to have a relationship with His creation and wanted us to praise and worship Him out of love, not obligation, He made us in His image. I am a very little dot in the midst of His glorious creation, but He loves me with an unbelievable, lavish love, and wants to be intimate with me. And, how often do I not take advantage of the power of the creator of the universe who wants to work through me?! Why do I try to do things by myself instead of asking God, who created the stars who are millions of light years away, to help me take care of my kids? Did you know our galaxy only has one star, the sun? All the other stars we see are farther out. There are baby stars being birthed, there are mature stars, and then there are stars that are dying. They are all different colors depending on their age. Craziness.

I'm reading One Month to Live, by Kerry Shook. Coincidentally, I read this while on the plane on the way to FL. "In 1995 scientists pointed the Hubble Space Telescope into an empty patch of black space about the size of a grain of sand just above the handle of the Big Dipper. They wanted to test the clarity and range of the Hubble and were shocked when the pictures came back. That little patch of empty space wasn't empty at all. The pictures revealed over a thousand previously unknown galaxies. Scientists now estimate there are more then 125 billion galaxies in the visible universe. Each one of those galaxies contains millions of stars. It's mind-boggling! My little finite mind can't even begin to grasp such magnitude. If this is the size of only what we know of creation, then how much greater must the Creator be? How much power and imagination must He possess in order to craft such beauty, force, and complexity." pg 121.

I came back from the launch in the mood to worship, and last night was able to go to the Chris Tomlin/Louie Giglio concert. It was unbelievable! It gave me the outlet I needed to thank my God for all that He has done in my life. He has saved me from so much. He is my healer, my salvation, my faithful Father. And then Louie spoke about the same stuff that I had been thinking about. He showed a picture of the sun putting out beautiful spurts of gas. He said it was the sun singing praise to its creator in the way it could. He played the sounds that NASA has collected of stars, stars make sounds! And he said it was the stars singing their songs of praise to their Creator. Psalm 148:3 says, "Praise him, sun and moon, praise him, all you shining stars." Read the rest of the Psalm when you get a chance. We are commanded to praise our Creator along with the rest of creation.

And then this morning, Steve preached about Abraham talking to God about saving Soddom. God invited us into a two-way relationship where we can talk to him about our cares. He is sovereign and can do what he wants, but he loves us and wants to hear our hearts. The ultimate Creator wants to hear my heart! He wants me to spend time with Him. He wants me to ask for help and He is ready, willing and able to grace me with His power, strength and wisdom if I will only ask.

Needless to say, it has been a life-changing weekend for me, if I will let it. I pray that a week from now, I'm not back where I have been. I pray that I will spend time with my intimate Creator, thanking Him for all He has done in my life and seeking His help, the power that no one can fathom, and His love I cannot comprehend.

My Quiet Time today...

I started Philippians today. This is what jumped out at me in chapter 1.
9-11 "And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ- to the glory and praise of God."

I always thought the love it was referring to was my love for God. But when I read it in the Message today, I got something totally different out of it.

"... not only love much, but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover's life... making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God."

So I need to learn how to love people! It doesn't come naturally. I have to learn how to love people as individuals, meting them where they are. One size doesn't fit all. People don't need to be loved the same way. I have to use my brain to figure out how best to love each person. And when I love people sincerely, on their terms so they feel and see the love, it makes Jesus attractive to them! I want to be filled with the fruit of righteousness! I want to have a pure heart so that God can work freely in me to help and love people! When I am not seeking righteousness, then I am not loving and serving people with the right attitude, motives or with God's power and strength. No wonder its hard sometimes! My sin and selfishness keep me from being able to love people in God's perfect way. I want to live a lover's life! Help me Lord!

Randomness...

I am getting so into blogging. I'm working on a new blog for my church's VBS, and I'm learning so many new fun things by just wandering around the web asking questions. So I'm ignoring my messy kitchen and not worrying about how I'm going to get it clean for 40 people who are coming over Friday night. I've got all day Friday. This is way more fun!
So what random things can I talk about tonight? I am on day 3 of eating better and walking in the afternoons. The hardest part of my plan is not eating after 8 PM. It is so hard to break that habit! I broke down a few minutes ago and ate half a pop-tart. But I've been doing well other than that. It hasn't helped that Girl Scout cookies arrived at my house today. I put them out in the freezer in the garage, so maybe out of sight out of mind?
I have cut wayyy down on my tv watching. Really, if its not a show that I would DVR, then I don't watch it. I don't keep the tv on for noise anymore. Basically I watch every show that has to do with auctions, like "Auction Kings", "Pawn Stars", "Cash & Cari", "Storage Wars" and "American Pickers". Love all of them. And Jason will watch them with me. And we watch "Survivor" and "American Idol". I am really liking AI. I think the new judges are really fun to watch. We are still a few weeks behind, but we are enjoying it so far. I also watch "Biggest Loser" but my kids have lost interest, so I may drop that one soon. My most favorite show though is "NCIS". I get so excited when USA has a marathon, which is at least once a week. I can do other things while that's on, like folding laundry and blogging, like tonight.
Baseball season is upon us! We made a trip to Academy yesterday. Two batting helmets, two pair of gray baseball pants, and one new pair of cleats later, I think we are supplied. Cooper started practice this week and Cade starts on Saturday. Jason is Cade's coach this year instead of Coop's so we'll see how that goes. I am really excited about baseball, once we get basketball over with. The next 2-3 weeks are really hard when they overlap. We have one or two practices each night. It makes us sit down for dinner together at 4:15. Its hard to get used to, but kind of nice to get that over with. However, it won't help me not want to eat after 8! Maybe that's why I needed half a poptart tonight.

