Bravery or stupidity?

Two weeks ago I went with our Collide young adults on a retreat. My mom kept the boys, so I had a wonderful time hanging out with adults and not cutting up meat, or sharing my food, or tucking in 3 kids at night. On Saturday, Jason came back for one of Cade's baseball games, and I decided since there will be many baseball games in my future to stay at the retreat and try something new. Thirteen of us went to do the "high ropes." Now I have seen ropes courses before, but never had the opportunity to try it, usually because I wasn't going to pay extra to do it. But I thought I would give it a try.
We walk out there and I look up, WAY UP, and just stare for a bit. Someone asked me what the look was on my face, and I said, "I'm not really sure if I'm afraid of heights or not." So we all get harnessed up and get directions. There are three ways to choose from to get to this platform up in this tree which you then take a zip line off of. One way is a short section where you walk sideways on a "rope", really a steel chord, while holding on to a horizontal rope above you. Another way is a bridge, only the sections of the bridge are separated and move, so you might have to jump from one section to another, or move them together with your feet or walk on the ropes to get to them. The last way was two sections long, one was a huge log at a 45 degree angle that you walk across, and then walk across a rope while grabbing on to vertical ropes hanging down. So people start climbing the poles to do one of the first two ways, but no one is going to the third way, and the camp staffer at that one says he doesn't understand why no one is coming there because its not that bad. Somewhere in my brain, that translates to, "this way is really much easier than it looks, its no problem." So my brave, confident self heads over to the third way, and with much enthusiasm, I say "I'll do it!" as if I have not a care in the world.
I get hooked up to the ropes, and head up the pole to get to the log. As I'm climbing up, I think to myself, "is this the smartest thing I've ever done? Well, no, self, but you can do it! You can do anything you set your mind to!"



As I get to the log, I have to swing myself around the pole to stand on top of the log, and at that point, I realize something about myself. I am indeed afraid of heights! I am not a good judge of distance, so I have no idea how high it is, but let me tell you that when you are standing up there, its REALLY HIGH! I'm supposed to just walk across the log, no problem. But my feet start shaking, I grab on to the rope that is attached to me, but the camp staffer says that's really not going to help, and the easiest way is to walk fast. I bet he's never done it! At this point I am freaking out!



I start walking a very small step at a time, not really a step, more of a scoot. I cannot pick up my feet. I am petrified. I get about halfway across and think, if I don't get off of this log, I am going to pass out or throw up.



So let's try the going fast thing to get it over with. MISTAKE! After a few steps, I fall off! As I'm falling I grab on to the log! And hang on for dear life. Now I know that I'm safe, the staffer guy has me on his rope, and I'm not going to die. At this point though, I think, if I let him drop me off, I'm not getting back up again, but I am not a quitter! So now what. I try to pull myself back up, but I have no arm strength. So I'm just hanging there, upside down on the log. (Whoever had my camera for some reason did not get a picture of this, which I believe, would have been the best picture of the whole thing) About that time, sweet Amy Jennings, yells from the ground, "YOU GAVE BIRTH TO THREE CHILDREN! YOU CAN DO THIS!" And I think, "YES I DID! AND YES I CAN!" And somehow, I swing my legs back up on top of the log. I don't know how I did it. The inner strength of a mom I suppose!



Now I'm really thinking, now what? The staffer says, "just stand up." Again, have you actually done this? So I sit for awhile, and he finally says he's going to pull up on the rope, so I hang on, and stand up. And walk, scoot myself to the middle pole, and grab on for all that I am. I made it!!!
Then I have to do the second section. I did think for a minute that I could ask to be let down, and be done, but I am not a quitter. People were cheering for me, and even though I know they would have understood, I would have been disappointed in myself and embarrassed. I was determined. So I move around to the other side of the pole, only to realize that the first rope you have to grab to start going across the rope, is just out of reach. You cannot hold on to the pole with your right hand and grab the rope with your left. You have to let go of the pole!!!!



My feet start shaking again, and I reach as far left as I can, while holding on the pole as long as possible. I asked Amy to count to 3 so I would let go at 3, but that didn't work. At some point, apparently something took over my body, and I just lunged for it. I don't remember making the decision to do it. I almost fell off at that point, but I hung on, and from then on I focused on a tree across the way, and went from rope to rope.



Everyone says my eyes were closed for part of it, and maybe they were, I honestly don't remember. I just wanted it over as fast as possible! And when I made it to the other pole, I just felt the biggest relief ever! And I held on to that pole with everything I had. Everyone was cheering for me and clapping. It was a great moment.



And then, the zip line. Everyone who had gone on the zip line up to that point, which was a few since I had taken so long, said it was the best part, so much fun. But as I sat down on the platform, I realized I really did not want to do this part. You are basically free falling, and I hate that! That's why I don't ride roller coasters. I told the staffer on the platform she was going to have to push me off, and she said she would scoot me off.



So she counted down, and I think scooted me off. And I thought I was going to die! I hated that part. I think I was tearing up as I flew down the zip line. Luckily it was a short one.



As I came back on it, another staffer held up a rope I was supposed to grab to stop myself, and I must have looked really bad, because he asked if I was going to be able to grab the rope. Somehow I did, and he helped me down. I was shaking and trying not to cry, pale, and dizzy. But I had done it! Accomplished something that I can now say I have done and won't do again, more than likely.
Everyone was saying how proud of me they were, how brave I was. The other staffers had told them that was the hardest option (thanks!). A few people did it after me and said how hard it was and they were amazed how well I did. On and on. I just wanted a nap and a shower!
I have been pondering that experience for a while now. I am frustrated at myself for making the log so hard. I wish I had closed my eyes and pictured myself as an Olympic gymnast on a balance beam and just done it. I realized I never prayed, other than "Oh God, Oh God, Oh Jesus, Oh Jesus!" Technically that was a prayer, I certainly meant it, not taking his name in vain. But why didn't I pray for peace, balance, courage, confidence? Does that say something about my true spirituality that I didn't pray?
When Jason got back, everyone was telling him how proud of me he should be that I finished it. His answer was, "why wouldn't she finish?" I am trying to take that as a compliment, that he knew I was capable. I'm kind of glad he wasn't there. I think I would have been focused on what he thought of me instead of what I thought about myself(that's an ongoing struggle in my life). I needed that for myself, to make me find strength inside myself. I am very proud of the experience. I might do a ropes course again if I had an easier one and didn't have to do the zip line. Or I could just stick to taking pictures.

Funny illustration in church today

I am so behind in my blogging. I have a couple of really good ones, but this one is from today, just funny.
Our interim pastor, Dr. Robert Sloan, started a new series today on the family, and today was marriage, out of Gen. 2. Jason had to give the welcome and intro. So he told the congregation how we like to stay up late and watch Jeopardy together. Last week the final Jeopardy question topic was Biblical rhymes. The answer was "This is what a man must do with his parents and his wife." (Or something close to that. I didn't realize how hard it would be to actually write a Jeopardy question) So Jason and I in unison, said, "What is leave and cleave". But none of the contestants, who had accumulated tons of money on many other topics, knew the answer. So Jason's point was, these brilliant, successful smart people by the world's standards knew nothing of God's blue print for marriage. Great point.
Dr. Sloan gets up later to give his sermon, and asks if Jason is still in there, which of course he isn't. And Dr. Sloan says, "I was going to tell him that if he and his wife are up late watching Jeopardy, then maybe I need to explain the definition of cleave to him!" Everybody died laughing. Somebody yelled something and he said, "yes, maybe he's the one in jeopardy!" I felt myself turning bright red, and wanted to crawl under the pew! I tried to just smile like it was funny, and it was, but oh I was embarrassed!!! The joys of being a minister's wife!

Happy Birthday Cade!

My middle baby Cade turned 6 last week. I realized I didn't have a blog in 2004 when he was born, so I thought someone might be interested in his story. He's a funny one! Since conception! When Cooper was 18 months old, J and I started talking about when we would try for number 2, and in July of 03 we booked a ski trip for Feb of 04 with our friends Kim and Leon. So we decided when we got back from the ski trip, we would start trying. HA! In September, we discovered you shouldn't make plans like that. So I was 6 months pregnant on our ski trip, and sat in the condo during the day learning how to knit! Kim and I could write some great blogs about that trip.

Before the trip, we had our sonogram, found out it was a boy, but then were concerned at how quiet the technician was, not encouraging. We found out that Cade had some not-normal things, by themselves, not an issue, but together, were concerning. So we got to have a really cool ultra sonogram. I don't remember what the actual term was. Cade had a two vessel umbilical cord instead of three, and had some spots on his brain. But everything else looked fine. We could actually see him pee in the picture. The doctor said he had never seen that before. Very funny. We had to wait a month and go back for another sonogram. At that one, the spots were gone, so no problems! I had to have a sonogram every month after that to make sure he was growing since he wasn't getting as much nutrients as normal.

So, we go skiing, and when we got back from the trip, I got my annual sinus infection that I get every Feb, only this time, it went into an upper respiratory infection and then into pregnancy induced asthma. I was so sick! I slept in our den for almost a month, first sleeping on our big chair and ottoman. I would sit Indian style on the chair with a big stack of pillows in front of me to lean on. That only worked a little bit, then I slept sitting completely vertical on the couch, waking up every 2 hours to take breathing treatments. I was on basically bed rest for a few weeks. I was so miserable!