Quick one...

I got my pillow back!! They called yesterday and took my credit card number to ship back to me, and it arrived today. I'm scared to go check my bank account to see how much it cost me. But it was worth it!

Quick verse I read today. "Be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power." Ephesians 6:10. I was having an overwhelming moment about how much there was to do, and God gave me that verse. He has really been talking to me a lot lately about his power. I'll have to blog more about that sometime, but for today, it gave me peace to know that in HIS power, I can do all things, like laundry, dishes, clean up for a party this weekend, go grocery shopping, etc. Certainly not my own power, because I had none today. Of course, its all in perspective. Right now I'm wasting time on here, but not really caring about how messy the house is. Different time of day I guess. It will all still be here tomorrow!

My fun weekend!

I had a great weekend, full of fellowship and rest and time away from my sweet kids. I found out this weekend that I am a "Critical Cathy", so I will do my best to leave out the negative, critical parts, and only tell you the good parts!

Thursday afternoon I drove over to the middle of nowhere with my friend Robin for a ladies retreat. Robin is actually Jason's assistant, and she is the best! I told my mom in front of the boys that Robin is Jason's second wife. That didn't go over well with Cooper. Kind of freaked him out! But she really does bring sanity into our home. I am so thankful for her, so it was great to spend some time together on our trip up. We only got lost once!

Throughout the weekend, I laughed until I cried, read God's love letter to me, and prayed out by a lake. It was really cold most of the weekend, but the last morning I was determined to spend some time outside, so I found myself a nice bench next the lake and curled up with my Bible and read and prayed. I noticed that I wasn't cold at all, really cozy and warm. I supposed that it was warming up outside. But when I was done and got up to go the conference center, I realized that indeed, it was still really cold! I think God was keeping me warm so I could enjoy his creation. Sweet moment. I had a vicious game of spoons with some sweet ladies, except for the one who left me bleeding when she went for a spoon. (Love ya anyway MM). I drank way too much hot chocolate. And reconnected with an old friend and made a new one at the same time. (Need some sandpaper ladies?)

I left early on Saturday from the retreat and went to Bryan to meet my husband who was officiating a wedding for our friends Kylie and Melissa. Weddings just put me in a romantic, reminiscing mood. We had a good time celebrating their new life together. Then we went to see a movie, an actual adult movie. I made a moral decision a number of years ago to never see Rated R movies, I have just never enjoyed one and it always left bad things in my head that I wished I could take out. But because of some good reviews from some very Godly people whose opinions I take very seriously, we went and saw The King's Speech. I highly recommend it! It was excellent! I wish the one scene that makes it R wasn't in there so my kids could see it because it teaches so many lessons about friendship, determination and courage.

This morning, we slept late. Yes, today was Sunday, and we slept late, and ate breakfast and went shopping at an outlet mall. I love that I am married to a pastor, I love worshipping and serving in a church, but sometimes, you just need a break, and we took it! And then we came home. I feel so good and rested and ready to start the week. I am ignoring the dirty dishes and clothes. They will be there tomorrow. I made lunches and I am going to bed to start fresh tomorrow.

A BIG thank you to my mom for keeping the boys for us. I love grandparents! The biggest downer of the weekend was that I left my pillow at the hotel in Bryan. They assure me they are looking for it, but I am not hopeful. I'll keep you posted on that. I can always go to IKEA to get a new pillow, but I can't replace the pillowcase that matches my sheets. That's what I get for wanting to sleep on my own pillow!

Birthdays of the past...

I was reminiscing this weekend about some of my favorite and least favorite birthdays in my life, and thought I would share. Many of you may remember them too. I remember some McDonald's birthdays and a few at a park. There wasn't much to choose from back then. I remember having one at my grandmother's house. All my friends dressed up nice, and we had a fancy lunch and played Shanghai. Middle school was all about slumber parties. I remember one where the girls got to playing "Truth or Dare" and somehow someone ended up outside in their underwear. I was so mad I went to bed. It wasn't me, I was just embarrassed to have my friends acting like that. My neighbors across the street did call my parents the next day.

My least favorite birthday was freshman year in high school. Another friend's birthday was the same time, its actually today, and she had her party the same time as mine. We weren't really friends then, just acquaintances really. So, out of 15 or so people I invited, 2 showed up. Nobody was brave enough to RSVP. Really humiliating as a 15 year old teenage girl. She and I became better friends later, and I would like to think that wouldn't have happened again. We would probably love to share a party now that we are 36. :)

My favorite party was my Senior year. My best friend Jeanette threw me a surprise party at the Teddy Bear restaurant. For those of you not from Shreveport in the early 90's, we had the best restaurant, literally covered in Teddy Bears. Don't remember the food, but it was one of our favorite hang outs. Jeanette's daddy had a heart attack the Sunday before, and so she had to pass on the party to some other friends, so it started to seem a little fishy to me. I kind of had the idea there would be more girls there, but when I arrived, there was a huge table of my friends, guys and girls. I felt sooo good! Would you believe, not one picture that I know of. No one thought to bring a camera I guess. I also remember Adam and Gabe gave me a rose. Looking back, I know how cheap that was for them, but it meant so much to me! And my boyfriend at the time had made me mad that he wouldn't skip swim practice for my birthday, but there he was at the party. I felt really bad for being mad at him.

The next year's birthday at college was really good too! A bunch of my new friends took me to eat in Longview at Papasitos. My dear sweet mates gave me like 10 pounds of M&M's, one of my favorite things. And while at the restaurant, instead of singing to me in the privacy of the party room we were in, some guy picked me up, dragged me out to the main restaurant, and made me stand at the top of the balcony, while the whole restaurant below sang to me. That's one of those things that on the outside, is SOOO embarrassing, but secretly, its kind of fun.

I love when I worked at New Life Ministries, because when you came in on your birthday, someone had decorated your desk with balloons and streamers and cards!

My 30th wasn't great. It started out great, with my sweet friend Kim making me a sign that all the parents at church who were dropping kids off for PNO saw. I got the night off of work at PNO, and we went out to eat with 3 couples. I was having a really good time when my mom called and said one of the boys was throwing up and I had to come home. So, it didn't end great. I was telling my friend Tracy about that night a year or so later, and the next time we had dinner at their house, she made me a birthday cake to make up for that awful night. I don't even think it was my birthday. And last year, Christina made me a cactus cake. I love cake!

Those are the ones that stick out to me. Looking back, it obviously wasn't about the presents, because I don't remember any, except chocolate and cake. Its about the friends who took time to make me feel special. Thank you to all the friends in my life who did something to make one of my birthdays so memerable!

Quick addition to my birthday...

I wanted you to see my beautiful tulips that have opened up. I love them.

I also forgot a funny part of the day. While I was "sleeping late" I was listening to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and coincidentally, it was Minnie's birthday, and her friends were throwing her a surprise party. I tried to live vicariously through her. Daisy made her a cake that after 15 minutes in the oven came out fully iced. I imagined they were doing the hot dog dance in my honor. And then Choo Choo Soul with Genevieve sang a birthday song, so again, it was in my honor. Then I went back to sleep with a smile on my face!

My Birthday...

Needless to say, it was a strange one. We've known since Tuesday that we would probably have a snow day, so I was preparing myself for having everyone home on a day I would really prefer to have all to myself. At least we would have snow to play in, a really cool birthday gift I thought. At 1:00 on Thursday afternoon we got the call about no school, but as the evening wore on, every weather forecast changed to a lesser chance of snow, and we woke up to a minuscule layer of ice. Very disappointing! That's what happens in Houston I suppose.

Hubby let me "sleep" until 9:30, the best gift ever. I put it in quotes because the sweet baby didn't understand that plan, and kept barging in asking for things. He didn't know that Daddy could get snack and juice. That's mommy's job. I finally got up and made cinnamon rolls for breakfast and went back to bed! I finally got dressed before lunch and made more breakfast foods for lunch. Chocolate chip pancakes and a breakfast casserole with some yummy venison sausage a sweet family gave Jason this week. Really good! Then the little two went down for a 3 hour nap! And J took Coop out for some errands. So I sat on my tush and caught up on my DVR tv. Another fabulous gift.

My next door neighbors brought me a balloon and some tulips! I think that was the sweetest thing ever! Then J and Coop brought me some more tulips of a different color, so I have the most beautiful arrangement of tulips. I made red beans and rice for dinner, and we played some Wii bowling. You would think they would let the birthday girl win, but I don't think that is even a remote thought for my hubby. And I made myself the ugliest birthday cake you have ever seen, but it is triple chocolate with chocolate icing, so I don't really care what it looks like. And that is about it. Kind of quiet and boring, but I know I should treasure days like that. And as disappointing as the no snow was, I know I should be thankful that we haven't been house bound for 4 days like my Dallas friends.