I was almost well at about 35 weeks, but still really miserable pregnancy wise, a feeling I had not experienced with Cooper. At 37 weeks, I just knew he was coming. Told my teachers that day good bye, packed my bags, and waited. I had my baby shower the day before and people said they could tell I was done. Monday afternoon I went in to be checked because I just knew I was in labor, and I was 4 cm, but not in labor. But 2 am Tuesday morning, back labor started. By the time we go to the hospital at 5:30, I thought I was going to die. I have never felt pain like that. Epidurals are wonderful things! And at 7:46 AM, my Cade entered the world, 3 weeks early but weighing a healthy 6 lbs 11 oz! Cade left me with a stomach full of stretch marks that are still there 6 years later. I am sure someday I will feel proud of them, but I'm not there yet.

Cade is my emotional, relational, passionate child. My other two started sleeping through the night at 10 weeks, Cade 10 months! My other two took half an hour to nurse, Cade 5 minutes, from day 1 until 11 months, he had better things to do! Cooper has to this day, never thrown a fit. Cade, 10 months old was banging his fists on the ground when he didn't get what he wanted! But, he is so compassionate and sympathetic. He has always been a good judge of people, would not like certain people he met, even as a baby, and we would find out later, that person was really not a nice person. He is crushed when he does something wrong if it hurts someone else. Now, if he's just disobedient, its ok. He is loud and whiny at home, but at school, apparently is an angel. He is an amazing baseball player, naturally gifted, but also has learned from watching brother. He learned how to read really fast, and now is in the top reading group in kindergarten, reading chapter books. But still loves to watch Blues Clues with Campbell. His first haircut was fine, but after that, he screamed like we were killing him. The professionals said not to bring him anymore, and for years, J and I had to hold him down in the locked bathroom to cut his hair. He is fine now. Cooper could take or leave Campbell when he entered the family, but Cade has always watched out for his little brother. So, there are days when Cade wears me out emotionally, but he makes up for it when he gives me a hug, thanks me for the dinner he didn't want to eat, and makes me sweet cards. I wouldn't trade my surprising, passionate, relational child for anything. Happy Birthday Cade!

Two random blog entries...

I have had a few blogs in my head floating around, but of course, now that I'm here I can't remember what they were, or they've lost their relevance. Here are two separate blogs, probably shorter than they would have been if I had done them when I first thought about them. Good news for you!

Easter- I told J that I feel bad for my kids at Easter. Easter was always a big deal when I was a kid. I always got new clothes, especially new white sandals. We had a huge lunch at my grandparents and hunted eggs. The Easter Bunny always had lots for us. But being a minister's family, we can't go to family out of town. And boys don't care about new clothes, plus we have hand me downs. The Easter Bunny does come, but they know he doesn't bring much, just candy and little dollar things he found at Walmart. We did hunt eggs one time at a friend's house, but they never asked to do it again. Taco Bell for lunch just like every other Sunday. I did cook a nice dinner, which was different for a Sunday night. But overall, not a big deal. And I guess that's ok. They know what Easter is really about. We did sit down with the big boys and go through the resurrection eggs. They know that its not about clothes, and eggs and big dinners. And I guess that's what's really important. They know its about celebrating, not just the death of our Savior, but more importantly the resurrection of Jesus. Without the resurrection, his death would mean nothing.
It made me sad also to see all the "Easter Bunnies" at church that morning. Somewhere inside of them, they know they are supposed to be at church on Easter, but they don't live with that relationship the rest of the year. That really hurt my heart, to try to live without the peace He gives me living in this stressful world... I can't imagine.

Small Changes- For the weeks leading up to Spring Break, I was very discontent with my life. Nothing major, just little things, feeling out of control. And I began to think of an email I sent to a friend a few years ago when she was discontent with some things. I told her, if you don't like something in your life, either change it or stop complaining about it. I'm not sure how she took it, but it was the Lord speaking to me, and He reminded me of that. So the Monday after Spring Break was like Jan. 1st to me, the start of a new year. And I have made some changes.
I didn't like how tired I was all the time, taking a nap almost everyday, and not liking the extra 10 lbs I still need to lose. So I started walking, and I have lost a little, but more importantly, have more energy. I didn't like how my face looked, and amazingly, if you just wash your face at night, that helps! (I know, I should have learned that in jr high.) I have begun to write my to do list on my wipe board in the kitchen the night before, and that has helped immensely. One, I have a plan when I wake up in the morning, I don't feel like I'm wandering around all day, or losing my list I've made. And two, I can see, and the rest of the family can see, what I've done all day when they come home and can't see the difference in the house. I have cleaned out two of those random laundry baskets full of junk that have collected in my bedroom. I still have a ways to go in organizing that kind of stuff, but its a start. All in all, little things, but I feel more in control, and less frustrated. I encourage you to take stock of the things in your life that are bothering you, and either fix them, or accept them the way they are and stop complaining. Its very freeing!

Zoo visit

My kids had off school yesterday for a teacher work day (they will have only been in school 8 days out of three weeks after Easter, don't ask me who came up with that schedule), so we headed to the zoo. We hadn't been since last August, so I was so excited to see if Campbell really got into it this time. And he did! It was so much fun! He would get so excited when he saw each animal, especially when it took him a minute to find them. He loved the elephants and the fish the best. He didn't want to pet the goats in the petting zoo, takes after me. And I changed his diaper when the big boys were in the reptile house, so he missed out on the snakes. Darn! Cooper didn't want to go to the zoo, "its boring!". So I made up kind of a zoo bingo game. I made a chart with different things I wanted him to find, like the biggest animal, or animal with stripes, etc. Cade got more into it than Coop did, but even he lost interest quickly. So of course, money is always a good bribe, and I told him I would take a dollar off the money he owed me if he finished the chart, and that worked. Our only problem was a red animal. I had in the mind the red panda bear that we had seen before, but it wasn't being shown this time. So I had to allow him one substitution. I could sit and watch the giraffes and elephants for hours. They facinate me. They have one elephant who is expecting any day now. Elephants are pregant for 22 months, but they can go 30 days either way. And she was 22 months on March 10th. They were helping her exercise when we came by, making her walk around. She was so big! Someone is staying there 24/7 until she delivers, so the zoo keepers are ready too! Thank goodness I was only pregant for 9 months! We had a great time over all. We were all wiped out, almost overslept for baseball. Here are some pictures of our trip.

Adventures in Food

I was downloading pictures off my camera and realized most of them are of Campbell eating, which is funny, because he doesn't eat much! I guess that's why its entertaining to me when he does!

Some new favorite things...

Fun blog today... some of my new favorite things.
1. "What Would Brian Boitano Do?" on Food Network, Sundays at noon, so yes, you should have to record it! He is so funny, and most of the things he makes, I might actually make someday.
2. Nature's Own 100% Whole Wheat Sandwich Rounds. They look like pita pockets, but have a different taste and texture. You would think it would be like eating the end pieces of a loaf of bread, which I don't like, but its not. Really good! (Thanks Laura)
3. New Passion CD "Awakening", just came out this week, really good!
4. New Danny Gokey CD. I love it! Its just enough country to be considered country, but I'm not a country fan, and I really enjoy it. I actually got it at Lifeway, but I wouldn't call it a Christian album. There are enough references to Jesus to spread the gospel in some way though. Highly recommend it.
5. Addison Road, that's not really a new favorite thing, but after the week they have had, I am so inspired and impressed by them, I am reigniting my passion for them and spreading the word. To read their story, visit addisonroad.com. They have been through the fire, literally, and are coming out the other side revived. So proud of them.
6. The Paralympics. I watched the opening ceremonies yesterday and was in tears. These people AMAZE me with their passion, talent and determination to succeed while missing legs, arms, being paralyzed, etc. They will be showing a little on the Universal Sports channel from 5-7 this week. I can't wait to watch. I recorded the ceremonies for my kids to watch, so hopefully they will learn about people with disabilities who can move mountains.
7. Baseball season! We had scrimmages this week, and games start after spring break. I love watching my boys play baseball! So fun! Now, watching Campbell makes it a little hard to actually watch the games, but we'll make it work!

Gabby

I've been needed to blog this all week, but haven't felt ready. If you came to the blog to get the banana bread recipe, skip this one. If you don't like sad things, skip this one. Or if you think people who get sad over their pets dying are silly, skip this one. The first paragraph is how my sweet Gabby died, the second paragraph is good memories of her, and the third paragraph is how I'm feeling. So read with discretion.