The best part about birthdays these years is Facebook! I love having so many people in different parts of my life wish me Happy Birthday! J almost ruined it though. He pointed out that you can have your fb automatically wish everyone a happy one on their birthdays, so probably most of the people didn't even really write it. He's quite a downer isn't he? But I am choosing to believe that everyone really knew and acknowledged me. I am going to try to thank everyone personally because I like it when people thank me, but it may take a while.

All in all, it was a good day. I have my health, 3 beautiful children and husband, a nice, yet dirty, home, tulips and a chocolate cake! What could be better?

Lying

I'm sure Cooper would be embarrassed if he knew I was posting this, but that's what happens when God gave him me as a mom. He got caught lying this morning. A minor thing he lied about, but of course that wasn't the issue. So when he got home we had a sit down which ended in tears, which means it was a success, although I was pretty close to tears too. And his discipline was to write a one page essay on lying which had to include two Bible verses on the subject, pretty ingenious if I do say so myself. I helped him by showing him "lie" and other forms of the word in the concordance in my Bible. And this is what he read to Jason and me an hour later, with his own spelling.

Dear Mom and Dad, I know what I have done was bad. Colossians 3:9 says, "Do not lie to each other since you have taken off your old self with its practices." I think that means that you don't lie to each other and if you practice not doing it then you won't do it as much and it will be like you have taken off your old self and put on your new self.
Isaiah 11:6 says, "The wolf will live with the lamb, the leopard will lie down with the goat, the calf and the lion and the yearling together." At first I had no clue what this ment. But when I thought about it I thought that maybe since all the animal pairs were oppisite, like one would be a calm animal and the other would be a frightening animal to us maybe it ment that if you don't lie, you will get along better with other people.

At this point, after first looking at each other with a questioning look, Jason and I could not hold in the laughter. We really tried, I promise. We realized that "lie" has more than one meaning and we assumed Coop would have realized that, but no. He did somehow get something out of it though. So we praised him for the first part, and went to eat dinner, and then I looked up a verse for him. I told him to read Proverbs 6:16-19, but just to include verse 17 in his essay. And here is the rest for your reading pleasure.

Proverbs 6:17 says, "Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood." I think that means if you have haughty eyes and a lying tongue you will shed innocent blood. So if you do that your entire life you won't go to heaven.
And last but not least I hope you will forgive me and I will try not to do it again. I am sorry. Your son, Cooper

I asked him what the verse before that one said. He didn't remember. "There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him..." We had to have a talk about that not only did the lying hurt my heart, but it hurt God's heart. God hates lying. I think he got it. So the last step was to go to his room and pray and ask God to forgive him. He said he felt better afterwards. So I'm not sure that it all worked out in the way I imagined. He didn't fall to his knees in repentance and beg forgiveness for crushing me, or beg God to forgive his sinful heart. But I think he got the point. There were true remorseful tears at one point, so I think it resonated somewhere in that sweet boy. I know he's not a believer yet, so I can't expect him to act like one. Hopefully he learned a lesson about the truth, and God's love for him. In retrospect I can think of so many wise, spirit-filled things I should have said. But that's why I need to be prayed up before these things hit, so I'll be prepared, and I wasn't. A lesson for me too!

NASA

Twenty-five years ago today, the Space Shuttle Challenger blew up on lift off. I was in fifth grade, had just come back from recess or lunch or somewhere, and our teacher told us. I was sad, I seem to remember, but didn't grasp it really. Well, 25 years later, living five minutes from Johnson Space Center, I grasp it. I don't admit it much around here, but before we moved here, I really didn't get space exploration. When there are homeless and hungry people, why are we spending money on space? But now that I have gotten to know so many people who have dedicated their lives to exploring God's creation and who make so many amazing, important, scientific discoveries, I am in awe, and very grateful for their sacrifices.

In November, Jason and I joined a caravan of people headed to Kennedy Space Center in Florida to watch the launch of STS 133. Steve Lindsay, commander, is a friend of ours. We were honored to be invited by his family to watch and be there to support his sweet wife Diane. We were able to tour Kennedy and then waited around as the launch kept getting postponed until we returned home. Right now its scheduled for sometime between Feb. 24th and March 6th. I'm not sure that I will be able to go this next time, but we'll see. But touring Kennedy gave me even more of an admiration for the astronauts. I have toured JSC here and was amazed then, but there is a ride at Kennedy that makes you feel like you are in the shuttle. I realized how there is NO way you would ever get me on the real thing. And it reminded me how dangerous their job is.

As we were walking around, we saw this really long line of people waiting for something. We asked someone what they were waiting on. They were waiting to pay $10 to get an autograph of a retired astronaut! We had to laugh. We were about to go meet our friend Shane, an astronaut, for dinner. We wondered what he would do if we sold tickets to eat dinner with him. He didn't think it was funny. But it reminded us how they are heroes, and we take that for granted down here. Shane has told us the process for applying and being accepted. They are truly the cream of the crop.

Here are some pictures of the memorial at Kennedy for fallen astronauts. I didn't realize how many there were. Many have died while training in airplanes as many are pilots before they go to work for NASA. I was thinking about the memorial site today. Its amazing when you go visit how you can be talking and joking and when you turn the corner to see it, everyone falls silent. Its a sad yet awe-inspiring place.





If you could please be praying for my friends down here who work for NASA. Probably half of our church works there, and now that I live and work among these people, I admire them all so much for their sacrifices. Many are living day to day now waiting to see if they will still have a job. It is stressful. They have chosen to serve their country in this way, and I am honored to know so many of them. It is not just the astronauts, but their families, and the people who design and build the machines, who watch the weather, who watch the space debris, who design the suits, who plan and design the experiments, who make the food and the nuts and bolts. Every little part is important, as we have seen. They are all heroes in my opinion. And I honor them today.

What I read today...

I actually had someone say today that they went to read my blog last night and there wasn't a new post. Made me feel good. Yes, I missed last night. But I had made it over a week. Really busy night with a dinner out, basketball practice, and then a virus attacked my computer, and by the time I got done with the Norton people, it was after 10, and my brain had already gone to bed. I really am close to that now. But I wanted to write something. So here is what I read today. It really needs no commentary from me, except to say, AMEN!!! And thank you Jesus!

"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions- it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:4-10

OK, a little commentary. Only to point out the really good parts! His great love, rich in mercy, by grace, incomparable riches of his grace, kindness to us, GRACE, through faith, not by works. Its not about me!! Thank goodness! Its His incomparable, merciful, kindness, love and grace that saved me! Let that rest in your spirit. Its not about what you've done or not done. Its just his love and grace!

Love Yourself or Deny Yourself?

In One Month to Live by Chris and Kerry Shook, Day 5 talks about loving yourself, based on Matthew 22:39, "Love your neighbor as yourself." They talk about taking time for yourself, taking care of yourself emotionally, relationally and physically. That's where they get personal. I know I should be exercising, I get it.
Anyway, we were talking in my class Sunday morning about how hard it is for women to take time for themselves. We either don't even try to make time, or if we do, we feel guilty about it. And then Jason mentioned how it seems contradictory to read that and a few chapters earlier, Jesus talks about denying ourselves. Matthew 16:24-26, "Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" I didn't think much about it at the time. But today, when I was trying to have a few moments to myself with my Bible, I just couldn't get into Ephesians(probably because there were 3 screaming boys and a bouncing basketball going on around me). So I read a few chapters in Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl, by Lysa Terkeurst. She's good, but she's not Paul. And in chapter 14, she talked about the exact same thing, almost like she had been in our class. So I had to camp out on those passages for a little bit.
Lysa says the point of those two verses is not to focus on ourselves at all, but to "make peace with who we are so that feelings of insecurity don't become a distraction to living our faith out loud." (pg 166). I agree with that sentiment, but I'm not sure that's what the scripture is talking about. My Life Application Bible said this about Matt. 16:25. "If we protect ourselves from pain, we begin to die spiritually and emotionally. Our lives turn inward, and we lose our intended purpose. When we give our lives in service to Christ, however, we discover the real purpose of living." (my italics)
And then I pulled out my Message Bible. I know it is not a real translation, but sometimes it helps me to get some clarity. Matt. 16:24-26 says, "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat; I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self."
When I put all that together, it made more sense. We do need to love others as we love ourselves, which does tell us that we need to love ourselves. But I think that means that we need to take care of ourselves in such a way that when God calls us to help others, which should be daily, we are physically, emotionally, and spiritually ready to serve. It means finding out who we are but not being inwardly focused. We need to be self-sacrificing when it comes to obedience to Christ, but also be willing to ask for help so that we are not burned out and worn out when its time to really do the jobs God has called us to. I think as a mom sometimes, I don't ask for help, and I continually work at things that may not be all that important in the eternal aspect of life (clean house, laundry, etc.) And then when opportunities arise to serve people, even playing with my children, I am too busy or too tired. I need to take care of myself, and then I will be ready to take care of others with God's strength in me.
When I was in Seminary, one of my favorite professors, Dr. Karen Bullock in Church History, said something I will never forget. She said sometimes she goes to get ice cream, and will not get her favorite flavor as an exercise in denying self. I tried that once. It actually was painful to not get what I really wanted. I still got ice cream so who am I kidding. It wasn't that bad. But it is a reminder sometimes that the little things in life we stress over and think are important to us, in the grand scheme of God's plan are very unimportant. He has great plans for us, bigger than we could ever imagine. And how much of His plan for me am I missing out on because I'm either stressed, tired, lazy or selfish? Loving myself and denying myself. Its a fine line! But an important one to consider. Thoughts?