My sweet Gabby... she died on Monday at 12 years old. She woke me up at 6:30 that morning shaking like she does when she's scared of thunderstorms, but it wasn't raining. So I tried to get her to go back to bed, but then I saw where she had gotten sick on her bed. So I got her a towel to lay on. A few minutes later she went downstairs, so I went down to check on her and she was sick again. She was fine for the next few hours, and so I thought maybe she had just eaten something outside and it was over. Campbell was sick that day too and I took him to the doctor mid morning. When we got back, she had been sick again while we were gone. I tried at that point to give her some medicine my mother suggested, first in apple sauce, then lunch meat, which she wouldn't eat. I knew at that point something was wrong because she loves lunch meat. After lunch, I put Campbell down for a nap. She got sick one more time on our den carpet, so I pulled her outside so she would get sick outside. That's my biggest regret. I cleaned it up and went to the door to check on her, and saw her laying in the shade of a small potted tree we have on the patio, and I thought, good, she looks peaceful and she'll get some rest. A little bit later I took her water bowl out to her and she didn't even flinch, but I thought it was because we're pretty sure she had lost her hearing in the last few months. Every few minutes I would look out the window at her and see if she was still breathing. And at some point in that time, I knew what I was looking for. The boys came home from school and I went outside to check on her and I knew she was gone. I had to go hide from them until Jason came home so they wouldn't see me crying.

When Jason and I got married, he told me he wanted a great dane, and researched them all spring. The weekend we were moving from TX to OK, we stopped in Canton, and bought our sweet Solomon from a great dane breeder. Jason said I should buy myself a little dog, and I said no, God will bring me a free dog when its time. And that fall, our friends, the Allison's, in Hollis took in a stray who was pregnant, and I picked out Gabby when she was two weeks old. Her full name was Gabriel Allison. She was so cute and tiny. We brought her home when she was big enough right after Christmas, and she and Solomon became the best of friends. While she was still small enough, they could play tug of war with a rope and he would swing her around so fast she would fly in the air. They would chase each other around and around the house in big circles. At first they slept in different rooms, but soon they would curl up together at night, this big 100 pound dog and little 12 pound dog. When we had to put Solomon down 4 years ago, she was so sad for awhile, I don't think she was really ever the same again. She became even more attached to me at that point. She followed me all over the house. I could turn it into a game and hide from her, but she always found me. Everyone who came over always said what a sweet dog she was. So calm and quiet. Just right for me.

I didn't think I would be this sad. I have always thought people who saw their pets as children were a little crazy. I think I put a sweater on her that first winter in Hollis, but other than that, there was no dressing up or fancy collars. Jason and I had talked about if she got sick at some point, what were we willing to spend to get her well, not much. I have had dogs my whole life, and had two that died that made me sad, but not this sad. She was my first dog, that I picked out and named and took care of as my dog. I feel such guilt about not taking her to the vet, but then I think she was only sick half a day, so there probably wasn't much they could have done. And she died in peace laying outside on a beautiful day in her sleep. My main guilt is not going out to pet her and love on her a little bit after I put her outside. But then I remind myself she is a dog, and she lived a very loved life. I've cried this week when I've come home and she wasn't waiting at the door. I've cried when I was making the boys sandwiches and she wasn't there to eat the lunch meat that gets cut off with the crusts. I've cried when I get up first thing in the morning and don't have to let her out. I've cried when she wasn't there to eat the food that Campbell dropped off his high chair. I haven't cried today, so I guess its getting easier. I picked up her pillow and dog food today, so progress is being made. My boys seem fine. Cade cried a little on Monday, but they are all ready to get a new dog. I am not ready. But I am thankful for her. I didn't realize how much company she brought me until she wasn't there this week. Sorry this is so sad. Maybe no one has even made it this far, which is fine. This is really for me. It feels good to get it out. God brought her to me when He was ready and He will heal my heart and bring me another one when its time. All of His creations are precious. But especially my Gabby.

Banana Bread Recipe

A couple of people requested this recipe after I commented that it says you should let it rest overnight before eating it, and that is just crazy talk. Its the best right out of the oven with a glass of milk!

It's out of the Better Homes and Garden New Cook Book, pg 114
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour (I use half whole wheat flour, it makes me feel healthier when I eat half the loaf by myself)
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon salt
1 egg
1 cup smashed bananas (3 medium)
3/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup cooking oil
1 teaspoon finely shredded lemon peel (optional, I've never used it)
1/2 cup chopped walnuts or pecans (my kids don't like it as well with nuts, so I usually leave them out)

1. Grease the bottom and sides if ab 8x4x2 inch loaf pan. In a med. mixing bowl, combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon and salt. Make a well in the center of dry mixture and set aside.
2. In another bowl combine the egg, bananas, sugar, oil, and lemon peel. Add mixture all at once to dry mixture, stir until just moistened. Fold in nuts.
3. Spoon batter into greased pan. Bake at 350 oven 50-55 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.

Just my own tip, I put our bananas in the freezer when they start to go bad, and then I always have some ready for bread. I just defrost them in the peel for a minute in the microwave, take the peel off, and put them back in for 30 seconds or so to get them to room temperature.

Enjoy!

Sweet N Spicy Chicken

I am not a great cook and really don't enjoy cooking. But I try. J wishes I wouldn't try any new recipes, just stick with what I know works. But I have to try a couple of new ones each month to not get bored. So here is a new one I tried tonight that all three boys gobbled down, even the little one who doesn't eat much of anything. J said it was ok, which is a compliment for him. The only dish I've ever made that he raved about, was one I had already decided I wasn't going to make again because it was too hard. Of course! So here is sweet n spicy chicken, the grand prize winner recipe in the sept/oct 1998 Quick Cooking magazine, by Sheri White in Higley, AZ. I'm all for giving credit where credit is due!

1 pound boneless skinless chicken breasts, cut into 1/2 inch cubes
3 tablespoons taco seasoning
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 jar (11 oz) chunky salsa
1/2 cup peach preserves
Hot cooked rice (I used brown rice)

Place the chicken in a large resealable plastic bag; add taco seasoning and toss to coat. In a skillet, brown chicken in oil. Combine salsa and preserves; stir into skillet. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat; cover and simmer for 2-3 minutes or until meat juices run clear. Serve over rice. 4 servings

SO GOOD and easy! Hope you enjoy!

I'm old...

Another quick one, I turned 35 last week. I know, not old to many of you. But for some reason I feel old at this one. I think for one reason, I do a lot of online surveys, and when they ask your age, its broken down into brackets, and I have had to move up to the next bracket. 30-34, 35-40. Rub it in why don't ya! And Cooper came up to me the other day, and he is almost to my shoulders. When did that happen! I do not feel old enough to have 3 kids, and an 8 year old! WHAT! I asked my mom about that years ago, and she said most people will tell you they don't feel as old as they are. In your brain you are always a certain age. I think I'm still 26, that just sounds right. Of course, when I asked Cade how old I was, he said 61. Jason laughed hysterically! Until I asked Cade how old Jason was, and since he knew he was 2 years older than me, he must be 63. A child can always put it in perspective for you. I am very thankful for another year. I hope I continue to grow and learn and change for the better, no matter how old I get.

Clean House

So we are having a kick off party for Cooper's little league baseball team this coming Saturday at our house. (Side note, in the 14 years I've known my husband, I have never seen him as excited as he was after he drafted this team. He is convinced they are going to win the championship. No pressure.) As soon as we decided 40 people are coming over, most of which I don't know, I went into panic mode trying to make a plan of how I am going to clean this house by Saturday in a manner worthy of having that many strangers over. Hospitality is not my spiritual gift. I'm not social, and I don't like the stress of having people over. But I don't want to be that way. So I made a mental plan of when to clean what, and then woke up with a migraine today, which took today off the schedule, so I'm already behind. But I've been thinking about why I get so stressed about having a clean house. Why do we care so much about that as women? I am wanting Jason to fix major things this week in the house, wanting to make a new wreath for the door, and major cleaning. Why can't I just do basic cleaning and picking up and leave it at that? I tell Jason its because I want my home to be welcoming and homey, but wouldn't a little dust make it more homey? Why do I care what people think about my house? Especially when there are people in Haiti who don't have a house to worry about! So pray for me this week that I don't stress about it, that I take a few minutes to pray for my attitude, and pray that God will give me wisdom about what to work on. I want people to see Him in my home, especially some of these people who I'm sure are not believers. If I worry too much about my house, will that come across to them that I'm materialistic or snobby? Oh, the constant battle of balance!

My first try at posting a video

We were watching last season's finale of American Idol and Campbell loved the Black Eyed Peas. So funny! Not the best video I have, but I just wanted to try to post one just because I can now!

The gospel according to Cade

Cade wrote this epistle today during church, most of it with no help from me. I thought I would pass it on to bring a smile to your face. Oh, the faith of my middle, relational child. I will even spell it his way and translate it if needed. Remember he's in kindergarten.

1. Jesus is helping me in the church all the tim. 2. God will give you what you need. 3. Jesus and God will not get you in truble by the devil. 4. God and Jesus will make you be good. 5. When Jesus and God tells you to be nise you be nise. (That's my favorite) 6. Give some coins to your church. (That's Jason's favorite) 7. In church you haft to lisin. 8. in church you sing to the music. 9. You are spost to yos igdmis. (you are supposed to use instruments, I'm not sure how it got spelled that way). 10. You shd thak God what he gave you. 11. You love God and Jesus.

Oh my sweet child. Brings a tear to my eye. I have a feeling God has great plans for him someday. Maybe even today as you read it.

First official post with high speed!

I just wanted to announce that I now have high speed internet at home, so I have no excuses to not post more often or post pictures. Of course, at the moment the computer is in the playroom on my kids table and my bottom barely fits into this kids chair, but its temporary. I am enjoying being able to download sermons and open videos and quickly get where I need to be. Hopefully I don't spend more time on here but less.