Grocery Shopping, Menu Making, Coupon Cutting

I feel like I have miles to go to get most of my home organized, but one thing I do feel confident in is grocery shopping. Since I just went through my process tonight, I thought I would share.

Years ago I made a master list of groceries I buy on a regular basis divided up by sections in my Walmart. If you want a copy, let me know and I will email it to you. So once a month, I print one out, and first check off the things I know off the top of my head we are out of. A few months ago I made a master list of meals that I know my family enjoys and I don't mind cooking. So I make a list of about 15-20 meals, depending on how our month looks, and write those down on a piece of paper. I flip the page over and make a list of all the ingredients I will need to make those meals. And then go through my kitchen to see if I have them and add what I need to my list. A friend I had lunch with yesterday was making fun of someone who has her menu set for the whole month. I do not have meals assigned to different days, just a list of meals that I know I have the ingredients for.

I do use and love coupons. I watched this show on TLC a few weeks ago about mega coupon users, and those people are crazy. That is a full time job for them. They are digging through trash cans and begging neighbors for their coupons and have binders. That is not me. Once or twice a month, I go to www.grocerysmarts.com. That is the best website I have found for coupons. It has all of the major sites listed on their site, and its really easy to navigate and get what you want. So I print those off, and add some of that to my list. Than I make one more run through the house to double check my list and ask my family if there is anything they need, and I am done. It takes me an hour or two, but I do it over a few days before my big trip, most the night before so my list is fresh in my brain. I would say I buy 75% of my groceries once a month. Then I only have to go once a week or less to buy a few little things to get us through the month. I can handle that with my kids. I have to make my big trip by myself. Some months I have to do two carts. So I do all the nonperishable things, check out, load my car, and then go back for the perishable. I haven't had to do that in awhile. I'm not sure why. And I make my big trip to Walmart. I don't know why so many people complain. They are the cheapest. If you go on a weekday morning, it's really quiet. I make my smaller trips to Randalls or Kroger.

So that's what I do. To even get more organized, my momma just bought me a recipe saver book, so I can transfer all my favorite recipes into one book instead of this big stack of cookbooks. I'm not sure when I'll have time to do it, but we'll get there sometime.

I can't believe Jason still married me...

I told you yesterday about playing intramural softball in college, and how that could be another post altogether. So I might as well get it over with and humiliate myself on the world wide web.

I met Jason officially Spring Break of my sophomore year, and we started dating soon after. He was the Intramural director for ETBU, and he could tell, correctly, that I had no athletic ability. So our first date he took me to Olive Garden and the batting cages. I should have known then what the rest of my life would entail. Boy that seems like a lifetime ago.

Anyway, he had to umpire the softball games. And what little talent I had presented itself in the pitcher position. Well, can you imagine getting up to pitch, and the new guy you are dating, who is really attractive might I add, is standing behind the batter calling your pitches? Yeah, it didn't work. I told him he couldn't call home plate anymore. So the next game he calls second base. Almost worse. I'm trying to pitch knowing the cute guy is watching me from behind. I banned him from calling any of my games. Looking back now, I can't believe he really went with that.

Here's the humiliating part. When the season started, Jason told me I needed to buy myself some cleats. I refused to spend money on cleats for one intramural season. I should have listened. Just like in middle school when I couldn't hit the ball, in college, I still could not hit the ball. But one day, I get up to bat, and miracle of all miracles, I make contact and the ball soars into the sky. Ok, really, it was a very short pop fly to 2nd base, but still it went. So in my shock, I start running. Did I mention that it had rained the day before and the ground was really wet and muddy? And did I mention that my cute new boyfriend wasn't calling the game, but still was there watching? Oh yeah, and I don't have on cleats. So what happens? Splat! I slip and land face first in the mud before I get to first. I somehow was able to get up and join everyone else who was laughing at me. And I did get out of course. I don't know how the second baseman was able to throw to first as hard as she was laughing. Again, looking back, I can't believe that didn't end it for me with Jason on the spot. He must have really liked me! And he knew what he was getting into!

P.S.

I forgot to say thank you to all the sweet ladies who sent me messages about my blog and told me I'm not crazy. Its nice to get feed back sometimes, especially when I doubted myself. Of course, all the messages were on facebook, so the rest of you will just have to believe me that there really were messages and I am indeed, not crazy. At least today.

Competition

We are in the midst of basketball season at our house. Cade is playing Upward at Friendswood United Methodist and Cooper is playing for Clear Lake Boys Basketball. Every year since we started playing all these sports I have suggested we skip basketball season to give us a small break between whatever fall sport we have played and baseball, which starts in February. February is awful because basketball and baseball's 4 practices a week overlap. We are never home. But no one has ever taken my suggestion seriously. What? Not play a sport when there is one offered? My sweet hubby tries to convince me that basketball is really the most important as far as building hand eye coordination. Whatever. He played it in high school, so I think it just has a special place in his heart.