As I was making the arrangements and watching the cable guy install it, I was feeling guilty about getting it when there are people in Haiti with no homes, no water or food, no parents, no children and many I'm sure with no hope. I mentioned it to the cable guy who had already told me he was a believer, and he said it wasn't my fault about Haiti as if that could take the guilt away. Of course it wasn't my fault, but what are we doing to sacrifice to help someone else. I was crying last night while watching a story of an Australian news crew rescuing an 18 month old out of rubble where she had been for 68 hours. She was fine, but apparently has lost all of her family but an uncle. I just couldn't imagine that for my Campbell. God must have a plan for her to save her in those conditions. God's plans are far higher than I can imagine. And He is in control.

Please pray for Ben and Katie. They were in our youth group in Richardson. I can remember leading Ben in a small group either at camp or D-Now. They moved to Haiti Dec. 29th to teach at a Christian school and participate in other ministries, and now they are ministering in ways they never imagined. www.benandkatieinhaiti.com

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Annual update

This is the annual update for those of you who received our Christmas card which did not include the ever so popular update letter that many of you are so good at writing. I can handle the writing part, its the copying and folding and including in the card which I am lucky to get out before the new year part that is hard for me. So here is our annual update in blog form.

Let's start with the youngest and go up from there. My sweet, precious baby Campbell who is, by the day, outgrowing the baby stage of life, is 16 months old, and the joy of my life. He likes to crawl up in my lap and read books for a few minutes at a time which I treasure, is a fabulous sleeper, says "pease" and "tank you", and loves to get the middle of his brothers with a light sabor or noodle to join the fight. He loves to wear hats and shoes. He is beginning to show his independence. You have no doubt when he does not want something, which these days is any food except cookies, crackers and bread. Even the foods he used to love won't enter his lips. My other two never went through that, so I had to pull out a book which I thought I surely wouldn't need to read again, and read that it is normal, and one day he will eat again. He goes to MDO two days a week and loves his teachers. Over all, he is just as happy as can be and we are so thankful for him.

My "passionate" Cade is 5 years old, and an artistic, dramatic child. His emotional flares have subsided in the last few months, which we are thankful for. He is loving kindergarten and is reading up a storm. His teacher, who also had Cooper, is amazed at how different they are personality wise. I worry sometimes that he isn't cultivating his own "things", he is almost always following in Cooper's footsteps as far as likes and dislikes. They basically got the exact same things for Christmas. If Cooper isn't home, Cade will watch Blues Clues, but other wise they watch Star Wars or Bakugan. I guess I should be thankful that Cade won't argue too much. He is amazing to watch playing any sport. When he had Upward basketball try-outs, the coaches kept looking at me in amazement at how good he was. I just shrugged my shoulders. Just naturally athletic and watching his big brother I guess. Coach pitch baseball should be amazing too. Almost daily he melts my heart by making me a card. And I am so thankful when people at school or church tell me what a kind leader he is. I know he will go far in life.

My brilliant Cooper just turned 8, and has already spent his Christmas and birthday money on bakugan and star wars things. Cade will save his money for months, but Cooper can't stand it! He is doing wonderfully in 2nd grade. He is really excited that after the break they will begin learning cursive. He loves playing football with his daddy, and we are all counting down the days until baseball season starts. He made the all-star team last spring, and we are trying not to assume he will make it again, but he is just so good when he's focused. He has begun to watch ESPN even when his daddy isn't home (great) and stopped listening to music when he goes to sleep, and instead finds some sporting event on his clock radio. He gets up in the morning and gets dressed, and usually fixes his own breakfast even before I am out of bed. He is just so even tempered all the time. I am so thankful for that.

I am working one day a week at our weekday preschool as a sub and the spiritual curriculum coordinator. I plan mission projects for the kids to do with their parents. I also work childcare sometimes. I get 5 hours a week without my kids. Sometimes I sit the whole five hours in front of the tv, but usually I am running errands or volunteering at the boys' school in the literacy library the whole time. I am teaching toddlers on Sunday mornings. Campbell is supposed to be in my class, but most Sundays, it doesn't work too well, so he goes back across the hall, which is fine with him. The rest of my life is washing dishes, clothes, and watching the dust pile up on the furniture, wondering how I got so far behind. But I am thankful for my life.

Jason is in his 4th year as Associate Pastor of Family Ministries at University Baptist Church. Today is our pastor's last Sunday, so I'm sure changes are coming. Dr. Robert Sloan will be our interim and J is excited to get to know him. We are praying the transition will be smooth for all of us and praying for our church to grow until we are able to find God's new man for us. It is a good church. He is trying to decide where to go on a mission trip this summer. This past year he went to Honduras and London again. Next fall we should get to go to the last launch of the space shuttle. Really excited about that. We are praying about what our "story" might look like in the future. (see Nov. 23 blog). Donald Miller's new book really changed our view of things. We are going to really try in the new year to help make our story more exciting, and make memories for our boys, both spiritually and just fun. The two of us went on vacation last week to Disney, which was a blast, but it was great to talk about things like that, just to take a minute to take stock of where we are in life.

Other family news: my mom is almost finished with her doctorate in natural medicine, has opened her own clinic treating patients. My brother is moving to Athens, TX to be an assistant manager of a Verizon store. Jason's sister and brother-in-law in Virgina are expecting their first son any day now. He's actually a week late already, so really any minute now.

I think that's about it. We are thankful for our journey God has brought us on. We are trying to look for where he is working to join Him there, but it is hard sometimes in our stage of life with little kids. It's a constant struggle for me, wondering where the balance is between being a mother and working for the Lord, and remembering that being a mother is working for the Lord. But God is good all of the times. Thank you friends for being supportive and encouraging. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Thankfulness

Our pastor just finished a month long series of sermons on gratitude. The first week was the most helpful to me, reminding me to be thankful throughout the week, paying attention to things throughout the day that we should be thankful for but take for granted. A couple of weeks later I did a devotional for our weekday teachers and took that sermon and thought over it a little bit. I decided there are three levels of thankfulness. This is not Biblically based yet. Maybe I'll find some verses to back me up someday, but for now its just the gospel according to Christy.
I think the first level is the basic level of being thankful. Its what we preschool teachers are famous for. Thank you God for the sun, moon and stars, the grass and bees and birds and trees. And its what most of us do at Thanksgiving before the big meal. Thank you God for our health, our family and and food. That's a perfectly fine level of gratitude. We do need to thank God for all of those things. All of those things are from Him.
The next level is really paying attention during the day to things we can thank God for that we might not usually attribute to Him. Thank you God that I have a car that works and has air conditioning. Thank you God that my closet is full of clothes, even when I complain about washing and ironing them. Thank you God for this hot water that is coming out of the shower. Thank you God that the woman at the grocery store had a smile on her face today. I could go on and on. Every person that you come in contact with is an opportunity to be thankful. Every quality in your spouse or child you like or even dislike is something to be thankful for.
The third level is usually the most difficult. That's when we are truly thankful for who God is. Most weeks I don't even think about the greatness of God except maybe on Sunday morning in church. But Oh God, please forgive me for not being thankful for your holiness, your greatness, your power and might, your faithfulnes even when I am not faithful to you. I was singing "Mighty to Save" the other day, and it hit me that moving mountains seems like a big deal to us, but the big deal is that He's the author of salvation. Yes, He has the power to move mountains and open the seas and break down walls. But the thing to be thankful for is that He has the power to save us, to save me. He rose and conquered the grave! That is way more important than moving mountains. Let us be thankful for HIM not just for what He gives us. Thank you Father for all that you are. Help me not to just thank you on this one day a year.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I urge you to go deeper in your gratitude today!

Fear

Some of you may know that I have struggled for years with really strong fears, especially when Jason is out of town. When Cooper was a baby I would move his pack-n-play in my bedroom when J was gone so I could lock my bedroom door and put a chair under the door. I realized I was raised that way, so I knew it was a generational sin that I needed to overcome. So I refused to make my kids sleep in different beds because of my fears. But then I would stay awake all night, or have to take sleeping pills to sleep. Its gotten much better since we moved, one because our neighborhood is safer, but two because I started sleeping with my Bible open to Prov. 3:24 "when you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet", and God has brought me so far with that issue that its not an issue anymore.
So then I just struggled with the day to day fears, my kids dying in a car crash, or Jason getting sick or our house burning down, etc. I remember telling someone before I even had kids that I suspected that one day one of my kids would get sick, because I thought God would want to use us to give him glory through a struggle. Back then, I thought it was almost a privilege to struggle in that way, but now that I have kids, that thought terrifies me. Please God protect my kids!!! I would envision almost daily a horrible story in my head of something tragic happening. I hated following Jason home from church because I just knew I would see him getting killed in a car accident. I realized once that I could tell where I was spiritually by how many or how tragic the stories were I was having. The closer to God I was, the less fear I struggled with. Makes sense.
Recently (the last year or so) I would struggle with knowing that I wasn't close to the Lord, completely surrendered to Him, but I was afraid that if I did surrender, something horrible would happen to use us. Or, I was afraid if I told God that I wanted to get closer to Him, something horrible would happen to bring me back to Him, to bring me to my knees. Its not fun living that way!
So, two things in the past months have changed me! I just finished the Beth Moore study on Esther, overall not my favorite of hers but still good, of course. But one session she did on video was life changing for me. She was talking about how Esther had to face her fear to go before the King. I don't have my notes in front of me, but the main point she made that helped me was to imagine the worst possible things that could happen to you, easy for me. Then walk through them with God in the picture. If ____________ happens, then God. If my husband dies in an accident, then I will grieve and sell my house and God will give me strength. Yes, it would be bad, but I would survive. If my kids got sick and died, I would fall apart, but then I would get back up and God would give me strength. If the absolute worst thing happened, I died in a car accident, I would go to heaven, the ultimate victory. If _____________ happens, then God! She said courage wasn't facing your fear and pretending it wasn't there, but to face your fear knowing that God was in control. I think that was it. I will get my notes later and add more, but that was what I remember that freed me!
Then again, at the Right Now conference, I heard Kay Warren speak. I don't really remember her topic, but the one thing she said that stuck out to me was "God's not safe, but He's good." She said what I have thought, that some people are scared to surrender because He might send them to Africa or give them cancer. And its true that God is not safe. His journey will not be easy, but He is good! He wants what is best for us. He loves us more than we can ever imagine. That is so encouraging to me. And I promise since that Beth Moore lesson, I have not had one of those horrible stories play out in my head. Once or twice a story has started , but it doesn't finish because it doesn't have to. I know how it will end, with good!
In case you are interested, and have any fears at all, I really encourage you to listen to Beth's lesson 4 of Esther. You can download it off lifeway's website. So that's deep blog post #2. More tomorrow?

Adventure

I haven't blogged in so long. No good reasons, just excuses. We went to the Right Now conference a few weeks ago (that could be an entire blog on its own) and one of the side sessions I went to was about writing your life story, and she made one point that has inspired me to write a blog entry again. She said that people need to hear your story. Either your story is universal enough that people can relate, or its unique enough they can learn something new from it. But write something. I have a few blogs spinning around in my head, so here is the first one.
Back in July we were in Glorieta and I went to the prayer garden to pray for a few minutes. I begin to pray about the fact that our lives right now are kind of boring. So I prayed for God to do something to add some excitement to our lives. Even though Jason and I work at a church, we don't live a life of surrendering to the Lord on a day to day basis. We are just at church like average families, when we are suppposed to be because that is what you are supposed to do, and we happen to get a paycheck for it. There's nothing wrong with being average I guess for most people, but I don't want to be average.
A few weeks after that we had our sweet friends Trey and Randi over and their kids, and they were telling us of their adventure of surrendering to missions. They were just commissioned last week to go on the foreign mission field in the spring. I was jealous. I don't necessarily want to go where they are going, but I was jealous of their adventure. Going into the unknown because God told you to and hanging on for the ride, waiting for him to provide at the last minute when you don't know what the next day will bring. That's exciting.
Then I read Donald Miller's new book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. Amazing! And just what I have been praying for. Its all about that our lives are a story, and if your story is boring, change it. God intended for our lives to have conflict, adventure, a climax, times when we grow and change because we are living an adventure. He realized his life was boring, so he biked across the country, hiked the mountains in Peru, started a new mentoring ministry. I read the book in two days, and when Jason is finished with it, I want to read it again with a highlighter. So inspiring.
So that's what God has been doing in my heart. Has anything changed per se? No, but I'm on the lookout. Donald autographed our book (Jason went to high school with him) "thanks for living such a great story." And I'm sure to some people we do. Being at our 4th church, "working for the Lord" on a daily basis. We don't feel that though. I have moments of adventure, when I planned a successful mission project for our preschool, or took our boys to buy stuff for the Operation Christmas Child shoeboxes. But most days are doing dishes and laundry and soccer games and changing diapers. I have had older moms tell me that its ok, this is just the time of my life when its kind of boring, that God understands. But I don't want it to be like that. I don't want to wait another 18 years for my kids to grow up before my life gets exciting. So what do I do? Right now I am just praying and looking out for moments of adventure. Maybe if I keep my eyes and heart open for them, I won't miss them as easily. And maybe God is preparing us for a big adventure coming up, getting me excited so when it comes I'm not overwhelmed. We'll see.
My favorite song right now is Motions by Matthew West. Some of the lines are "I don't want to go through the motions. I don't want to go one more day, without your all consuming passion inside of me. I don't want to spend my whole life asking what if I had given everything instead of going through the motions." I think that's right, that's from memory. That is my prayer right now. God is not safe, but he's good. That another blog, maybe for tomorrow.

Fall Pictures!

What a week!

Cooper started 2nd grade this week, and I'm sorry, but I am not old enough to have a 2nd grader! Its just not possible! He seems to like his teacher and luckily makes friends easily. But he is a boy, so I'm having a hard time getting him to talk about it. He's really enjoying being the big brother of a kindergartner. Very proud. I asked him what his favorite part of his first day was and he said dividing up his school supplies. Weird.
Cade has had a wonderful week. His favorite part of his first day was riding the bus home. I think that made him feel big. I actually didn't take him day one. I used the excuse that I needed to be at church too early, but really, I chickened out. I was afraid I would be emotional, which is not me. So Jason took them both. Cooper didn't even want him to walk him to class. And Cade walked in, found a Thomas book, and sat down to read. I think if I had taken him, he might have been more emotional too. He tends to be that way with me.
I took them to school on Thursday, day 3, and watched them in my rear view mirror walking in together and I came close to crying then. They looked so big and so little at the same time! Then later I was sitting in teacher inservice, and almost had a panic attack realizing Cade was not downstairs in childcare, but across town in a public school where I had no idea what was going on! It is the first time he's not been with me or at our church! But he is doing great. Its all going to be ok. And it doesn't hurt that his teacher is a church member. I have decided that isn't always best, but she is a great teacher, so I will live with the few uncomfortable moments it brings. And I will thank our heavenly Father for blessing me with boys who are comfortable being away from me and helping me be comfortable being away from them. Its been the first of many weeks, months and years ahead.

Summer has flown by...

For those of you who were concerned about my security comment about Jason two blogs ago, I will now explain and update you on our crazy summer. I only said that because I get paranoid about who reads this and imagine the worst of people is stalking blogs, waiting for someone to say they are out of town, so someone in Illinois can put all the pieces of my blog together, figure out our names and address, and come down to TX and rob my house. I know, crazy right. But just when I get over that, my mom will email me and remind me of that possibility. So, I can now tell you where we were the entire month of July since we are now home. So don't come rob my house.

Jason left July 3 for two weeks to go to London to do a mission trip with young adults from our church. They went into a public school and taught the kids how to play baseball and American football, and basically hung out, building relationships and sharing about what American Christianity looks like. This was their second summer, so they were continuing to build relationships from last year, which is very important to us. So, because I can't stand my kids for more than 3 days by myself (kind of dramatic, I know, but 3 boys, you try it!), we left on the 6th, and drove to Alexandria, LA and stayed in a 3 bedroom house with 19 people. Jason's aunt, uncle, parents, brother, sister, grandmother, and 3 cousins, with one spouse and 5 kids, so, yes, it was crowded. We had a lot of fun, enjoyed the family time. We stayed there 4 days and then went to my moms in Shreveport for a week. Then I drove the boys to Paris,TX to Jason's parents and dropped them off! Whoee! I went to the TX Baptist Weekday Education Assoc. conference, at strangely enough, FBC Richardson, our former church. Had moments of awkwardness, but even more of seeing some really great people I miss terribly. It was the first time I had been away from Campbell, so every time I showed his picture to someone, which was a lot, I got sad. But it was good for me to not have to share my food, cut up any one's food, change any diapers, or break up fights over channels on the tv.

Then I met Jason's parents in McKinney and got Campbell back from them, and he and I went home to Houston. Jason got home the day before, so it was great to see him. Cooper and Cade stayed in Paris for the week for VBS. I had the best time just being able to play with my baby without distractions. Then Jason's family drove with our boys to New Mexico to Glorieta, and Jason and Campbell and I flew (much better way to travel) and met them there. We had a great week of beautiful weather, good food, and moments of spiritual renewal. There were 8 of us in a two room apartment, so there were moments of mental instability for me, but we made it. Would you believe I did not take one picture! Craziness. Then we flew home, and the boys drove back to Paris, and my mom met them, and drove them back to Houston. So they got home on Aug 1, and had been gone 4 weeks! They were so excited to be back in their own beds!

If you didn't follow that, I am sorry. I so badly want a map I can put on my blog where I can draw lines where we went, and I'm sure there is some way to do it, but I am so not computer smart, so I'm not going to try. The month flew by! School starts in two weeks, and I'm sure that will fly by too.

Campbell turned 1 yesterday. Fastest year of my life. He loved his cake, licked the plate clean. Had a great check up today. Just like Cade at 1, 90% head, 75% height, and 10% weight. Tall, skinny and big head like his momma. Jason and Cooper had a stomach bug this weekend, and so far the rest of us haven't gotten it. Our sweet friends Trey and Randi and their kids braved the illness to come see us this weekend, and that was a sweet time.

So that was our month. At another time I will have to share some of the things I have learned through the month, but that's for another time. Just glad to be home for now!