I have decided today that I really just don't like basketball. Its no longer just about the crazy month of February. I really don't like it. Cade's league doesn't keep score, and 6 year olds are really still learning the game. So his games are kind of boring. Just a group of kids running up and down the court, randomly throwing the ball in the general direction of the goal. But this year, Cooper's league is keeping score, and we are serious! But I don't like it either! The intensity over a bunch of 9 year olds with an orange ball is crazy. The yelling, and then it echoes in the gym to turn into a big wad of just noise. And its amazing how much their skills have improved in the last year. But they are still a bunch of kids running up and down the court, only now they make goals more often. But they also plow each other down, and it appears they foul each other on purpose. I am assured they are not. Its a broken arm waiting to happen in my opinion.

I am just not competitive. I can't stand the pressure! I hate it for my kids. I know they are learning so much and it helps to grow them into stronger, braver young men who can work as a team. I just can't get into it. Don't get me wrong. I love baseball season. Its slower. And I really enjoyed football more than I thought I would. There are pads. It doesn't help that I am not athletic. In middle school, I tried out for track because all the cool kids were doing it. I realized before the tryouts were over that not only was I not a fast runner, I didn't want to be. So I was the track team manager for 3 years. Give me a clipboard and timer and I'm good. In 6th grade, on one report card, I had all A's and a B in PE because I couldn't hit the ball in softball. In high school, I was in pep squad strictly so I could not be in the regular gym class. In college I played one season of intramural softball. I'll have to blog about that another time. Let's just say, I was proud I made it through one season. I'm just not competitive and don't want to be. But I have 3 boys and look who I'm married to! I'm going to have to toughen up somehow. I don't want to be one of "those mom's", but I've got to get more into this. I am looking for a baseball mom shirt and considering some baseball flip flops. Small steps.

I'm cheating...

I've had a really cruddy day today, and don't feel like writing anything fun. And I have had doubts about my blog from last night. Thinking maybe it was TMI and I made myself sound crazy. So, I'm going to cheat today and put someone else's blog on here. Lysa Terkeurst is my new favorite Christian writer, and I get her blog by email. I highly recommend it. I also am reading her book, "Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl" off and on. So here is her blog from the other day that I just read today and made me feel better about my rantings from last night.

Well Pleased
Last night my soul was so stirred by something Pastor Steven shared on the webcast. He was talking about how our identity must come before our activity.

As he read the Scriptures, my heart finally settled into place. A good place. A place without webcast stress, a racing pulse, turning stomach, and whispered fears. A quiet place. A place deep in my soul where just me and Jesus go. And though it was Pastor Steven’s voice reading the Scripture, it was God Himself breathing sustenance to my spirit.

“This is my Son, whom I love; with whom I am well pleased,” (Matthew 3:17).

This was Jesus’ identity being established before His activity was to be executed.

Oh how we need this. But we’re not Jesus. Jesus heard God, believed God, and remained filled.

Our humanity makes us leaky people. Truth comes in and fills us up but our cracks and crevices and circumstances are like drains pulling the truth out and leaving a hollowness that can haunt. Daily, hourly, moment by moment we must stand in the reality of our identity before we resume our activity.

Pause.

Hear the sweet whisper today. Grasp the truth and rub it deep. Let it sink in quickly and resist the drain of the day’s pull.

“You are my daughter, whom I love; with whom I am well pleased.”

Well pleased because of who you are, not what you do. Well pleased because of an unfathomable, unconditional love- not earned but simply given. Well pleased. Well pleased. Well pleased.

And isn’t it interesting right after we read these words at the end of Matthew 3, Matthew 4 starts off with Jesus being tempted. But if we know our identity before we jump into activity, we don’t have to guess how to handle the vicious lies of the enemy.

It is written. It is written. It is written. Jesus didn’t engage the enemy. He deflected the lies with the truth. Because His identity was established before His activity was executed- I am loved. I am accepted. I don’t need more to be whole. I don’t need to displace God with inappropriate physical pleasure. I don’t need to displace God with trying to get something from my material wealth it can’t ever give me. I don’t need to displace God because I crave the acceptance of others. I am loved. I am accepted. I am whole.

It is written. It is written. It is written.

Oh that the ink on the paper fine pages of Truth, be inscribed, engraved, tattooed in the most permanent of ways on our hearts.

Well pleased.

It is written.

Well pleased.

Well pleased.



Isn't she good? Here is her website so you can subscribe to her email blogs. http://lysaterkeurst.com/
Its amazing how when I'm struggling with something, I open up her emails, and it speaks right to my heart.

A problem to ponder...

Let me preface this post by saying that I am NOT fishing for compliments. I am only sharing my feelings and hoping that someone comments that they understand or feel or have felt the same way. That is my disclaimer.

A few weeks ago I went looking for a picture of a friend of mine from high school to post on his birthday (thanks Gabe for bringing all this up). And while I was trying to find his picture, I perused my photo albums from high school that I hadn't looked at in a long time. And I was struck with something profound. Are you ready?

When I think back to high school, I do have fond memories, but over all, think of it as a very depressing, stressful, not fun time. I remember feeling ugly, lonely, struggled with not having a boyfriend or getting asked to dances. I remember dealing with all the teenage girl stuff of trying to be popular, but as a Christian, knowing that wasn't important. But looking at my photo album, I realized I was pretty cute, and I had a great smile, and was smiling in my pictures really big, like I was having the best time of my life! My mom always told me I was pretty, but that didn't count. Don't get me wrong. Seventh grade, that was another story. I was ugly then. But high school, I really wasn't that bad. And I had tons of pictures with tons of friends. So why do I think back to that time in my life as depressing and ugly and lonely?

And now, I'm almost 36, and still struggle with my self-confidence. I still think I'm ugly, even more now with an extra 20 pounds and stretch-marks that my 3 sweet gifts have left me. I still struggle with thinking I don't have a lot of friends. I know who I could call in the middle of the night and that gives me great comfort. But its so hard to actually do things with friends when you have kids and jobs and husbands, so I still feel friendless sometimes. And now, as a mom and wife, struggle with not feeling like I can keep up with this house and laundry and my job, and still do the work I need to do with my relationships with my husband and children and God. And I struggle with wanting to dress cuter, but not wanting to be high maintenance or spending more than I need to on myself.

As a believer, I know that God has made me in His image with a great plan for my life. And most days I feel like I am right in the middle of it, and that brings me joy. But years from now will I look back at pictures of myself from these days and think the same things, that I really was cute, and happy and content, and yet remember these days as hard and ugly and stressful and lonely? Is this just something that women all deal with? No matter what we look like or how many friends we have, we are destined to feel lonely and ugly? I don't know if this makes any sense at all. I tried to talk to my sweet husband about it, but I don't think he could follow my train of thought. And when you ask your husband about how you look, its kind of a trap. Was I ugly then or am I ugly now? Yeah, he's not going to enter into that conversation.

So, what's the answer to the question that I really haven't posted clearly? I don't know. I do know that I am so blessed with my husband, children, home, and job. I am blessed with enough money to buy the clothes I need, to get haircuts when I need them, and to spend the time at home that I need to. I do know I need to stop sometimes with the worrying about getting things done and just sit down with my kids and make memories. I want to look back at pictures of myself from these days and smile at how happy I look. I want to be at peace with myself. Something to ponder. Of course, there aren't that many pictures of me! I take them all. Another problem of being a mom I guess!

My favorite things...

I haven't done this in a while. And these aren't really new favorite things, just updated recently to make them rise back up on my favorites list.

1. Coffee. I have been drinking coffee since college, some years more than others. But in October, while home visiting my mom, her best friend gave me her Kuerig coffee maker. I almost passed out. I had been wanting one badly, but wasn't going to spend the money. So I brought it home and it wouldn't work. After 2 days on the phone with Keurig, they sent me a brand new one. God blesses my coffee habit. So to balance out the cost of my coffee pods, I don't drink Starbucks anymore. And I have recently started buying flavored creamers because I have found some with no corn syrup. So now I drink 3-4 cups a day instead of the 1 I used to. Its a bad addiction that I really need to slow down on. I drank tea today to try to substitute. I wish I told as many people about Jesus as I do about my Keurig coffee maker. I have converted 2 people that I know of.



2. My bed. If you ask me my favorite place on earth, I will say "my bed." Especially the hours between when my kids go to bed and I actually go to sleep and Sunday afternoons. Scotland is next and then Disney World. At Thanksgiving I got a new comforter and a few weeks ago I bought myself a new pillow at Ikea. So now I love my bed even more. So soft, fluffy, comfy and warm. I want to go there right now.



3. Footy pajamas. Poor Campbell doesn't get many new clothes. Lots of hand me downs. But every once in a while I pull out something and after two boys, it is way out of shape. And since he moved into his big boy bed, he refuses to cover up with the sheet and comforter, just his blanket. So last week I stopped by Carters, and bought two pair of footy pajamas. $4.54 each, may I add. I was tempted to buy more, but I do live in Houston. When I held up the 2T, I thought there was no way it would fit him. It had to be way too big. But sadly, no. It fits perfectly. And he is just so cute when he wears them that you just want to pick him up and cuddle with him in his bed. But I think I would break his little toddler bed if I crawled in with him. So I will go to my bed. I bet my bed would be even better if I had adult sized footy pajamas!