Quick one... but its serious.

I just added a new blog on my follow list, and I realized that 3 of my blogs are from families who have a child with a very serious health issue, and I turned around to see my two big boys trying to make a snow cone and found my little one playing ball, and just thanked the Lord for how healthy they are. But I also live in fear most days that the odds aren't that good that they will all stay that way, and when will the shoe drop. I know I shouldn't live that way, I should just trust God and remember that He loves them even more than I do. But those 3 little sweet children on the blogs are loved just as much as my kids, and they are still struggling. It doesn't seem fair. How and why are they chosen to suffer and not mine?
Sorry for the downer of a blog. When I get a minute, I will update you on our month of traveling. Again, so thankful that we returned home safely. God is good. No matter what.

Summer Pics

Enjoy some summer fun pics. Notice the melting pictures since it is SOOOO hot down here.

Mom of three boys!

I can't believe its been so long since I've posted. I get so disappointed when I go to read other people's blogs and they haven't updated, but I haven't updated mine either, so can't get too mad. So here we go, a bunch of random updates and opinions. If you don't make it to the end, I wouldn't blame you.

Cooper- finished his all-star season 4-2, the winners of the consolation bracket. It was so much fun. I really enjoyed the all-star season more than the regular season, even though it was a lot of baseball squeezed into a month. I hope he makes it again. I'm sure between my 3 boys, at least one of them will at some point. Jason and I calculated to make sure they wouldn't all make it in the same year. Scary thoughts like that keep me up at night! :) The life of a mom of three boys. He finished 1st grade with great marks, reading really well. I can't believe I'm old enough to have a 2nd grader. Crazy! He loves watching Sportscenter now, even without his daddy. Great. I can't get away from it. His new thing now is Bakugan, a Japanese (I'm guessing) cartoon that, of course, has toys you can buy. He convinced Cade to spend his birthday money on some, and asked me to read the instructions on how to have Bakugan battles. They are meant for ages 5 and up, and it took me more than a few days to figure it out, and I still think we aren't playing it right. And of course, they are small enough that Campbell would choke on them if he found them. Fun times.

Cade-Finished t-ball an all-star in every one's eyes. His coach convinced the team they had won the championship, even though there wasn't one, and convinced Cade that since he was the best player, he was the best player in the t-ball league. Great. Blow up his head. But he actually probably was the best t-ball player. He didn't want to throw the ball to people because they wouldn't catch it, so he would come from 3rd base across the field, pick up the ball, and chase the runner down to get them out, even though we weren't counting outs. The parents of the other teams would laugh (a jealous laugh if I do say so myself) and say the kids shouldn't hit it to him because he would tackle them. He was stung by a wasp the other day, a whole other blog entry, so add any kind of buzzing insect to the long list of things he's afraid of. The dark, birds, snakes, old people, water... oh dear. He graduated from preschool and will start kindergarten next month. When Cooper started, I was ready to kick him out of the house, but I think because Cade was my baby for so long, I am not quite as ready this time. I will miss him. Campbell will really miss him!

Campbell-My sweet baby will turn one next month. Its just not right! Its too fast! He eats like a horse, actually picked up his plate the other day to lick it clean! Gets mad when he's out of food. Has 6 teeth already, early compared to my other two. The funny part is, he got his two bottom center ones first, but then he got his upper canine teeth next, very unusual according to our dentist, so he looked like a vampire for awhile. His top two are coming in now, so he doesn't look as funny. He still has reddish hair, people say he looks like me, finally I got one. He's not walking yet, which is later than the others, but he is cruising, and I am not in a hurry. He's so busy, opens all the kitchen cabinets and drawers, trying to climb the stairs. He's very happy. I am very thankful!

Me-I got a really short hair cut last week, still don't like it. I also stopped nursing last week. The last time I wasn't so sad, but the next day, when it was time and I didn't, it was sad. I'll never nurse again. Its sad. VBS wore me out. Every year I say I'm not going to do it again, but I just can't not work VBS. And I would rather direct than be in a classroom. I am helping direct Preschool Playdays, and will teach something in our weekday teacher training. That is my favorite thing I do all year. I wish I could do that more. I am having a family issue right now, so say a prayer for me to have wisdom. Reading a lot of Karen Kingsbury, I don't know why, they are all sad so far. Sad about Jon and Kate, blame him for making bad choices, blame her for being so critical and for not quitting the show when he said he wanted to. But I can't pretend to know the whole story. Its just very sad. (I'm using that word alot this post. Sorry) Loving Next Food Network Star, and I am now addicted to NCIS. I finally got burned out on Law & Order after watching every episode 20 times, but NCIS is so great. I can almost watch it everyday on USA. I also like the new show on USA Royal Pains. And still addicted to facebook, which is probably why I haven't blogged in so long. And I'm not forgetting my sweet husband, but for security reasons, I will have to update you on him another time. I will try to post some pictures tomorrow. If you made it to the end of this, you are really bored! But thanks for caring about us.

My big boy!

Start 'em early in the Gadman household! He's pretty good for a 9 month old if I do say so myself!

Memorial Day weekend update

Cooper's baseball team lost in the division championship game. I felt a new emotion that night that I have never felt before as a mom. I don't know how to describe it, except to say I hurt for him because I knew how disappointed he was. The whole game was so stressful because I wanted him (and Jason) to be pleased and they weren't. Older parents told me to get used to it. It only gets worse as they get older. Great.

He did make All-stars, and I am so proud of him! I had no idea what a big deal it is. The practices have a completely different aura about them. We are in the big leagues now. This is some serious baseball! He is so excited. Very passionate about the game, which after playing already for three months is pretty amazing. They practice pretty heavily for three weeks and then start a double elimination tournament. Some of the moms are buying mom shirts and I feel torn. I want to show him I am proud of him and cheering him on, but if they lose two games right off the bat, then I have spent that money for nothing. And I don't think me wearing a shirt will help him play any better.

Jason is on a mission trip this week in Honduras building a playground at an orphanage. What a guy! I miss him. I don't know about you, but if my husband's gone a day or two once a month or so, that would be perfect. But this ten day thing is really hard. And then I think about military wives. I don't know how they do it.

American Idol. Once again, I am going through withdrawals. There is nothing to look forward to on tv! I was a complete Danny Gokey fan until he left. Then I actually voted 5 times for Kris simply to be voting against Adam because he freaks me out. I'm sure my 5 votes made the difference in the nearly 100 million votes. But I tell you, the night of the finale, when Kris sang with Keith Urban, I fell in love with him! Such a cutie! And I actually downloaded "Boundaries" off itunes. It just makes me smile, even if it is cheesy. I can't wait for his CD to come out.

Quick Update and observations

Cooper's team finished the regular season at 11-6, I think. I lost track, but they are in 1st place, playoff tournament is next week. And we are waiting with baited breath to see if he made all-stars, which around here is a big deal. If he did, practice everyday and then traveling games. Whew. I am torn about whether I want him to make it or not! :)
I think posting my last blog into the blogosphere made me straighten up. So I have actually been in the Word almost every day since. I found this mother's Bible study that my friend Kay, a missionary in Singapore, gave me before she went back overseas when she was cleaning out her books. I've had it on my shelf for 3 or 4 years, but God just now led me to get it out. And its really helped me! I can tell small differences in myself, a little more patient (except this morning getting ready for church), going to the Lord more in prayer, a little less sensitive, and I worshipped a little more this morning. Progress!
My observation: A choir from Baylor sang in church this morning, and for the first time that I can remember, I looked at them and thought how young they looked, which then made me feel old! For the longest time, I would see college kids and think they looked as old as I was, or even older and cooler. But today, they looked young and innocent and like kids, and I felt old and like a mother. Does anyone else get that?

One month later...

Let's see, Cooper's baseball team is 8-4, Cade is still bored, but turned 5 yesterday. Campbell is army crawling and putting everything in his mouth. Most nights I am conked out before Jason comes to bed. Our pastor resigned. Gearing up for summer, VBS, trying to figure out what to do with the long summer. Went and saw Thomas the Train in Dallas, on the coldest weekend of the year it seemed. Had a garage sale, made $300, not sure if it was worth the effort. But Dave Ramsey would be proud. Two months on a budget using envelope system. Yeah, I think those are the highlights.

Ok ladies, (and men, but I don't think men will understand this part) most of the time, I do not put myself down for stuff I don't get done as a mom. I see articles in magazines or Oprah where moms say they feel like failures, and think they are the only one, only to realize that most moms feel that way, and I usually don't understand that mentality. I usually let stuff go and tell myself that I am doing the best I can. But the past few weeks I have felt like I am hanging on by my fingernails, making mistakes, looking at piles of laundry and dishes and papers, and crashing in bed at night wondering what I did all day. We realized last night that I paid $55 to renew the registration on our car that we got rid of last summer. And I broke down and started crying, it was just the straw that broke me, feeling like I am an idiot. I also recognize that the last few months I have not been feeding myself spiritually or getting much from church because I'm not in a small group right now, so I know there is a connection. I know that when I am not feeding myself with the truth of how God sees me, then I see myself the way I think the world sees me, which isn't pretty. I need to do something, and I admit that. So say a little prayer for me if you think about it. Thanks.

Yes, our pastor resigned last week. He's been at our church for 22 years. We've only been there 2 1/2, so we aren't as attached as many of our church members are. We've known since Feb. so it wasn't a shock to us as it was to many. As usual, he is handling it with such responsibility and grace and respect for people. He is a good man. But it will cause stress, change always does. For our family personally its stressful because when Jason was younger, his pastor left, and when the new one came, he told the whole staff to leave so he could bring in his own people. Jason's dad didn't want to and eventually was fired. I don't think UBC would hire someone who would do that. But there is always the chance that Jason just wouldn't jive with the new pastor. We just have to take one day at a time. It could be a long time before we get a new one anyway. No reason to stress now.

Our pastor gave a great sermon the week before Easter that has stuck with me, which doesn't usually happen. He said we are all time travelers. We like to travel to the past, but instead of taking our friends thankfulness and joy, we take regret, anger, and unforgiveness. We like to travel to the future, but instead of taking hope and peace, we take anxiety and worry. Its ok to time travel if you take the right companions. But we should also really enjoy today. What time is it? Its now. Where are you? I am here. I guess that sums up my blog today. I need to stop thinking about the past few weeks as a failure, but look at it with thankfulness and look ahead with hope. And I need to not worry about the future for Jason or the church, but look ahead with peace and joy. Thank you Father for reminding me again of your faithfulness!

Updates

Its been so long. Not a whole lot to talk about actually.
Baseball:
Cooper's team is 4-0, top of their rankings. Jason is the coach, so needless to say, we are a proud bunch.
Cade's t-ball team, well, its just humerous. He really needs to be playing coach pitch. Most of the kids don't know which way to run, or what is going on. Cade gets people out, but doesn't understand that they aren't counting outs or keeping score, so he gets frustrated. He is the all-star of the team if I do say so myself.
But between the two of them, we have a game or practice just about every day of the week except Sunday. Jason does most of it, so I can't complain too much, but I do see my future as a sports mom long and stretched out before me.
Campbell:
Just the sweetest baby ever! Already 7 months old, eats everything you put in front of him, loves to laugh. The joy of my life!
Blessing:
I have been wanting a new camera for awhile. I have a pocket size digital, but if any of you know me very well, I used to be quite a photographer with a really fancy camera, which I still have, but its not digital. So I've been researching for awhile, but with us going through Dave Ramsey, I just couldn't justify the cost. I was at home this week, and my step-dad blessed me with a new camera out of the blue! He just bought this camera, a really fancy nice one, a few months back. But my brother, who worked at Circuit City and is now jobless, called him to tell him he had the same camera, only one model up, for $10, because it was broken. So my step-dad bought it, fixed it, and then sold me his camera for $10! God totally blessed me for being patient! He's so good!
TV Randomness:
I'm watching ER. Who are all these people? I haven't watched in a few years. There is no one left!
I love the Bonnie Hunt show. So funny.
DWTS, I don't really care about the majority of the dancers. No one I'm really rooting for.
AI, I like lots of them. Really rooting for Danny, is that is name?
What I did today:
Cleaned the big boys rooms, went to the zoo, which I knew was a mistake on Spring Break, but we did it anyway. Once we got in, it was ok, but we drove around the zoo, or crawled actually, for almost an hour finding a parking spot. I started to go home, but once you've invested that much time, you don't want it to go to waste. Cooper got allergy shots and we had pancakes for dinner. And most importantly, I didn't kill anyone. There were a few spankings, which doesn't normally happen, but no tears, so I must not have spanked too hard. Come home J, come home!

I'm getting tired of Blues Clues

Both my big boys have enjoyed Blues Clues. Cade outgrew it a while back, I thought. But about 2 months ago he watched an episode and became addicted again. I DVR 3 episodes a day and he will watch them over and over and over. Yes, I am a terrible mother. But most of the time he's not really watching it, its just on. He loves to draw. He would use up my whole stack of computer paper if I let him. Well that makes a lot of sense. I limit his use of paper but not the tv. Oh dear. But at least its a pretty good show for a preschool show, educational, interactive. The other day he wanted me to go online and find some BC games to play. Because of my lovely dial up, I couldn't get the american version to upload, but I found the British version, with Kevin. Very funny! Instead of shovel and pail, there is spade and bucket. And Periwinkle has a girls voice instead of a boys voice. But just to have Kevin's British accent is really entertaining. All the characters have British accents. I would love to watch some of those episodes.
Campbell is still enjoying cereal, tolerating applesauce, enjoying squash, and LOVING sweet potatoes. I couldn't get them in his mouth fast enough.
I have a job interview next Monday night at another church for a weekday director's position. I am very excited and very terrified at the same time. If I get farther than that, I will post more details. I don't want to jinx it. I am just praying that God will open doors He wants me to go through and close doors He doesn't want me to go through. I need a good slamming of the doors sometimes to get my attention. Hopefully they don't hit my nose as they slam!

6 months old!

My last baby is 6 months old. When did that happen? Doctor said he looks great. His weight is down, so time for cereal. She said when we gave it to him, if I tried half the bowl and he was still pushing it out instead of in, then he wasn't ready yet. So last night the whole family gathered round, including Memoo, to watch the event. When I gave him the first bite, he started shaking, which kind of freaked us all out. But then we decided it was out of excitement of something new. He scarfed down the bowl! There was no doubt he was ready. Hardly any came out, and when the bowl was empty, he was looking for more. He was even opening his mouth waiting for the wonderful bite of boring, tasteless rice cereal. This morning I made it thicker, and didn't think that would work, but again, he waited not very patiently for each bite, and inhaled the bowl. I am so proud and excited for him, yet sad. When my oldest was growing, I was so excited for each new thing, the joyfulness of something new entering our daily routine and home. But this sweet baby, I just want him to stop, and stay the same and lay there and just smile at me. But I can't stop him. He is growing, with or without my blessing. And I look at my now 7 year old and think that I can't be old enough to have a 1st grader, and where did the time go. And my 4 year old who is going to kindergarten next year. When my oldest graduated from preschool, I didn't shed a tear, and was so ready to kick him out of the house to big school. But the 4 year old is going to bring a few tears, and I hate to see myself in another 4 years. I will be a wreck! And college! Oh my gosh. Don't even go there! My mom asked me last night if I would turn the crib into the big bed for this one. I stopped that conversation real quick. He will sleep in a crib forever. Oh the joys and sadnesses of motherhood. I wouldn't miss it for the world!

$2.00

I am eating some chocolate covered almonds. $2.00. See below.

Sickness all around...

I haven't blogged in so long. Its not for a lack of time. I get online everyday, but I think I check facebook first, which doesn't take brain cells, and by the time I'm done there, I don't want to use brain cells to write something on my blog. That's my theory anyway.
There hasn't been much going on anyway. We've all been sick. Campbell and Cooper had one form of the virus which included fever. And the other three of us have another form that doesn't have fever, so we don't feel as bad, but still have runny noses, sore throats, etc. Its been Campbells first illness where he had fever. We spent some lovely quality time in the guest room the last few nights. Actually, last night I was in tears at 1 am. I was so tired. But then I thought back to the first few weeks of his life when I was up every 2 to 3 hours and I wasn't in tears then. I think God gives new moms some kind of super human strength to get thru those first few months and then it wears off. Campbell will be 6 months old on Monday. I am so sad.
The two older boys have been playing basketball but baseball started this week, so we officially have a sport every day of the week but Sunday for the rest of this month. Oh my life as a mom of boys is just beginning! At least Jason does the majority of it. I think he knows if he didn't, they wouldn't be playing. BTW, does anyone want to buy a chocolate bar? We have to sell $110 worth of chocolate for baseball. And do you know how tempting it is for me to eat it all? Its just sitting in our den, staring at me, but costing $2 a bar. Self-control. Dave Ramsey!
We are about to go to the park. I realized that I only have a few more months of having Cade with me, so I am trying to do more things with him. He loves to play basketball with me. I try to last 10 minutes before I get bored out of my mind.

Picks of the Week & Quick Update

My swiffer vacuum - great for our laminate wood floors

Pizza Hut Pasta - we tried all three flavors, they are all great

My new dry erase board above my desk- It has a pretty black frame around it, I taped our Jan. calendar up on it, wrote a scathing Bible verse about watching our tongues, and put which zone of my house I'm supposed to be cleaning this week, which I won't clean I'm sure

We had to take Coops to the dentist today to have a tooth pulled. One of his lower front teeth had been loose for months, and we realized a few weeks ago that the new tooth was already in, way behind the baby tooth. So wonderful Dr. Peters told him he was going to measure it, but instead popped it out. He said he was glad he fooled him because it didn't hurt. So now he is a snaggle tooth because the new tooth is way out of place. I feel I have failed him as a mother. I should have noticed long ago the new tooth. Oh well, I'll get over it. I'll add it to the list of things he can blame me for in the future.

That reminds me, Cooper lost his first tooth while we were in Bryan while evacuating from Ike. He was so excited. We woke up the next morning to realize we had forgotten to put money under his pillow! He was looking for it furiously. I snuck a dollar (yes, our tooth fairy is cheap) to Jason and he asked Cooper to hand him his pillow so he could look in it, and amazingly, there was the dollar! The tooth fairy snuck the dollar into the pillowcase instead of under the pillow. That silly tooth fairy! And the tooth fairy tonight is bringing quarters because that's all I have! I wonder how those will get lost in the bed.

Happy Anniversary!

Twelve years ago today I married my husband. This is a really major milestone for me. My marriage has lasted longer than many in my family of origin. I won't go into details because they wouldn't want me to. But I am proud of myself, and Jason. He did have a part in it too. I'm not sure what he would say, but I would say the last few months have been the hardest, a new baby, financial stress, major church changes, etc. But I think we are working through it and will hopefully come out stronger on the other end. This morning in Sunday School our teacher was talking about doubt and asked how we knew that our spouse was "the one". I remembered that I almost called off our wedding, mostly out of fear because of the divorces in my family. But I said to myself, I'm not sure I can live with him, but I know I can't live without him, so we'll work on the rest. And here we are. We sat at the lunch table today and looked around at all that God had blessed us with the last 12 years. It was overwhelming. I am so amazed at how God brought us together. We have the same philosophy on parenting, the same taste in tv (except sports) and music, the same ideas on what church and worship we enjoy. And most of that we didn't really know when we got married. But God knew. Maybe we didn't have all that in common then, but we have evolved together. Either way, we are a good match. There are days when we have to remember that we made a commitment to each other and the Lord. But there are days, like today, when he was praying in church, that I thought, I have married a very handsome, wonderful man. Thank you God. Of course, we really didn't realize 12 years ago that marrying on Jan. 4 was not setting us up for great anniversaries. By now, we have no money left and no energy left from the holidays. Except for our 10th, we really haven't done anything. Today we had our usual Taco Bell for lunch, he had a meeting at church, nothing special. But that is our life, and I am thankful for it!

Quick Update

Cooper's allergy testing: Well, according to his tests, he has outgrown everything but peanuts! I don't believe it! I have been dealing with his food allergies since he was 14 months old, and he has outgrown them? I am in denial I guess. But he is highly allergic to everything outside, so we are starting shots after the new year. That should be fun. We are thankful though that God has healed him.

The Holidays: We have been on the road. We drove 5 hours to Shreveport, spent the night, and went 9 more hours (with three stops) to Birmingham, AL, and stayed in a lake house with a total of 26 of Jason's family members. It was really fun. We only see most of them every two years, and I really enjoy being with them. His cousins (4 girls) and I really get along, and we enjoy all of their husbands. There were 8 kids from 2 months up to 11 years old. But they were all well behaved considering. Campbell was passed around from person to person, but he did really well. Lots of card playing, some fishing, hiking, shopping, and lots of cooking. We had a church service on Sunday morning. My brother-in-law Bryan played his guitar and led us in some songs, and Jason gave the message, about 5 minutes, maybe. And we prayed together. It was really special. Of course that is when Campbell decided to fuss, so I missed most of the prayer time. I am very thankful for my in-laws and the Christian legacy they have made. Among the 9 families, there are 6 ministers I think.

Now we are back in Shreveport for a few days. Its amazing how different our families are, both good, just very different. We'll be back to the grind next week, and we'll have to detox the kids from sweets, going to bed late, and being held all day. Hopefully I will get a minute to reflect and see if there is anything I need to work on this year. All in all life is really good right now, but I'm sure I can change a few things.

Since I'm on high speed, here are some pictures. Merry Christmas and Have a blessed New Year!

Update

Sorry, I just realized I never said how Cooper's testing went. I guess because there wasn't much to report. When the nurse came in to start the tests, she only had about 30 little stick things, and so I asked her if that was all. He had 89 last time. And her response was, "Oh, you wanted food testing?". Well, yes. Since that's the only things I can control, and last time he was allergic to everything under the sun, and the point was to see if he outgrew anything! I was a little frustrated. So they only did the 30 and he will have to go back on Monday for more. He did great though, and yes, he is still highly allergic to peanuts. A few things came back negative, which made no sense, so I think they will do them again on Monday. Tomorrow is his 7th birthday. My big baby is 7. My goodness, how time flies. We are going to the space center. He so wants to be an astronaut now!

SNOW!

You really can't help being in the Christmas spirit when its snowing, in HOUSTON! Its so pretty! If it wasn't so cold, I would go stand in it. It wasn't really fun to drive in coming back from Coop's first basketball practice, but it was fun to see Cade's face since he's never seen snow before, that we can remember.

Christmas, part 2

Well, just as soon as I complained about the lack of Christmas spirit in my house, it changed. When I took Cade to school yesterday, his teacher asked me if I knew anyone who would want a 5 ft tree before she gave it to Goodwill. I took it, and when I brought it home, it brought the Christmas spirit with it! Its really cute, big enough to not be a silly little tree, but not so big that it was a big deal to decorate. We turned on Christmas music, put the tree in the living room, the boys moved their ornaments from their little tree to it, we made popcorn strings (we being me) and paper chains and it is really cute. That let me to put the stockings up and even wrap a few presents today. And the nativity set is on the fireplace in its rightful place. So all is well. The guilt of not doing anything for Christmas is gone, and yet, I didn't have to do hardly anything at all.

Campbell had his 4 month check up today, and all is well. 75% head, 75% height and 50% weight. And the doctor told me I am just fine waiting until 6 months to start cereal. I use the excuse that its because of food allergies, but really, its out of laziness. Once you start the cereal, you can't stop the feeding of food for the rest of their lives. Might as well put it off for two more months!

Speaking of, Cooper has a round of allergy testing tomorrow. He hasn't been tested for three years. I am a little nervous, mostly about the process, not the results. He doesn't remember the torture of the last time, which is good, but he doesn't know what to expect, and we don't want to scare him. You can read my very first blog to hear about the last time. God taught me some mightly lessons. I'll let you know how it goes this time. I'm just fine if God doesn't need me to learn anything.

Christmas...

Usually I am all about Christmas, decorating my house from top to bottom. But this year, if you want to see my Christmas tree, you'll have to look at the blogs from last year because there is no tree. Well, there is a 3 foot tree that the boys decorated in the playroom, and that is it. I have told people that having the third child hasn't been that hard, but apparently, it is harder than I was admitting because I am so tired, and the thought of getting everything out of the attic and unpacking it, putting it up, enjoying it for two weeks, and then packing it all back up again, is just too much. I have the box of stockings sitting in the floor by the front door, and there it has been sitting for 4 days now. I guess making a bigger mess of my house than it is already in does not sound appealing. Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying buying gifts and listening to Christmas music, and loving the homemade ornaments my boys are bringing home. And they were both wonderful in their choir programs Sunday night, but I guess I'm trying to keep it simple. Christmas isn't about the tree and lights anyway, right? Of course, if I want to remind the children about Jesus, I should probably actually set up the nativity scene I got out of the attic. Last year we started a new tradition of taking Mary and Joseph and putting them upstairs and everyday they slowly make their way to the living room where the stable is. They haven't started their journey yet. It may only take them a few days to make it to Bethlehem!

Happy Birthday Mom!

Today is my mom's birthday, I won't say how old she is. I am so thankful for her. She has been through so much, but she hasn't let it get her down, she just gets right back up and tries something new. She prays for me and my family daily, I know because she sends me the verse she prayed over us. She is going back to school to get her doctorate, a very admirable thing. She takes care of her dad and step mom who both have Alzheimer's, very draining. We have had to get used to a new relationship now that I am a mom, and sometimes when she is in my house, it causes a little strife, but we work through it and are patient and forgive each other. I would guess that she is the happiest she has ever been right now. And what a great birthday gift is that! Happy Birthday Mom!

Prayer

I accepted Christ when I was 8, and have enjoyed a pretty great spiritual walk since then. God has gotten a hold of me a few times before I went too far down the wrong path, and used a few really tough times to help grow my relationship with Him. But the one thing in my spiritual life I have never been good at or really even enjoyed was my prayer life. I have tried off and on to get better, but to no avail. And now with three kids, well, you know, its just tough to spend that quality time with God. Yes, if I would get off the computer and turn off the tv I would have time. So, its not really the kids fault.
Anyway, we just finished a 6 week study at church on prayer, and it caught my attention enough to actually buy the book it was based on (thanks mom). Prayer, Does it Really Make a Difference?, by Philip Yancy. I highly recommend it. He really helps to answer all the questions and struggles I have had with prayer, like, if God already knows everything, why do I need to pray? And if He already has the plan, is my prayer going to change anything? I am only a little ways thru, and it has really encouraged me to start making the effort to pray. I'm not there yet. But the past two days I have taken a few minutes to really pray for my boys and Jason. For that, I have used The Power of a Praying Parent, and Praying Wife, by Stormie Omartian. Highly recommend those too. So I figure if I blog about it, it will hold me somewhat accountable to keep it up. Between 3-4 everyday, I'm kind of tired and there is nothing on tv, so that's the time I have prayed and read more in my book, and I will try to keep it up. And I will try to blog some about what the book is teaching me. I may have to read it a few times to get it all. Today's chapter was about looking at how Jesus prayed. Its obviously important because even though Jesus knew God knew everything and already had a plan, he totally depended on it daily to survive living on this earth. I want to totally depend on it, but right now, I depend on myself. No wonder I'm tired.